Want a natural birth but facing opposition from your friends who think you are crazy? This letter is for you, mama!
This post is part of the Dear Mom Letters series.
Dear First-Time Mom Who Wants a Natural Birth,
You wrote me the other day and said you are expecting your first baby and you deeply desire to have a natural childbirth.
But none of your friends with kids had one.
And they laughed at you – and told you the only reason you want one is because you are a first-time mom.
They told you that you’ll want the epidural as soon as the first contraction hits. That you just need to sit back and let the doctors, nurses and anesthesiologist do their jobs. That they’ll take care of everything.
(Why in the world would you want to have an active role in your childbirth, anyway?)
Let me tell you something, Mrs. First-Time Mom: I was you five years ago.
I so desperately wanted a natural childbirth. I wanted to feel labor. I wanted to experience it. I wanted to be as conscious and aware of what was happening to my body as possible.
But everyone I knew had had what the majority of Americans experience: a medicated birth.
“Oh, you will be begging for the epidural!”
“You will want them to drug you up!”
“And WHY would you want to feel all that?”
They laughed at me. Just like they’re laughing at you.
Pregnancy in the time of COVID-19
So, their predictions came true. After eight hours of sweating and breathing and gritting my teeth, I asked for some relief.
They gave me something to “knock the edge off.” The next thing I knew, I was hallucinating that I was in a forest surrounded by trees covered in red berries.
As I was still in that half-hallucinated state, they brought in the paperwork and asked me to sign for my epidural. (This, um, wasn’t on my birth plan!)
I was numbed up when she arrived. She was so sleepy from the drugs that we had to rub wet wash cloths on her face to wake her to nurse.
If I had known then what I know now …
I would have known that I could indeed have had a natural childbirth. So can you, Mrs. First-Time Mom.
Dear First-Time Mom Who Wants a Natural Birth,
Don’t let “them” laugh at you.
This isn’t about mommy wars. Who cares if all your friends had medicated births, if that is what they wanted. But that’s not what you want. You want a natural birth.
And you can have one.
This isn’t a competition. It’s important that we all encourage one another as moms, even if we make different choices. Medicated or unmedicated…makes no difference in my support and encouragement of you.
You read your heart out during the rest of this pregnancy. Find yourself a doula that will support you during your labor. Practice natural pain relief. Pray.
Go into that marathon of your life with a sheer determination, and you can beat all the odds and deliver this precious baby without drugs.
You can be present. You can be aware. You can be an active participant in your child’s entrance into this world.
I know you can do it.
Rooting for you, We’ve got your back, momma!
Signed,
A mommy of four with 20/20 hindsight vision
Did you want a natural childbirth? Did anyone tell you you couldn’t have a natural childbirth?
Come back tomorrow to read my letter to moms who wanted to have a natural childbirth, but didn’t. It will be a post filled with grace.
Want tips on natural childbirth? Check out my entire series on preparing for a natural pregnancy and childbirth here!
For help with preparing for a natural childbirth, check out the #1 bestselling online childbirth course, Mama Natural Birth Course. It will empower you to have the natural birth you want…and you can watch the course in the comfort of your own home! You may also like Mama Natural’s FREE video on 8 Keys to a Natural Childbirth.
Rachel
I had my first child back in March and gave birth naturally. Sure it was painful and at one point I wanted to give up, but it was so worth it! My heart breaks for women who are discouraged from trying to have a natural childbirth. Childbirth is difficult enough as it is. We need all the support we can get no matter what choice we make.
The thing that helped me the most was making sure my husband and I were on the same page before hand. I knew I would likely want to give up at some point, so we talked about the reasons why we chose to not use pain medications. Sure enough, I hit a wall a few hours before our son was born. I turned to my husband and asked him to remind me why I was doing this! He did! He gently and lovingly reminded me and encouraged me. After that I was refocused and re-energized. It hurt A LOT, but it was one of the best experiences of my life.
Dani
Our first pregnancy resulted in loss at 12 weeks just two months ago, but my husband and I are blessed to be surrounded by friends and family who went natural or intended to but had complications. We are so excited about trying again and having a natural birth – we’ve even already found a birth center and have looked at natural pain relief methods (like laboring in water, massage, etc)! =]
Robin
I gave birth to my daughter at the end of August 2013 and I desperately wanted a natural, drugless, childbirth, too. My water ended up breaking and I didn’t dilate, so after 10 hours I went on Pitocin and then after another 7 I was suffering from back labor (waaaaay worse than the contractions for me), so I asked for some narcotics. Those were awful. I was hallucinating and losing track of things. After 3 hours, the drugs were wearing off and my midwife suggested that an epidural might let me relax and progress so I could at least not have a c-section. I signed the paperwork still hazy. That didn’t work, either. I’m bummed, but I’m glad to have my beautiful little girl.
