 |
 |
| Image by AD-Passion |
If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past 19 months of “trying to become a better mother,” it’s that I can’t do it. At all.
Have I learned to cook from scratch? Yes, for the most part (with the added challenge of an egg, gluten and dairy-free diet for my daughter).
Have I succeeded in going green (er) by using cloth diapers and homemade natural cleaning products? Yes.
Have I made it through the huge transition from one to two kids while keeping sane? Well–that’s up for debate. 
 |
| Image by Sellers Patton |
But what have I learned most of all? There are some things I just can’t do. There are some areas where I fail every day–and probably will continue to fail at if I only tap into my own meager strength.
And realizing that has been freeing. It brings me to my knees.
It causes me to surrender all my own aspirations for motherhood or anything else–and give them to God, the only One who can take all my failed attempts at bettering myself as a mother and create something beautiful.
 |
| Image by Ryk Neethling |
Motherhood is humbling. Really, it’s been the most humbling role I’ve ever “played.”
Growing up, I pretty much succeeded at everything I tried. Academics? A shoe in. And how my heart swelled with pride to deliver that high school valedictorian speech nearly 13 years ago and wear the “Most Outstanding Female Graduate” medal at my college graduation in 2003.
I knew which areas to avoid, like sports or anything that involved too much math or science. I could steer away from those and miss failure.
 |
| Image by din! And I sheltered myself in a bubble of the arts and human service: foreign language, writing and literature, theater, missionary work, public service. Anything that matched my gifts were fair game. If I stayed there, I was guaranteed success. |
And then, in June 2008, after that grueling 16 1/2-hour labor, I became a mom. I wept as I held that squirming, red-faced bundle of joy that came out of me.
Truly, it still amazes me every time I have a conversation with my well-articulated almost 4 year old. “You know you used to lived in Mommy’s tummy, right?” I ask her. “Yes, Mommy, it was warm and cozy there.” And we laugh.
And two years later–I birthed yet another precious baby girl. It was almost unfathomable. Here I was–still floundering in what in the world I was doing with a toddler, and God granted me another of life’s most amazing blessings–a second daughter.
And here I sit today–about 10 weeks away from meeting my third baby girl. As she kicks and punches my ever-growing belly, I imagine what she looks like, what we will name her, and how fun life will be with three–might I assume redheaded–little girls.
At the same time, I battle fear.
I look at my few successes in motherhood, but it’s hard not to dwell on my failures…
My preschooler who still wets her pants–nearly every single day. Potty training? Yeah–it’s been extremely humbling.
The ever-growing laundry mountain that I just can’t seem to tame.
The fact that, sometimes, my kids eat rice cakes for breakfast because I just get weary of coming up with an egg/gluten/dairy-free meal day after day.
Sometimes my arms ache from cleaning up the poop and vomit and the blood–not to mention spilled cereal or water.
And it’s in those moments that I can choose to dwell on how poorly I do in this job. Or, I can thank God for humbling me. From a person who excelled at everything she tried to a mother who has realized that I just can’t do this job well–not on my own at least.
It’s then that I knock down my pride and my heart cries, “God, help me. I can’t do this without you.”
And, as always, He does just that. And I’m thankful that He’s using motherhood to refine me. To teach me that when we are humbled, He will lift us up.
*This post first appeared as a column in the Mooresville Weekly newspaper. I have linked to several of my bi-monthly newspaper columns throughout this post. In fact, this blog started out as a place for me to keep my columns…before I officially launched almost 1 year ago!
Have you received your FREE Smoothie eBook yet?! Check out this post to find out how to claim yours today!
I’m linking up with: Growing Home, Far Above Rubies, Time-Warp Wife and Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots at Home, The Better Mom, Women Living Well
Subscribe below and don’t miss a post!
Enter your email address:
Delivered by FeedBurner
|
What a beautiful post, Erin! I’m so glad you linked this in today’s post on your review of Sally’s & Sarah’s book, or I would have missed this special blessing. I love what you said and can SO relate:
If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past 19 months of “trying to become a better mother,” it’s that I can’t do it. At all.
There are many nights when I have gone to bed feeling like a complete failure and it’s those times I have to repent, not just because of the failures, but because of my pride in wanting to do it myself – be a good mom on my own merit. Only through Christ and His strength, grace and love, can we truly be the mothers, wives, friends, servants He’s called us to be. I truly appreciate you sharing your heart on this important truth.
Lots of blessings to you, Kelly
Kelly @ The Nourishing Home recently posted..Easy Crockpot Beef Stew (GF, DF)
Doris, these recipes are sbeuittmd by regular people who do not have access to that information. There is software available to determine nutritional values, but it takes a lot of skill in entering recipes and ingredients to make sure the values are correct, and I wouldn’t expect the average person to be willing to take the time to learn how to do that.