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I think my friend Rebecca said it best: “People are weird about (more than two kids), like three is the octomom or something!”
We discovered our Christmas surprise the first week of December. And though we were a bit shocked, we were happy. How could we not be happy about another child?
But, oh, three children in today’s culture? In today’s shaky economy? After making the announcement to family and friends on New Year’s Eve, I think we heard it all:
- “Erin, I feel so sorry for you.”
- “You should try (this form of birth control). It works great.”
- “If I got pregnant when my youngest was only a year old, I think I’d pass out.”
- “Maybe y’all should get something permanent done after this.”
- “Well, maybe it will finally be a boy this time.”
- “Your house is too small for three kids.”
- “Well, I personally can’t afford more than two kids.”
Now, I know many of these people were–at least partly–joking. But, who knew three kids was the end of the world? What happened to children being a blessing? But today, it seems many people view them as a burden.
I’m sure glad my parents didn’t view me that way. Although she had a college degree, my mom invested her 30s and 40s in her three children. She was there to defend me when my first grade teacher said the word “luscious” (which I had spelled right and used correctly in a sentence) wasn’t a word. She marched up to the school with a dictionary in hand to prove her wrong. She was there to chaperone children’s camp when my diabetic sister couldn’t have attended without her. And she sat on the sidelines of every one of my younger brother’s basketball games.
Now, I’m not saying it’s every woman’s calling to give up a career to raise children. What would that mean to my single friends or to my friends who have been unable to conceive?
But in a time in a country that touts itself on being all about women’s rights, why is it looked down upon when an educated woman–perhaps one who could have a career in journalism–chooses, instead, to stay at home and take care of her children?
And since when is three children too many? Why should another child not be welcomed as much as his or her older siblings were?
And as to whether or not we can afford another child: I am thankful that in my pre-kid days, God gave me the opportunity to visit an orphanage in China, mud huts in Africa, tin shanties in Peru and small concrete houses in Costa Rica and Argentina.
If I’m ever tempted to wonder how we will be able to afford three children, I pray God will take me back to what I saw in those places.
Although I didn’t say it out loud, my response to the statements above are:
- “Well, I don’t feel sorry for myself. Children are blessings.”
- “My choice of ‘birth control’ is between me and my husband, and no one else needs to know about it.”
- “I’m happy my children will be close in age. In fact, my toddler and this baby will be the same age difference as me and my younger sister.”
- “Any surgical procedures to alter our fertility is again between me and my husband.”
- “We would have been thrilled if we had had a boy, but we are equally excited to have another girl. Besides, we won’t have to buy a thing for our third girl.”
- “Though modest for our culture, our house is gigantic compared to the homes of much of the rest of the world. And it suits our family just fine.”
- “God will provide for all our needs. We may not be able to drive the nicest cars, wear designer clothes or take elaborate vacations, but, really, do those things really matter?”
Do you feel like children are a burden or a blessing? Has anyone ever made you feel like you have too many children?
“Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.” ~Psalm 127:3 (NASB)
*This post first appeared as one of my “Motherhood” columns in the Mooresville Weekly newspaper.
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Dear Humbled Homemaker,
It was interesting reading this particular post of yours, because as a mommy of one, I feel the exact opposite! It seems like the average family these days has 3-4 children. I honestly have no close friends or acquaintances that have only one child! I get questions like “Why on Earth would you only have ONE child? You need to give your son a sibling!” “Your son is going to grow up spoiled!” “Your child is going to be bored without a brother/sister to play with.”
Well, I feel that it is spectacular that I can give my undivided attention to my one and only child! It is not a crime to grow up as an only child, I am one myself! My husband and I do not spoil our 5-year-old, but we surround him in love that doesn’t have to be shared among siblings.
So you’re right. Children ARE blessings, and sometimes 1 blessing can be just as special as 3!
It is sad that people can’t mind their own business and ask questions like that! My very best friend/college roommate and her husband are BOTH only children, and they are BOTH incredibly adjusted, selfless, giving individuals! It’s the heart attitude and obedience that matters.
