“Waiting is just a gift of time in disguise — a time to pray, wrapped up in a ribbon of patience — because is the Lord ever late?”
I found it so appropriate that–unknowingly to her–the women’s ministry director at our church posted the above quote on her Facebook page the day our sweet third baby girl was born. Because she came 12 days past her due date, each day leading up to her birth seemed like an eternity to me.
But when she finally made her fast and furious appearance in the early morning of Wednesday, August 22, it was obvious my baby girl was right on time.
You see–I wasn’t ready before then. She may have been ready…but I learned in that precious time in between the ultrasound’s first guestimate of August 10 to the morning on August 22 that there were things the Lord wanted me to process before baby girl would be born.
Yes–it was me who was not ready.
The Weeks Before
You see–this little girl–whose name means “God of Grace” and whose middle name is Joy–came to us by surprise, and although I firmly believe ALL children are to be celebrated and are a blessing, I admit that in the days leading up to her birth, I experienced lots of fear:
- Fear of the birth: Although I had experienced a wonderful, natural labor with my second, when I discovered I was anemic, I was plagued by fears of hemmorhaging during labor.
- Fear of postpartum depression: After experiencing PPD with my second, I was scared of all those overwhelming feelings resurfacing with baby girl #3.
- Fear of the midwife on call during delivery: At the very end of my pregnancy, a new midwife started working in my practice, and I was scared of having someone not as experienced deliver.
- Fear of being able to manage mothering 3 children when I felt like I barely had a handle on how to mother 2…
Oh my body felt ready….I was uncomfortably large, that’s for sure….but emotionally and spiritually, I was not.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear…” ~2 Timothy 1:7
About a week before I went into labor, my doula said she thought I was experiencing what Ina May, the “mother of modern natural birthing” calls the spincter reflex. Basically, her theory was that my fears were preventing me from going into labor.
Was she right? Only God knows, but I can’t say she didn’t have reason to propose this theory!
Beyond all my fears, my husband and I were both worried that our baby had not yet been born and he was about to start a new job–and my mother was about to leave town for a month to accompany my sister to another country! Baby Girl was just not coming on our timetable!
The bottom line? I wasn’t trusting God. What have I known for 20+ years now? God’s timing is perfect. His plans are best. And HE had planned Baby Girl’s birth story even before time began!
And it finally hit me: More than anything, I wasn’t spiritually ready for Baby Girl’s birth.
Image by Ryk Neethling
I started seeking the Lord more in those final days before her birth. I pulled out some memory verses that I keep on spiral-bound 3×5 cards. One verse in particular jumped out at me:
“He will keep in perfect peace He whose mind is steadfast because He trusts in You.”
Of all the emotions I had been experiencing over the proceeding few weeks, peace was not one of them. And, more than anything, I needed the Lord’s peace right then.
And so I started meditating on this verse. Day and night I’d recite it to myself. And guess what happened?
Check back later this week to read part 2 of my third baby girl’s birth story!
Top image by blue2likeyou
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