Ever feel like you’re not cut out for motherhood? Yeah—me, too! Come read this post for some encouragement, inspiration and GRACE!
Welcome to our first Dear Mom Letters post! This series has been brewing in my head for some time now, and I am so excited to finally get the opportunity to share my heart with you all through this series!
Dear Mom who thinks she’s not cut out for motherhood,
Before you became a mom, you thought you could do it all. In school, you gravitated toward subjects where you were the most gifted, and you excelled.
In the workplace, you received accolades and awards.
You felt comfortable in your role. You knew who you were, and you knew you were fulfilling what God has created you to be.
And then you became a mother.
Oh, you looked forward to that day. How you dreamed of it–even when you were afraid it may never happen!
You prayed and read and prepared your little heart out…
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And then that sweet child was born.
You felt clueless. And even with time, you still do.
Dear Mom who thinks she’s not cut out for motherhood,
Everyone said that this motherhood thing would be second nature. But it’s anything but natural for you.
When the other moms around you seemed to confidently take to breastfeeding, you floundered.
When your colicky baby cried all night, instead of soothing her, you cried back.
And the poopy diapers–they never seem to end, do they? Just when you finish changing one, another explosion is on its way.
Why even try to dress in anything but baggy T-shirts and yoga pants? It will be spit up or sneezed or snotted or boogered or bled or pooped on anyway.
When other moms showcase their Pinterest crafts, you cannot even stay within the lines of your daughter’s Dora the Explorer coloring book.
When other moms display their Martha Stewart baked goods, you fumble through internet recipes and can’t ever seem to get the cake to rise.
Or when other moms seem to instinctively know when to be stern and discipline their children, you falter and double guess your every move.
When other moms get down on the ground and play silly games with their children, you feel, well, just plain silly yourself.
Dear Mom who thinks she’s not cut out for motherhood,
I was you.
Actually, up until very, very recently, the phrase “I’m not cut out for motherhood” would taunt me almost every day.
If God gave me these children–and I wholeheartedly believe He so graciously blessed me with them–then why do I feel so inadequate to mother them?
And then it hit me one day: That was exactly how I was supposed to feel. Because, you see, I absolutely, positively cannot mother them in my own strength.
I just can’t.
And neither can you.
But with God’s strength, I can do anything. Anything!
And all of the sudden, the Scripture “His strength is made perfect in weakness,” (2 Corinthians 12:9) took on a whole new meaning.
Here I was–this former valedictorian-honor-graduate-overachiever-at-everything-in-life person…feeling pretty much just as weak as I had ever felt.
I heard it again: “His strength, HIS strength…is made perfect in weakness.”
So if you’re feeling weak today, Mama–if it’s day 537 of a little voice in your head saying: “I’m just not cut out for motherhood,” then please take hold of this truth.
God gave those little children to you, Mama–to YOU. No one else can mother them like you can.
You may have your work cut out for you–but YOU’RE the one cut out to accomplish it.
Go in grace, dear mama. Go in grace.
Have you ever felt like you weren’t cut out for motherhood?
Need more encouragement? I suggest this post.
Ash
Thanks for this! I have said these words to myself so often. Motherhood has stretched me so far beyond anything else–and that is both hard and good. May the Lord receive the glory!
Jolene
Thank you for your honesty and realness. I need to rely on him more during my day especially when I feel overwhelmed by my little ones needs.
Amelia
Thanks for your encouragement. I am a mum of 3 kids under 5. My baby is 7 months old. I often feel overwhelmed and under equipped. I’m tired and really tired and really really tired. But Jesus holds us. Thank God our Jesus carries us!
Nikolia
Thank you! Getting ready for my first and this scares me to death…
Tara E
thanks! great reminder
Mandy
Made me cry again. 🙂 Another stitch of healing (in reference to my comment on the babies born into heaven post).
Erin
Awwww…I really hope they are healing tears! Walk in grace today, Mandy! {Hugs!}
Stacy @ A Delightful Home
Wonderful post, Erin.
I have felt the same way and am learning that there is much strength in weakness.
Thanks for sharing.