And I agree–1 child is just as much a blessing as the 22 the Duggars have (or is it 21? I can’t keep up!).
Erin, this is very well written.
Children are a blessing, the Word says so….and we are commanded to “be fruitful and multiply.” Good job, honey!!! I want as many children as the Lord decides to bless me with.
“As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them..” Psalm 127:4-5
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Thanks, Stacy!
I agree with Stacy! Well put! Children are a blessing! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I come from a family of two. My sister has 5 blessings and I have 3…right now. Psalm 127:4-5 nails it! And God has commanded us to be FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY. God is the designer of the family and we need to die to ourselves and live as He commands. It may not be ‘comfortable.’ But not once have I regreted a new life coming into our home…I often ponder, will I love this one as much, equally, do I have more to give? God provides a love for our babe like NO other. Each one is precious and unique, a sweet gift. I believe it is just a taste of how He feels about all of His children that populate the glove. Oh, how He loves us!
Congratulations on your blessing!
And may God fill your quiver!
Thank you so much, Theresa!! It is amazing the love He gives us for each one!
We had 3, all planned, and were then blessed with a bonus. We’ve never regretted having 4 children. Could we afford them? I chose to stay home with them and this meant things were always tight (a real splurge maybe once a month was in getting a half gallon of ice cream), but we survived and now have 4 beautiful, well adjusted children who are all very close as adults. Could we have given more materially with only 2 children? Of course, but we would have never had the joy of having given life to, and gotten to know our 2 youngest?
Things are really tight here as well–but the Lord recently provided a new job for my husband, which will “cover” our new surprise blessing! It’s so neat to see Him work like that!! I love what you said about missing out on the joy of your two younger children if you had given more materially to your older two! Everyone asks me if we will “try” for a boy since we are about to have our 3rd girl. Honestly? I would LOVE a house full of girls if that’s what the Lord gives us!
Excellent post!
I’m just pregnant with my 2nd, but already people have started making those comments…
“You’re having another one ALREADY??” (my daughter is 2 1/2…)
“Oh good- since this one is a boy, you can be done now.”
“This is the last one, right?”
And my favorite– “You should have added on to your house instead of building that deck this summer.” (since when is a 3-bedroom home too small for 2 children and 2 adults?)
I’m sure the comments will get increasingly worse if we end up with 3 or 4 children. It’s hard to explain to my childless friends that yes, I actually WANT more– even though they are hard work and “inconveient” sometimes… They truly are a joy and a blessing.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Erin- it’s so nice to know that someone else is in the same boat!
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Thank you, Jill–and I am SO excited for you!! I have a friend with 2 boys and a girl (all very close in age), and she recently told me that at least we will have the “excuse” or that people may think it’s more acceptable, etc. for us to have a 4th since we don’t have any boys yet. What a sad reality of our culture! And you can tell your friends that your blogging friend lives in a 2-bedroom townhouse and is about to have her 3rd!! So glad to know we are in the same boat!!
Children are 100% a BLESSING!! We were suprised with #3 earlier this summer-our third in about 4 years! I have gotten comments like, “Don’t you know what causes that?” and “Oh you poor thing, you are going to have your hands full…” Yes, I do & yes I will!
but God has given us these special gifts and will enjoy every minute of having them! Whether you choose to only have 1 child or have more than 1, every child is a personal Gift from God, made in His image!
Our 3 are all within 4 years as well! Our oldest just turned 4 in June…and baby #3…well, she was due one week ago, and we’re still waiting!
I have heard both of those statements as well. Congrats on your pregnancy!! 
After having the ‘million dollar family’ for 1.5 years people were SHOCKED when I told them I was pregnant again. “But you have a boy and a girl!” not to mention my husband has a whole host of medical issues, we don’t own our home (we rent) and we’re not wealthy by any means. My youngest child (another boy) is still very much a blessing!
