Doulas help pregnant mothers to have a positive birth experience. Read on to discover the knowledgeable and caring support you can get with a birthing doula by your side!
By Sara Shay of The Nutter Tree
I believe I have started this post for the fifth time now. I find my brain scattered with all the great things I can tell you about doulas! You can look here for what a doula is, and there are studies on how beneficial a doula is for having a successful birthing experience.
From the book Mothering The Mother, “Doula is a Greek word referring to an experienced woman who helps other women. The word has now come to mean a woman experienced in childbirth who provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to the mother before, during, and just after childbirth.”
You can do a web search for doulas in your area, or locate one through sites like FindADoula.com or DONA International.
Before, During and After Birth
Once you have found your doula she is available to you ALL the time. Because she doesn’t have multiple births to attend at the same time and only a handful of mothers at any given time in a year, you will receive much more attentive care. You will have personal care and thought, not just routine procedures.
In an email, text or phone call you can get those small, irritating questions answered–you know, the ones you forgot to ask at your last prenatal visit (or that one that only rarely comes up, but seems too small for an actual call into your doctor or midwife).
During labor your doula is always there. This allows your husband the peace of mind to be able to re-park the car, use the bathroom or take a quick nap–never leaving you on your own. Your doula can run out to get those things that may be taking the busy nurse a little too long to retrieve. She may also become the liaison between you and family stuck in the waiting room.
As a doula, I always stay a bit after baby has come, mostly to make sure baby and mom are getting a good start on breastfeeding. Just as before the birth, I can be reached for all those newborn baby questions that may come up! It’s also really nice to have a post-birth chat about how things went. We might talk about what you liked, didn’t like and all those precious moments that you may have been too tired or focused to remember.
Informational Support
Your doula should have a clear picture of the kind of birth you want to have. Whether it is an all-natural birth or perhaps with an intervention of some kind. Their role is to support your informed decisions. That being said, her personal views should not dictate your birth. Instead she may gently provide you with information if she feels you are ill-informed.
In addition, I hope she talks to you about the importance of breastfeeding and provides you with information in case you need some help after baby is born. There are also a handful of routine procedures, which the doctor rarely talks to you about beforehand. Many of these are not necessary depending on your situation. Your doula should be able to talk through these situations and help you make informed choices.
If a birth is going long or not going the way the doctors would like it to go, you have another brain in the room. Many times in the medical world quick and safe is the standard — instead of just safe. And many times the quick part can cause problems, even if it is deemed as safe.
After almost every exit of the doctor from room the parents have a little pow-wow. Then, we three have a discussion about which way we should go. Many times at this point mom is in that “I’m done” stage of pregnancy and dad is just wanting to do what is best.
Having an objective third party who has real experience and maybe a little more knowledge than the doctor is letting on is priceless. Another person to confirm you decision to go with the doctor’s recommendation or someone enabling you to say, “No, we would like to be able to wait it out a bit longer” can be so reassuring.
Emotional Support
Dads can sometimes feel superfluous in the labor room. Having a doula there to help him focus on his wife and keep him calm is a huge part of the doula’s job. This enables him to be there emotionally for his wife — even if all that means is reminding him to hold his wife’s hand.
Seriously, I do not think there has been a birth yet where at some point I have not had to remind hubby to be a little more attentive. And often times the questions I receive from dads are, “Is this normal?” and “Should I be worried?” Giving facts, experience and information quells these fears and allows husbands to maintain the masculine role of secure provider which they so desperately want to fill at a time when everything is beyond their control.
That emotional support role is much different for the laboring mother. Oftentimes it is the reassuring words of, “You are doing a great job.” Or steady, calm eyes to look at during a contraction. Or simply the knowledge that she will not be left alone. And, if she is a Christian, being able to suggest a prayer when it is evidently needed.
Physical Support
“Attending a birth” or as I sometimes call it, doula-ing, is some hard physical work. Staying alert for a long labor and giving of your body to alleviate some pain from the mother are two big parts of being a doula.
Your doula will give you her hand to wrench, let her arm go numb while applying pressure for back labor, tirelessly massage where you need, continually keep a cold or hot cloth on your forehead, take your socks off, put your socks on, take your socks off, put your socks BACK on, hold you up when your legs no longer can, help you change positions when you are just out of energy, support your leg while counting you through pushing, or simply leave you alone while she uses encouraging words because even skin to skin makes you seize up.
She does all these things with a calming spirit, reassuring smile and forceful quiet nature.
From a first time mother on having a Christian doula, “Doctors and nurses are there to take care of your and the baby’s physical needs, but they are not gifted, trained, or have time to be there for your emotional needs. I was really grateful to have an advocate who was committed to being with us through the entire process and knew how to interface with the hospital staff. Also, having a Christian sister who could help me practically apply my faith — reminding me to look to God and seek His help and strength — in an unfamiliar, intense, and sometimes scary situation.”