I think if it hadn’t been for the limited time, I would have been fine. And next time, I hope to try again, while doing everything possible to minimize the possibility of back labor. However, if my labor DOESN’T go as planned, I will skip the narcotics and go for the epidural. The narcotics, whatever they were, were awful. And, if they can find baby’s heartbeat satisfactorily (this one kept moving), I plan to spend more time in the hot shower – best three hours of labor ever.
Bekah
I didn’t get much discouragement about wanting a natural birth, but there were a lot of experienced moms who just laughed that knowing laugh and said I’d be wanting an epidural. And sure, when I was actually in labor and experiencing the most intense pain of my entire life, there was definitely part of me that wanted an epidural! But I had chosen to give birth at a birth center where they don’t even do epidurals (if you don’t want an epidural, choosing to give birth somewhere that doesn’t offer them is very effective), so didn’t get one. And guess what? I had a natural birth! It was physically the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I did it!
Nikolia
Thank you for the encouragement! My sister sent me this post early this morning and it made me cry. Expecting a natural childbirth in Feb.
Christen
Stay strong Nikolia! I am the only mom to be that I know personally, that wants a natural childbirth. I’m having my first in January 🙂
Rebekah
I love it. Just had my first baby in March, and was second-guessing myself almost the whole way up until my water broke. Can I really do this? Am I strong enough? Won’t I regret being at a birth center without the option of an epidural? Yes, yes, and no! I am a wimpy wimp, very low pain tolerance, but I did it!!! God gives you such strength as you rely on Him. I am actually looking forward to doing it again. 🙂
Rebecca
I had both of my children naturally. There were people who thought I was crazy for wanting to go without an epidural, and there were certainly times during each labor that made me think maybe I needed it, but my husband was so supportive. He made the difference. He encouraged me to go on without it. Of course it’s painful, but knowing you’re doing what God intended, and knowing that your children haven’t been exposed to any unnecessary medications, makes it so worth it. Natural was very uncommon in the hospital I went to for both labors, but the nurses were all supportive and even impressed after delivery. They told me they weren’t used to women being able to stand up on their own after delivery because most of them are still numb afterwards. If you want to go natural, go for it! Show the nay-sayers what a strong woman you are!
Ariell
Congrats that’s how I felt after my first pain med free delivery! I was walking around after 🙂 I’m hoping I can do it for the second time around this September. Was your second birth harder or easier to go all natural?
Julie
I wanted a natural birth from the moment I knew I was pregnant. I wanted a water birth but money was too tight and we couldn’t afford to pay a midwife. So we began to go to a OBGYN recommended by a friend. I had a wonderful pregnancy, barely any weight gain and all well until the last month. My blood pressure was creeping up up up. So at 38 weeks and 6 days, I went in for my last Dr appointment to find my blood pressure was too high to go home. They sent me directly to the hospital. 3 hours later with blood pressure still up, they told me they needed to induce me. I balked. This wasn’t my plan. But after discussion with my doula friend and husband we decided for my health and the baby, we needed to do what they suggested. So, 7:30 pm I was given a pill to soften my cervix. At 11 pm my water broke. The nurse tried to pressure me into an epidural. My blood pressure sky rocketed and babies heartbeat dropped with each contraction. But I just felt the best thing was to go natural. So I said no to an epidural. They were talking about starting pitocin but my body prepared everything it’s self and my son was born at 1:28 am. 6 hours of labor, 2 of active labor and only a few pushes. He was born naturally and thank God all was well with him and I both. 5 and a half pounds, Born the 14th of november 2019. So thankful most of my birth plan worked out! You can do it mama! It’s tough for a while but totally worth not having the drugs and problems they bring!
KM Logan
Excellent post! I went into my first labor thinking, no epidural unless they need to give me pitocin. After being in labor for pretty much 2 days (much of it at home, but it was still INTENSE) I was ready to bring on the pitocin. It seemed logical and I don’t regret it. I also don’t regret getting the epidural either. I had a friend who was a first time mom who wanted to have a natural birth and I simply told her, keep your options open and be at peace with whatever happens. You can totally do it, but if for some reason it’s not in the cards you aren’t a failure as a mom. Unfortunately for her she wound up with the baby transverse and needed to have a c-section after her water broke. I hope she doesn’t feel guilty about it, because every birth is a miracle no matter what.