Shauna Fisher
Thank you for writing this! Exactly what I needed/wanted to hear. I WAS that girl. Who thought she was going to be the best mother. Never once did I think that it would be hard for me. I mean, I knew it would be hard, but I thought I could handle it. Wow, was I wrong and naive. Thank. You!
www.whatshaunaknows.com
Lori
LOVED this! I have two grown boys, remarried and couldn’t wait to retry mommy hood as a “real” adult. Was I in for a surprise! My third son, now four, is a challenge in every way possible. Every. Single. Day. So many times I’ve thought God made a mistake giving him to me because I’m not equipped to raise a difficult child. But I pray constantly, and know in my heart he was given to me for a reason, and all I can do is love this rambunctious, active, silly, sweet boy. He’s mine, and I’m his. Thanks so much for the post!
Erin
I so know your feelings, Lori (although I am just going through it the first time around now–with a 5,3 and 1 year old!). God did make YOU to be this little boy’s mommy! Be encouraged!!
Emily
Thank you for this post. I know the best thing for me to do is stay home with my children(2 and 8mo), but so many times I struggle with feeling like I can’t do it. I have wanted to return to work very badly, even though I know God and my husband want me home. I know God doesn’t make mistakes but in all honesty I wondered if I did by becoming a mother. Thank you again!
Erin
Those are lies about it being a mistake, Emily! I know the feeling, but God made YOU to be THEIR mother!! Be encouraged today, and know you are not alone!! Thanks for visiting!!
Bri
Thank you!! I needed to read this!
Erin
I hope it blessed you, Bri!
Rachel S
I feel this way nearly everday. I’ve always been a natural and good at everything. But homemaking and being a mommy is so hard for me, nothing comes natural in this area! I often wonder why God has placed me at home with these precious little people. Thank you for the encouragement!
Mary
Thank you! A very spirited, sparky two and a half year old and a three month old baby thank you, too, for giving their mummy a bit more faith – in myself and in God x
Diana
Thank you for this. It’s a good reminder.
I feel incredibly defeated and alone and seems like hourly I think about just leaving, like my family would be better off without me.
Cori
Thank you for this. 😉
Danielle @ More Than Four Walls
I really needed this today. I am having a terrible time with my son lately. He just will not listen to me and tests every bit of patience that’s in me.
Thanks for being real.
Heather
I honestly need prayer. I don’t deserve to be a mom. Can’t get it out of my head. The grief and guilt is overpowering.
Erin
Oh Heather, I am so sorry to hear this! I will pray for you right now. Is there anyone you can talk to or seek out counseling? I am so sorry!
Jay
Thanks for posting. Hugs from a mama who really needed to hear this.
julie vaughan
Thank you for this article. I need this today.
Kate
In the process of adopting 2 little ones (3 and almost 5)… Going from 0 kids to 2. I know that I can’t do it with my own strength… I missed out on the opportunity to carry them, birth them, bond with them in their early years… Yup, God’s gonna have to do a lot to make this work!
Erin
CONGRATS on the new little ones, Kate! I am so happy for you!! God planned out before time began for YOU to mother these children, and HE will equip those He has called!!
Lara
Wow. Congratulations! What a great step, and what a great deed.
I can totally relate to the lack of bonding in early life—I have two stepsons, the day I married I became a wife and a stepmother all on the same day. They were 9 and 5 then. That was over three years ago, and a HUGE lot I had on my plate. And still have! I sometimes think that if there’s anything in the world that is harder than being a good mother, it’s being a good stepmother, because love can look much more like a conscious decision you often have to renew. I’ll confirm when I do become a mother. 😉 Hang in there for two little beings that need you more than we can ever understand!
Jay
I feel so inadequate to be a mom right now.
I love them so much but I’m tired of being so lost in motherhood. I can’t even remember me anymore sometimes. I wish I could just run away but I won’t and I can’t. My husband doesn’t understand my feelings. I’m internally stressed yet its like I don’t do enough. Jesus give me strength through my obvious weakness.
Erin
I’m so sorry you’re going through this hard time. 🙁
aimee
I love this verse. Isaiah 40:11
‘God carries us close to his heart, especially those who have young.’
Erin
That is such a great one! Thanks for sharing!
Janine
I don’t often think of myself as big on leaning on my faith – but this is so perfect for me today. I’m sitting here with my beautiful 10 day old son in my lap and crying because I’m not sure I’m meant to mother him – that I can mother him. This a welcome reminder that God picked ME to be this sweet baby’s mom – even when he wants to BF nonstop and cries bunches. Thank you!!