Have you ever used a doula? What did she do for you that was invaluable?
For help with preparing for a natural childbirth, check out the #1 bestselling online childbirth course, Mama Natural Birth Course. It will empower you to have the natural birth you want…and you can watch the course in the comfort of your own home! You may also like Mama Natural’s FREE introductory video on 8 Keys to a Natural Childbirth.
Stacy @Stacy Makes Cents
I’m 33 weeks pregnant and already I don’t know what I did without my doula the first time…forever, I will say they are essential. When I start to freak out or think I’m losing my mind, I know I can give her a holler.
Erin
I’m so glad you have Brandy this time around!
Taylor
Great post. I find many people give me the deer-in-the-headlights look when I mention doulas. Such a bummer, because I think doulas are awesome and extremely helpful. My mother hasn’t finished her doula training, but she’s acted as a doula for all of my deliveries and will also be attending my third very soon. My husband didn’t know a thing about childbirth when we were pregnant with our first (and that was a scary delivery), so he says it was very comforting to have someone who knew how to talk to the doctors/nurses and relay information in “layman’s terms”. The emotional support is so important, not just for the mom, but for the dad as well.
And breastfeeding support is essential – couldn’t have figured it out without my doula’s expertise!
Erin
That is so neat that your mom could be your doula! You know you are in good hands!! I pray this next delivery goes well…I know it is super close!!! 🙂
Sara Shay
Experience is so important! So glad she is able to be there for you. Yes, even though my husband knew a bunch, it still didn’t mean he knew what to do practically to help. So do and others even with knowledge are clueless.
Anne @ Quick and Easy Cheap and Healthy
I wish I’d had a doula with both of mine. I actually was close to having one with my second, but it didn’t work out.
Erin
But from what I’ve heard–you did great without one! I don’t think I could have a natural labor without one! My first one was a doula in training…so I got a freebie. 😉
Caitlin
Sara,
Where do you recomend going to to learn about becoming a douula? I’m actually a Student Midwife, but a midwife I know suggested that I also learn about doula-ing.
Thanks,
Caitlin
Erin
I will let Sara know about this comment! I know my doula was trained through DONA International. Hopefully Sara will hop on over soon. 🙂 Congrats on becoming a midwife!! 🙂
Sara Shay @YourThrivingFamily
DONA has great resources. Though Childbirth International seems to have a much more comprehensive online program. Actually if you are already training to be a midwife many of the curriculum would be easy for you!
Above all EXPERIENCE. Find a doula you can apprentice with. It is a little tricky because quite often in the world of “natural” you can run into a lot of mother-earth woman-power stuff, so you want to find someone who has your same worldview.
Personally, I have only doulaed for other Christians, I’m not against supporting someone who isn’t – but my business is A Christian Doula – so that is who I get 🙂
Rose
Check out the Christian based doula program, A Woman Who Serves! www.awomanwhoserves.com
Angela
I was my little sisters doula a couple weeks ago – something I have always wanted to do!
She had a successful home birth with her first baby and I am so proud of her.
My first baby was 28 hours and my doula was wonderful, especially for hubby. Since then we have not needed one… now I go quick – they’d never make it in time!
Erin
I wish I could go quickly like that–maybe this time! 😉
Kristina
You are SO right! There is NOTHING like having a trained doula! OH my word! I preach it to everyone I meet who is pregnant (that and choose a midwife instead of OB if you can and get your birth photographed! LOL )My mom and sis are both DONA birth doulas and it’s such a neat job and helps SOOOO much!!
Erin
I LOVE my DONA-certified doula!
Martha Artyomenko
Great post!! I am a certified doula with DONA and I think the hardest thing is educating people about what a doula is and why they would want one. Thanks for spreading the word!
Erin
My doula is DONA-certified as well!
AlyssaZ
When is a good time to find a doula? Is there a point where it might be too late?
Martha Artyomenko
It is never to late to find a doula! I had someone hire me while they were hooked up in the hospital ready to be induced.
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I’m grateful you made the post. It’s cleared the air for me.
Sheri
Very good! You did an excellent job describing the role of doula! I have attended 6 labors so far, one became an emergency C-section. All were back labors. 3 were home births with a midwife. I think I did more in the hospital births. Like you said, explaining the options once the doctor or nurse leaves the room; and explaining what comes next and what is normal. All very comforting to the mommy and daddy. Yes, and my arm falling asleep in awkward positions… It’s all part of the calling.
Whitney
Wow! This is such a great post! I totally understand and can relate to everything that you’re saying here. Five weeks ago I gave birth to my baby girl and we had a doula there. She was amazing and gave me so much support and encouragement the whole time. I’m grateful that doulas do exist because it makes such a difference! I love my Doula she is so amazing! 😀
Erin
So glad you had a great experience with a doula! Congrats!