Guest post by Jenn of The Purposeful Mom
This post is part of the Breast-Kept Secrets: Breastfeeding Advice from One Mom to Another series. Go back and read all posts here.
Before my first child was born, I learned all I could about nursing my baby. My expectation was set for an amazing bonding experience with just a little bit of adjustment to the “discomfort” of the first few days of breastfeeding.
It was nothing like I was promised.
My little guy’s birth was somewhat difficult and he began his life outside the womb in the care of NICU nurses because he was not breathing. It was a confusing and disorienting few minutes for me as a first-time mom and I wasn’t sure what to expect next.
He was sweet and quiet, his bright blue eyes taking in everything around him. When we began nursing he had no issues latching or eating for long periods of time. I decided to use a method of feeding where we let him nurse with no routine for the first 10 days but simply worked to get full feedings. After about 2 weeks, he naturally transitioned to eating about every 2 to 2 ½ hours and my milk supply was excellent.
It was at that point that I threatened to call it quits.
Why? The physical pain I experienced in breastfeeding. It was excruciating, causing me to dig my nails into my loving and accommodating husband’s arm for the first few minutes of each nursing session. There was no “uncomfortable tugging.” Oh, no. It was full-on, scream-inducing agony.
Not only was I sore, I was bleeding and cracking like crazy and so engorged that my body was undergoing a constant rush of high heat. Every nursing session that approached filled me with dread. No amount of pure lanolin, cabbage leaves or any other natural remedy I tried gave me relief.
When I first spoke to the lactation consultant on the phone, she thought I must be doing something incorrectly if I was having so much trouble. She was quite surprised after meeting with me to discover that I wasn’t doing anything wrong, as far as she could tell. I had done my research and tried every method in the book to relieve my physical anguish and so far nothing had helped.
So what did help? Mostly it was time. Allowing myself to cry through the pain. Some grit and determination was also involved as was the comfort of having a husband beside me to talk me through the most difficult moments. The peace of God that transcends understanding eventually worked its way in and talked me out of quitting. It was another situation for me to learn to let go of control and trust the Lord.
We worked and worked toward the goal of a better nursing experience. And after about four months, as things slowly improved, I was able to nurse without being afraid and wishing it would just be over. It finally became a time of closeness with my little boy.
I truly want you to be encouraged that breastfeeding is worth it, whether your experience is as bad as mine or better. Yes, there are women who can’t do it. Do not allow yourself or others to make you feel like a failure if you bottle feed your baby. But if you desire to press on, I’d encourage you to persevere as long as you are able because our bodies do produce the perfect food for our babies!
Whether you’re struggling with milk supply, latching issues, extreme pain and engorgement or other stressors, there are resources and helpful people who can advise you or simply be a shoulder to cry on when you are in need. And if you are a Christian, strengthen your prayer life! Take your cares and concerns to the Lord, casting all your anxiety on Him, claiming Scriptures that say you can trust Him.
Even an incredibly difficult experience at the beginning does not mean that you are doing something wrong or are not meant to breastfeed. Sometimes the textbook solutions don’t work and you may need to get creative and figure out what works for you.
Maybe it’s switching up your positions and stocking up on a store’s worth of lanolin for relief. Perhaps it’s a certain tea, supplement or relaxation method that helps your supply. It could be that consulting a lactation consultant gives you a calming reassurance and shows you if there is indeed something that can be corrected. Or maybe it will just take time, like it did for me. In the meantime, don’t let the criticisms of others destroy your spirit.
Now that our family has grown to three children (with baby number four arriving in October), I am thankful that my nursing experience has been a bit easier each time. There has been less of an adjustment period with each child and I have made it a point to remind myself that the ways I cope and work through the difficult moments will eventually bring me through to a precious bonding time with my babies.
Have you ever faced challenges that seemed insurmountable? How did God help you to persevere?
Jenn is a daughter of the King, happily married to her college sweetheart and mom to three wonderfully spunky children. She spends her time taking care of her home and family, reading good books, blogging and dreaming up ways that she can finally have a perfectly organized home {ha!}. She shares her thoughts on raising children of character, staying debt free, loving your husband and encouraging moms to live a life of intentional faith at The Purposeful Mom.
Megan M.
