Today I’m feeling anxious.
My husband….he’s on the front lines.
Growing up, I always said I could never marry a police officer or a fireman–much less a military man. Oh, I respect these men and the women who marry them, but I just could never do it. Watch my husband drive into harm’s way each and every day?
And then I married a teacher.
Today I’m thinking of Newtown.
I’m thinking of Dawn Hochsprung’s husband, George, who discovered on Friday that his wife had been murdered in the school where she led.
I’m thinking of Vicki Soto’s sister and Lauren Rosseau’s boyfriend and the mommies and daddies and brothers and sisters of 20 6 and 7 year olds.
I’m thinking about the countless conversations that took place among families this weekend.
“Should we take the girls out of preschool?” I asked my husband.
“We can’t live in fear,” he answers.
“But they don’t really need it….”
I think about where his classroom sits. I see the glass door not far from where he teaches.
“What would you do?” I ask. “Where would you go?”
Today I want to hunker down in my little house and never leave.
I think about my girls–my 4 year old who I drop off at preschool three days per week. How can my stomach not be in knots when I drop her off tomorrow?
And my two year old–who last night awoke from a bad dream. And as I cuddled and comforted her in her bed and then in the glider at 1 a.m., I thought to the nightmares the babies in Newtown were having right then.
I have no answers.
All I know is this:
“though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.” 1 Peter 1
And even in this, may our faith be refined….
And though there may not be peace on earth in a physical sense this Christmas, may HIS peace rule and reign in our hearts.
Image by Danilo Paissan