I polled other pregnant mamas, and we agreed there are some things you should NEVER say to pregnant women! Here are the top ten things.
Two weeks ago I entered my third trimester of pregnancy. I can hardly believe I will meet this precious baby in 10 weeks or less! I love this stage in pregnancy. I’m still holding onto some second-trimester energy, and not only can I feel this baby girl moving like crazy, but I can also see her twist her little body all across my belly.
As much as I don’t want to rush this pregnancy, I’m glad I can finally say I’m in my third trimester–we’re in the home stretch. I showed so early this pregnancy (really, even before I took the pregnancy test!) that people have been asking me for weeks if I am about to have this baby any day.
I know people mean well, but after surveying some of my readers on Facebook and talking to other mommy friends, there are some things we wish people would never say to pregnant women. Here’s a list of my top 10:
1. “Are you sure you’re not having twins? You look too big for that to just be one baby!”
2. “Are you sure they have your due date right? I don’t think you’re going to make it until August.”
3. “You’re going to have your hands full!” (As they look on at my 3 and 1 year old.)
4. “You had a natural birth last time? Was that planned? And you seriously want to do it again? Come on–just ask for the epidural! You don’t have to be superwoman!”
5. “You look like you are due any day now! Do you really have three more months?!”
6. “I bet you were really hoping for a boy this time. That’s too bad you’re having another girl. Will you try for a fourth, so you can get your boy?” (Who said we wanted sons? We are thrilled to be having a 3rd girl!)
7. “I was all belly when I was pregnant. I only gained 15 pounds.” (I have definitely gained more than that!)
8. “Wow, you look like you’re going to pop!” (This is worse, says my friend, when it comes from a heavy man with a pop belly–who thumps your belly when he says it!)
9. “You don’t look pregnant. Are you sure you are?” (This can be a compliment to a women of multiple children who has gained a lot of weight, but it can be disappointing to the first-time mom who is already nervous and desperately wants to look pregnant!)
10. And on a serious note: “My friend lost her baby in the third trimester, but I’m sure you’ll be just fine.” (Please, don’t bring up pregnancy loss to a pregnant woman!)
Image by guillermo ossa
I’ve had friends who have responded to some of these comments with rude comments of their own, but I usually smile and nod and then ask my husband: “Do I look fat?” And he says, “No! You look pregnant!”
But as my friend Christy of The Simple Homemaker pointed out, “We should not be too easily offended in life or in pregnancy when people speak to us. It is always easy to find offense if we are looking. Some people are just genuinely, lovingly interested, and others are really trying to be helpful….they really are trying to help, and we should offer them as much grace as we would like for ourselves. That said, I’ve heard many of these comments, and try to reply with respectful humor or a positive comment. Six girls and one boy–you can imagine what we’ve heard!”
Some of these comments aren’t offensive to pregnant mamas, but I would err on the side of caution and avoid saying them! Pregnancy can be an emotional time, and it’s not the place for snide or thoughtless remarks. Let’s build each other up and be mindful of ways to encourage!
So how about things you CAN say to encourage a pregnant woman? Here are 10 things pregnant women want to hear!
What are some things you’ve heard while pregnant? Or, what are some things you wish people would never say to pregnant women?
*This post first appeared as one of my columns in the Mooresville Weekly newspaper.
Check out the other posts in this series:
- 10 Reasons We Opted to Give Birth at a Birth Center
- A Tale of Two Births: Medicated vs. Natural Hospital Births, part 2
- A Tale of Two Births: Medicated vs. Natural Hospital Births, part 1
- How to Achieve a Natural Birth in a Hospital Setting
- Real Food Pregnancy Cheats/Shortcuts
- OB or Midwife: Finding the Birth Provider Who Works for You
- A Comparison of Birth Settings: Home, Hospital and Birth Center
- Resources for a Natural Pregnancy
- Hyperemesis Gravidarum: Much More than Severe Morning Sickness
Top image by bjearwicke