Although I’m very glad that God chooses to work in my body in such a way that I won’t have 2 close in age. It takes at least a year (often times a wee bit longer) for my fertility to return after having a baby thanks to breastfeeding. He knows I would have a hard time dealing with 2 toddlers so He makes it so I can’t have 2 close in age.
I think some people were shocked when we told them as well–I think family even moreso than friends! We rent our home as well–and are not wealth by any means either! And, like you, we are so thrilled for our 3rd! I agree with you–2 toddlers at a time is tough…God gives us grace, thankfully!!
Thanks for this post. I’m expecting my 4th and all of our children are close in age. Our first two are just under 17 months apart, then my 3rd came 22 months later. This baby will be born when my 3rd is about 21 months old. It’s not easy, but it’s great. The kids are all interested in more or less the same things, so family outings are a lot easier. The older two play well together (for the most part…they are 3 and 4, after all) and the youngest is slowly learning (he’s 16 months.) We may not have cell phones or cable (let alone sattelite), we may 99% of our clothes used and use hand me downs, and I’ve never bought a starbucks coffee…I just can’t justify spending that much money on a drink. We don’t take vacations away..in fact, my husband hasn’t had a vacation in a few years because he keeps having to use his time for when a baby comes! But really, how could anyone look at a child and say “I wish I had gone on a cruise instead of having you in my life.” Or, “I wish I had an iPad instead of having you” ? While having this many kids this close can be hard and the idea of having 4 kids 5 and under (3 of them active boys) plus knowing that it is likely we will have many more (I’m only 27) is a bit scary, we know that they are blessings and it’s always worth it.
I think when people say “I couldn’t do it” or “I couldn’t afford it”..they are trying to imagine it with society’s standards of lifestyle…which tends to be “get what everyone else has, even if you can’t afford it. Missing out will make you miserable.” And of course every parent wants to provide the best for their child…just society teaches a messed up perspective of what actually IS best.
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I’m so excited for you, Savannah! Congrats on your pregnancy! It is so much fun when they start playing together! I am excited to have 3 girls close in age. I really pray they will be close friends!
And I agree–there are SO many ways to make it work! As Christians, we have to get over “society’s standards”! We buy most clothes used or on clearance, don’t have cable, don’t take elaborate vacations, etc. either…but it’s so worth it!
Oh my…I hear you! My 2nd and 3rd are that far apart as well. And by my 4th pregnancy we stopped hearing “Are you having anymore?” and started hearing “Are you guys done?”. Yes our 4th was a surprise (we were actually hoping to adopt for #4), but that doesn’t mean we weren’t happy for him to come! It is amazing that some people just butt right in and give an opinion where it is NONE of their business! We also homeschool, and it is interesting that when people see we have 4 and we homeschool they automatically assume my husband must make a lot of money. It is a choice and a sacrifice, but it is mine to make thank.you.very.much.
Much joy and love to you and your family for this baby and however many more you are blessed with 
It is amazing what people feel is OK to butt in and say!! Since we are having a 3rd girl, people often ask if we will try for a boy. I say: We would be thrilled for a 4th girl!!
Absolutely! We have girl, boy, girl, boy. After the 2nd baby, 1st boy everyone assumed we were done since we had the ideal boy and girl…we never cared! We were just happy to have them
Psalm 127:4-5
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
As a teenager, I determined that I wanted eight children. I stuck with that for years, but as I grew older than number had to decrease. In the end, I didn’t marry until I was 45, and by then, children were no longer possible for me. It still hurts, being childless, but I’ve walked the path I was meant to. Stopping at just two children would never have been for me, though. There were three of us in my family. I’m a twin, and our brother is seven years older. My husband’s son and his wife have five children (stairsteps). My daughter-in-law’s sister has 10 children, and both of these families are happy, thriving, and successful. No one is on welfare, and no one is without a quality education, including college. Large families are possible, and a blessing when you do it right!
Thanks so much for sharing your story–and I imagine the Lord has given you opportunity to “mother” others through your influence even more than you realize!
Thank you for post.