Jenn, I teared up reading this because this is almost exactly my story, except that I gave up at two months with my first because it wasn’t getting better and no one could tell me what was wrong. I hated quitting SO bad and I prayed everyday until my second was born that I would be able to bf her. And I did, even though the first four months had me sobbing in pain the entire feeding, every feeding. Thankfully my third and fourth were only about a month of bad pain.
Jenn
Megan, I SO understand what you went through! Thankful that you were able to get more relief with your 3rd and 4th. God gives us much grace, no matter what the outcome. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and reading my post!
Ruthann
Wow, talk about Godly timing! Thank you so much for this post! It was an answer to prayer as I struggled with feeding last night and questioned whether or not to keep on keeping on. This is my 3rd child and it has been the most difficult and painful nursing experience to date. She is only 5 weeks old, but I have to fight to wake her so she will nurse every 2-3 hours vs 4-6 hours! At night she nurses every hour but only for 5-10 minutes: long enough to lull her into sleep. I have cried and cried each night as I nursed in the silence and have prayed many nights. THIS speaks to my heart and is definitely an answer to prayer, and an encouragement! Thank you so very much!!
Jenn
Thank you so much for reading my post and taking the time to share your experience. Praying for great peace for you!
Melinda
I had such extreme pain for the first four weeks of breastfeeding. I desperately wanted to give up so many times during that first month. I was expecting it to be painful (due to my sister’s experiences), but it was worse than I thought and last longer than I expected. I think if the pain had gone on much longer I would have given up.
Jenn
It’s so tough to see it through, but thankfully God’s grace abounds for those times!
Julie
I’m nursing my third, 8 weeks old, and just called my friend yesterday to tell her I wanted to quit because it hurts so badly. For some reason, I though since I’d successfully nursed before that this would be a piece of cake! I’m not really going to quit and use bottles, but it’s so hard right now! Thank you for sharing your story, and for those who have commented above. It helps to know that I’m not alone!
Jenn
We are all in this journey of motherhood together and it’s so great when we can be an encouragement to each other. Thank you for sharing! I completely understand and sympathize with your pain!
Suni
Still nursing my 2nd/last baby at 16 months. Both the experience with my son and my daughter have been extremely different with varying challenges. He nursed till 12 1/2 months and quit. With my son, he was so small that we had to use a shield in order for him to nurse properly for the first 3 months and it hurt a lot. With my daughter, I have had bouts of excruciating pain throughout and there was nothing we were doing wrong…just the way it was/has been. I wouldn’t trade this time for the world, though. The closeness we have because of nursing is priceless. My daughter is still going strong with no foreseeable end.
Jenn
So glad it’s going well for you now!
April
We have eight children and I had this issue with #7, which I did not expect. Mentioned it to my obstetrician while visiting about a different issue. I figured I just had to work through the pain. He diagnosed yeast and put me on APNO (all-purpose nipple ointment). I had NO IDEA, even after 7 children, that it was yeast. Within a couple of days, the excruciating pain was gone. Just a thought…..
Jenn
Yup, sometimes there definitely are things we can do to change how it’s going for us! My lac consultant and I checked into every possible thing and there was nothing that seemed to be wrong! I’m so glad you figured out what was going on so it could be better for you!
sarah
I echo the APNO (although my dr called it “magic nipple cream”) – that stuff saved my sanity! I had a lactation consultant tell me that we were all good, and there wasn’t a reason for the pain. My dr prescribed the ointment (at 6 weeks) and I was pain-free in just a couple of days – nothing short of a miracle! I only wish I had known about it sooner and avoided the weeks of agony.
Amy @ {Life to the Full}
Wonderful post and awesome job of perseverance and relying on God to get you through! You are such an encouragement to other moms.
My son was born a month early and had issues latching due to his small size. I ended up using a nipple shield for the first three months of his life to help him “stay on” and we definitely had our nursing frustrations! But we kept pushing through and now my son is 6 months old and I LOVE breastfeeding. We “practiced” nursing with and without the shield for a month or so and then he weaned himself of it completely. I’m glad God doesn’t pick on us for having strange prayers because I know mine was “God, please help us get rid of this shield! Please help him latch!” – not the most beautiful prayer ever, but God listens anyways 🙂
Breastfeeding definitely wasn’t easy for me right off the bat, but I am so thankful that God was there to give me patience! He put the right women in my life to encourage me and my husband was so supportive, too.