Erin
Oh Janine! I wish I could just sit with you right now! CONGRATS on the new baby! I go back 7 1/2 years and remember feeling exactly how you do right now. I once lay my crying baby on a blanket and locked myself in my room and cried! I finally called the preschool director at our church. I had no clue how to mother. God WILL equip you. I know it might not feel like that now, but He WILL. You are the perfect mother for your baby!
Connie
Thank you so much for this post. I am 50 year old mother to three teenagers (twin 15 year olds and a 16 year old) and a 30 year old. I would be the one who most would think I was settled into their role as a mother. However, my 30 year old gave birth to her second child on 1/24/16 and died two days later from complications. As a result, my husband (55) and I have needed to take custody of her newborn and 7 year old or they would go to foster care for the remainder of their childhood.
I kept asking God, “Are you sure this is the plan?” But I knew it was. I have been praying for strength to carry out God’s plan. Reading your post reminded me that God will keep supplying my every need. And he has. He has blessed our whole family with these two new additions and we are all growing from it. So I will continue to pray and have my faith strengthened through out this wonderfully surprising new journey in my life.
Erin
Oh Connie,I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. May our God supply ALL your needs as you mother these two beautiful children.
Gina
I was crying with my 6 week old baby boy in my arms searching the Internet for “when you don’t feel like your cut out for motherhood”. Your blog article came up and I cried through reading it, but my cry change from frustration and dispar to hope and I’m so thankful I’m not the only one with these feelings. Thank you for writing on this topic it’s exactly what I needed to hear.
Erin
Oh I am so, so glad you are encouraged! Congrats, MAMA! You can DO THIS!!!
Lisiane
This is so encouraging and inspiring. Not just what you wrote, but how so many mamas share their heart. It’s good to know you are not alone.
Thanks Erin,
Lisiane
MKS
Oh I know I’m not cut out for this. I never wanted children. Then God gave me one. He completely and drastically changed our lives… for the better.
Then I wasn’t sure I wanted another one. Then I got pregnant. But God decided I wasn’t cut out to be a mom of two.
Having a hard time healing from the hurt today.
Erin
I am so very sorry for your loss. We live in a fallen world, and we can’t know why things happen. I am praying peace for you right now and that God will show you what a great mom you are to both your baby on earth and your baby in heaven. You have one here and will have one waiting on you one day. I know that doesn’t ease the pain. I am praying for you!
Judith
Thank you! After reading this I went and used my daughter’s alphabet beads to make myself a bracelet that says II Cor Twelve Nine to remind myself of this. I’ve been struggling not to yell and my precious girls (almost 2 and almost 4 years old). I listened to a podcast about the root of anger and they talked about googling a list of words for emotions. Read the list and see which ones ring a bell with you. I did, and while I circled a few from the “anger” list (annoyed, frustrated, etc), I didn’t have any from the other columns (sadness, confusion, hurt, etc.) But I circled almost every one of them from the “Inadequacy” column (Helpless, powerless, incapable, incompetent, inept, lacking, overwhelmed, etc). I was kind of shocked really. So I googled “I feel inadequate as a mother” and read an article about how only good moms feel like bad moms, so I must be a good mom, meh, okay, but that didn’t resonate with my soul the way I was looking for. I was going to type in “feeling inadequate as a mom Christian” to find something but the next link down was for your article. I’ve read other posts from you so I got excited and decided to read it. And I’m so glad I did! Like I said, I made the bracelet right away. I’m hoping it will remind me of the verse when I’m getting angry with my kids and help me calmn down. My girls are really great kids. But they are kids who act developmentally appropriate. They don’t need me being mean and critical every time they missbehave or make a mistake. I had a nice long talk with God last night too and I’m praying that this might be the next step towards improvement. Thanks again for the encouraging post!
Erin
Hi Judith! I’m so glad you were encouraged, and I LOVE the bracelet idea. I can so relate to your comments. I hope you’ll always remember that God made YOU to be their mother–even on the bad days!! <3 (p.s. I accidentally hit reply under my husband’s name the first time because I didn’t realize he was signed in!)
Chantel
I just had to check – I’ve been a mom for 542 days (just over the 537 days you said in your post!) and yes, very often I feel like I’m not cut out to be my baby girl’s mom. And here I am, bringing her brother into this world very very soon (any day now!) I feel like I fail every day. At the very least, I feel I could do better. A lot better. But I think you’re right. I need God’s help. I need to ask Him for help because apparently I can’t do it without Him. <3 Thank you for this post. I'm not alone. 🙂
PomPom
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