We just had our fourth child (3, 2,2, and 6 months). Our house is loud, fun and hectic most days. However we know God has called us to raise these wonderful children. When we go out we get comments like those most of the time and much worse. However we always try to respond in a Christian manner. Thank you, we are not weird b/c we have a bigger than 2 family. We are just doubly blessed. I too, have chosen to come home with our children. I have two degrees and we have chosen to give our best to our family first. Careers, more education and more stuff will always be there, its these times with the little ones that pass so quickly.
It’s great to find other moms who are on the same page! Our house is loud, run and hectic as well!! Blessings to you and your 4 little ones!!
Such an encouraging post, Erin! I cannot wait to “meet” your littlest one!
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Thanks, Leigh Ann! We all need a skype date!
I have 3 boys that are 4, almost 3, and 1….I heard all of those comments as well. It was really sad for me to tell people when we were expecting our third because of the reactions we got. When people saw me walking around with my big belly and two boys they would always say, “oh are you finally getting your girl?” My oldest one time turned around and said, “no, we are having a brother!” I get the are you going to try for a girl. I get a lot of I’m sorrys, like it’s a bad thing to have 3 boys. I love my boys. I wish people saw children for what they really are. Thank you for this post. I hope your little lady comes soon and that you labor goes smoothly.
Thanks for sharing! It sounds like you’ve had a very similar experience to ours–except we are on our 3rd girl. Like you with your boys, we are absolutely THRILLED to have 3 girls!
Thank you for your post! I grew up the oldest girl of 8 children, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything! Would love a big family myself…
I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say: “I wish I hadn’t had so many siblings, etc.” Hope you get that big family you desire!
First post I have read from your blog and I loved it! My hubby and I recently became pregnant and couldn’t be more excited, happy or grateful to God. Our families are overjoyed and even our work colleagues who do not follow the ways of the Lord couldn’t be happier for us. So why then are my Christian friends disappointed. Their congratulations and hugs are for lip service only. I have been told on several occasions that we should get our financial ducks in a row, and that I should also be working full time if we’re to even consider trying! I had someone ask me not 5 minutes after I broke the news if “we can afford to have a baby…you know financially and emotionally”, insinuating that we should not be having children! I will leave my ranting there, hehe.
I was terribly hurt but have come to learn through prayer, thought and much discussion that I should not worry what other people say. We base our opinions on what we know, I was raised with the values that children are a blessing and marriage is a full commitment, in every sense- obedience, servitude and spiritual. I am blessed to have the hubby I have (knabbed wink) and our little bundle of love and joy who is soon to be brought into this world!
Thank you for your post, it has blessed and encouraged me to no end! Xox
Hi Abi! First of all, congrats on your pregnancy!! Second, I am so sorry to hear of all the negative comments from your Christian friends! I can say we heard much of the same (as I wrote in this post) with the announcement of our 3rd. If we waited until we “could afford” children, we would have never started! I pray you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and know that the Lord planned your little one from the beginning of time!
Wonderful post and comments! I just started following your blog and I really enjoy it. I have a boy (4) and a girl (2). Me and my hubby just started talking about when to try for a third child. Blessings to you and you family!
Thank you so much, Frankie…it’s nice to “meet” you!!
Having two teens and now on the way, I wondered why God was giving me another child when I haven’t done so great with the first two. I recently read a book that helped me realize I was treating my children (whom I love dearly) like burdens rather than blessings.
Thankful for the prompting to change!
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I’d love to know what book that is!! Congrats on your pregnancy–and thanks for sharing!!
Well said!
We are currently expecting our 3rd. Our family is very supportive, but other people look at you like….why? We had a girl then a boy and we were told that was perfect. Because we want to that’s why. I heard someone say once that children aren’t what is so expensive ….. lifestyles are.
Congratulations! That is what needs to be said when you find out a couple is expecting,What a Blessing!
I have 7 children, and believe me, I have heard every rude or intrusive comment many times. One of my favorites – ” Don’t you know what causes that yet?”. I used to be hurt or angry when people would say such things to me, but over the years, I have come to realize that I really feel bad for those making the comments, most of them will never experience the joys of a large, loving family.