Jenn
What an awesome story! Thanks for reading my post and sharing your experience too 🙂
Stephanie H.
I was able to EBF my first child for a year with no real issues – a bit of soreness at first because he was tongue-tied, but otherwise, no real issues.
My second pregnancy I found out I was being blessed with twins. I EBF’ed them for 3 months before I couldn’t stand it anymore because I was literally tied to the couch for 1 hour each feeding, and they wanted to nurse again about 20 to 30 minutes after. Day and night. It was awful. No matter what I ate, how much I drank, or what I did, I could not fill their tummies. They screamed constantly and I cried most days. Nobody was happy.
So, I added in a bottle and they turned from tortured souls to happy(er) babies with full bellies. I continued to BF as much as I could until they were 6mos when they both decided they were done entirely with nursing and we threw in the towel.
They’re almost 1yo now and are healthy, happy, smart babies.
If I were to have another (not remotely possible, but if God were to intervene and reverse the vasectomy, lol) I would totally give BFing another try, but it doesn’t always work, no matter how hard we try…
Wendy
I can relate to this story as well. My nursing journey has been long and varied. I had my first child at 22, and I had so much milk that I would wet through pads and onto my shirt! So embarrassing. I felt like aside from the leakage, we didn’t have any particular issues. The second child was okay, and the nursing was similar, minus the leakage. I still had plenty of milk for one-on-one nursing, but because I had returned to work, pumping after feedings and at work wasn’t providing a full “bf” milk, and I suffered some guilt when I finally needed sleep over pumping, and supplemented each bottle with the difference of bm and formula to meet demand. When I had my third, I suffered with this excruciating pain. I could not believe it, and I, too, cried through each feeding hoping to get beyond it. When I did visit the clinic they suggested breast shields and while they were not the cure all, at least the skin to gum latch on pain was decreased. Yes, I still suffered, but not as intensely. With my fourth child the pain was back, but I felt more empowered knowing what to do. In all instances I was determined NOT to give up, though trust me I thought about it, and the consequences. In all honesty? My superficial reason won out; I am a chubby girl, and nursing is one guaranteed way for me to lose weight. Every time! I lose MORE than I gain while pregnant and I just could not give up the best weight loss method ever! LOL. I look ahead to this final, fifth, baby and think how it’s been almost 20 years since my first one was born, and how I’m changed….and how much I’ve grown…and how I still fear that awful breast pain…..
Verna
That sounds a lot like my experience with my first. The pain was unbearable! If nursings wasn’t so important to me, I probably wouldn’t have made it ti 6 weeks. I find it irritating that everything I read during my pregnancy said that it shouldn’t hurt if you are doing it right. Like you, I studied all I could before hand, I was doing it right and it still hurt. It just took 6 weeks for my body to get used to breastfeeding. Six long painful weeks but after that it was much much better. The 2nd and 3rd babies have been a little easier adjustment. It’s still difficult in the beginning but it doesn’t last as long and I’m more prepared. Thank you for sharing your story!!
Rebecca
It’s so true. I think the breastfeeding advocates are so eager to encourage everyone to breastfeed, that they sometimes gloss over the difficulties a bit… I have been blessed with 2 sons, ages 2 1/2 and 5 months, and both times, we have run into challenges nursing. One of my biggest issues with breastfeeding is that my period comes back early (3 1/2 months PP with #1 and 5 months PP with #2) and both times, I have seriously low milk supply as my body gears up for my cycle to return. It makes for a very difficult week or two each time, until my babies start eating more solid food. Thankfully, I was prepared this time and froze extra milk in the early weeks to supplement with during my times of low supply. I hope by baby #3 that I will have learned all the “tricks of the trade” 😉
Another thing I recently learned about is that some people can have the opposite of a “euphoric” sensation when their milk lets down (it has a name that I can’t remember), causing actual anxiety and dread during the time of let-down. I don’t personally experience that issue, but that must be so difficult! There are many challenges to parenting, and in my mind, breastfeeding was one thing that I was determined to succeed at by the grace of God, so we stuck it out. But it takes perseverance and patience, for sure. I’m glad you were able to stay strong and persevere! 🙂
Jenn
Thanks, Rebecca! I’m so glad you were able to keep going too and as we learn more each time we feel more confident in what we are doing!
Annemarie
This made me smile! I also had an incredibly difficult start to nursing (lots of pain, major blood loss, no milk for 5 days, etc etc) and it wasn’t until 5-8 weeks that we started to both enjoy the bonding & better parts of nursing. I am so incredibly thankful for the nurses, lactation consultants, and my husband, who all encouraged me and kept me going, despite my wanting to quit ever day, hour, minute at times. I’m so proud I was able to nurse my little boy and I actually miss it now that he’s weaned!! Breastfeeding was definitely an experience that showed me just how tough and determined I can be!
Liz
This article was very useful, if you don’t mind, I’d love to translate this article in my blog, of course I will include the source.You did not mind do you?
Evie Graber
I just ran across your blog today. And since I’m struggling with bf this caught my attention, and I read several of your bf blogs. I also teared up reading this. My baby is 6 days old, and I too am going through EXCRUCIATING pain. I cracked the first day he was born, and the last 4 or 5 days have been horrible! I just about can’t take the pain. But like you, I’m too stuborn and determined to get through it. This is my 3rd baby, I don’t remember either of the others hurting quite this bad. Lactation consultants I have talked to in the last couple days think too, that he must have a bad latch or something. I really don’t thing he does, but I’m planning on meeting with one tomorrow. Thank you for the encouragement! And yes, it has made me cry out to God more.
Kelli
Hi there. I haven’t read all the comments but I just wanted to add something that wasn’t mentioned in this article. 2 of my 4 children were tongue and/or lip tied. Once they had the frenectomy, our nursing experience drastically improved. Hang in there! Nursing baby number 4 as I type this on my cell phone 🙂
Sarah H.
I am SO glad that someone else has gone through this! I saw multiple lactation consultants who were convinced that I was doing something wrong but each had a different opinion of what I was doing wrong! I was so overwhelmed feeling like I was failing at breastfeeding my son, something that I’m supposedly made to do. I only fed my first child for about four months but now my son is two months old and I have finally reached a point where there is no pain and I don’t flinch when he latches on and all it took was time. If anyone else is having this problem, you are not alone and sometimes it just takes time (sometimes months) for the pain to go away! It doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing anything wrong!!!!! I would suggest going to a lactation consultant (but don’t think they are the end all be all of breastfeeding advice) and joining a breastfeeding support group. Get help and advice, keep trying, cry it out and pray, pray, pray!!!
Amber
Lip and tongue ties often go undiagnosed and can cause pain even when latch looks completely correct.
Rebecca
Lanolin was a life saver for my soreness!! I had horrible pain with my second, but with my third and fourth children, I used lanolin a few weeks before they were born and up through a few months afterwards. I had no pain at all and was able to nurse for a full year. I plan on doing the same with my fifth baby. I buy lanolin as a baby shower gift for new mommies and tell them to use it! Its a must have!!
Heather
Wow! This really struck a chord with me. I stuck it out for 8 weeks with my first and it never got any better. Every feeding was so horrible. He was latched on fine and the lactation consultant couldn’t figure out what was going on. She finally chalked it up to Reynaud’s Syndrome, if which I was never convinced. I didn’t even attempt to breastfeed my other two. I felt some guilt over it but told myself it was better for our whole family if I wasn’t in constant pain and as long as my babies were fed, there was no reason to feel regret. I’ve never met anyone else who had a similar situation. It’s good to know I’m not the only one out there who had unexplained pain.
Danielle
I, too, had SEVERE pain nursing all 3 of my daughters. And it was ALWAYS due to a lip tie (not a tongue tie…the lip tie is extra skin right above where their biggest top middle teeth come in, as well as sometimes under the bottom middle two teeth). I had no idea with the first and suffered the very same excruciating pain with each dreaded feeding…until it let up on its own at 7 months. I found out at 18 months what the problem had been all along. So then I had the other two checked at birth for lip ties and…yep…both had them…did the frenectomy when they were less than a week old and – such a blessing – immediate relief!!!! So many lactation consultants don’t know to look for lip ties, but often children’s dentists do…I want to advise new moms to call around and find an expert in your area if you have pain that might be caused by a lip tie…if nothing else is helping, you might as well check into it! This website has pics, although I would say my daughters’ lip ties weren’t quite as bad as these pictures, so I’m sure there’s a spectrum: https://pediatric-dental.com/lip-and-tongue-ties-in-babies/
Blessings!