My very wise Aunt Polly, who was blessed with 8 children told me, when I was expecting my 7th, ” don’t worry about what others say, when I got older, I found out I needed all 8 of my children.” I am sure she was right.
Hi, Erin…I have enjoyed reading your post today, as it was just what I needed! I have 3 children, boy 15, boy 12, and girl 8. After the birth of our daughter my husband and I regretfully decided to have a tubal. It has been a regret of mine almost since the day she was brought home…Recently we have looked into having it reversed and I have been so troubled. I want another child terribly but the comments of our own family members have me a bit discouraged. Yes, financially money is an issue, as my husband is our sole provider, but I am almost 35 and feel that if God has laid this on our hearts than we need to follow through sooner rather than later. Children are a blessing and I know God will provide. Prayers would be appreciated for our family as this is a major decision to be made… Oh, and congratulations to you!!!!
You should check into Blessed Arrows. That is where we found a doctor for my husband’s vas reversal when the Lord revealed to us that He is the one in control of the womb (especially Genesis 30:1-2). The purpose of Blessed Arrows is to raise money for those who cannot afford the reversals (both vas & tubal). May God provide the funds and the fruit of the womb!!
p.s. I can’t wait to get those questions;-) That will mean that God has answered our prayer for more children! One comment I get a lot with my current three are “Your hands are full” and I usually respond with “My heart is full too and we pray that we are blessed with even more children!”
THANK YOU! This is a beautiful post and I completely agree with you. I’m currently pregnant with my third (and so far, haven’t received any of the comments you’ve mentioned – most of our family and friends are very supportive). A friend of mine said she received similar comments when she was expecting her third (and she’s now having her fourth). Both my husband and I came from families of three kids, but we want a large family and know quite a few families with 8, 9, or 10 kids – happy, smart, beautiful families whom I admire greatly. Anyway, congratulations to you, blessings durign this pregnancy, and thanks for sharing your heart.
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I wanted our third so badly, so did my husband…who hadn’t been that sold on our second. But I miscarried last year. Now I’ll be 40, so I guess it’s over. Amazing though, how many commented that my miscarriage was, “for the best”. I’m wondering whose best.
I’m so sorry someone said that about the baby you lost, Christine! :’( That is horrible, and so so so inappropriate. We got pregnant on our honeymoon, totally a surprise, and then I caught Influenza and our baby died, all in the first few weeks of her life. To this day, only a tiny handful of the people who know (and it’s been six years) actually accept that it really happened, and expressed sorrow for us. I can’t tell you how many otherwise wonderful people said it was better to believe there had been no baby (we knew I was pregnant, but hadn’t been able to see a doctor yet), or that God needed her in heaven more than we did here on earth, or that God must have known we weren’t ready (apparently, He gave us a baby, then decided we would be bad parents, and took it away again). People can be CRUEL, and I’m sorry you experienced that.
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That is so cruel! Thank you so much for sharing your story, Alena!
I am a mother of five and grandmother of 8 and each and every one of them was a blessing. I and my daughter-in-law have heard many of these statements. She just gave birth to her 4th daughter a month ago and the cruel comments keep right on coming. She just smiles and says, “I want an even dozen of whatever I can get.”
I have 5 daughters and a son, they are all grown now. When I was expecting my 5th my mother said it is just obscene to have so many children. She had given birth to 5 children. When I was expecting my 6th my neighbor who had given birth to 6 children 30 years earlier said it was unfair to children to have them be born in this day an age, about 20 years. They grew up fine and people still tell people how unfair it is to give birth to children in this day and age. Now many of my children are having more than two and they get the same thing you do. Every day and age has been a “bad time to have babies” all we can do is love them and take care of them.
I have 4 little boys currently, and trusting God for more if He wills. I to stay at home and live on a very tight budget, and home school. It’s not easy, and when people make their comments, it’s annoying at best. But we trust the Lord for our family size because He know’s best, man’s opinions and ways don’t work, and leave you with regrets. The world needs godly seed.