Heather
I love this so so much! I definitely heard all this leading up to my birth and felt so empowered when I actually had my baby naturally (I had an amazing support system if other women who had labored naturally.) I am now encouraging some friends who want to go natural and I absolutely love what you have to say!
melissa
I have four kiddos. all born without epidurals. I like feeling my legs and just didn’t want to not feel things. I had the mild take the edge off with my 3 boys which was just enough to get me through to active pushing. my daughter kid #2 was so ready to be here they didn’t even have the chance to run an IV. kiddo #4 came out sunny side up. now THAT hurt!!
make your plan, whatever it is, and stick to it. but remember, sometimes plans need to change. whatever happens, you are bringing life into the world and that rocks!!
Anna Y
I’m really enjoying these Dear Mom letters!
Let me tell you, natural childbirth is absolutely possible and 100% worth it! Don’t let anyone laugh at you or discourage you!
My husband and I decided to go with a midwife with our 1st child and boy did we get a lot of mean, scary comments. Being a 1st time mom, I was seriously scared & the people were not helping. Thankfully I had the support & encouragement of my husband and my sister. I think the people closest to us were sincerely worried for us because we were the 1st ones venturing out into this unknown “home/midwife” childbirth, so no one knew what to expect.
But let me tell you, we have now had 4 children in the same room of our house, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. The pain is definitely there, but it only lasts a little time, and then you have this amazing baby and you are totally “there” through the whole process and afterwards too. I say pray about it. And trust God. Being at home, no drugs were an option for me, thus, the thought about the epidermal never even crossed my mind. And no, I don’t labor & deliver within 2 hours.. Lol.. My labors last well into the 27 hours… But trust me and trust God. It is absolutely doable & 100% worth it!!!
Eva-Karin Cheng
I love this post! After having a bad experience with an epidural and choosing natural childbirth for my 2nd birth, I’m so glad I did!! The only thing about the post that I think could be offensive to some women (and maybe it was just a language thing), was when she said, “Come back tomorrow to read my letter to moms who didn’t have a natural childbirth. It will be a post filled with grace.” I feel like someone who wanted a natural birth but wasn’t able to have one (due to complications or just not being able to handle the pain), or someone who chose not to have an an epidural, might object to the word “grace.” The word itself implies that someone has done something wrong and therefore they need grace. It might have been better to say she would offer “encouragement.”
Mrs. Plank
I think that we ALL need grace. That is part of the plan. I think in birth as in all things in life, we are designed to humble ourselves in our relationship with God and to realize that we need grace all the time in all situations. I plan to humbly pray to God for grace and mercy during my natural birth coming up in February. I may NOT be strong enough, but He is and He will get me through it. I’m actually excited to see Him at work in the most beautiful experience he designed for us as women.
Claire @ Lemon Jelly Cake
My brother-in-law’s girlfriend told me I would be “BEGGING” for an epidural. I found that kind of funny (and irritating at the time) because she doesn’t have kids. 😉
What got me through? A wonderful doula. A birth at the birth center where getting an epidural wasn’t even an OPTION, so I couldn’t chicken out. Not having any insurance at the time, so knowing that we would pay a hefty out-of-pocket hospital bill if I wanted to transfer. Focusing on the fact that my mom gave birth to me (her second) naturally and had nothing but positive things to say about it. A strongly supportive husband. Praying and humming hymns through transition, haha. 😉
40 hours of natural labor was traumatizing in some ways, but here I am, hoping to do it again. No one is questioning me this time. 🙂
Dawn
I LOVE that more and more moms are choosing Natural Childbirth! It is very doable and worth it. Yes it can be painful but between focusing on getting that beautiful baby into the world and breathing you can do it! I chose natural for all 5 of my babies and remember everything. My last baby I was even telling the nurses when things would happen, water breaking, baby crowning, the works. Remember one big thing, while in labor be at a incline, don’t let them keep you flat on your back otherwise when a labor pain hits you won’t be able to breath properly and it makes the pain seem worse. As long as you breath and just focus you will have that beautiful baby in your arms before you know it! For all you mamas that chose natural child birth, I for one am so very proud of you!
Josie
What a great post! After planning for a natural birth, our first was a scheduled csection due to breech presentation. Number 2 was a c-section after 24 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing. But number 3 was a beautiful natural birth that I fought hard for. So first time mom who doesn’t end up the the natural birth you hoped for. . . there’s still hope for you!
Zandra
I have four beautiful children, all delivered without any drugs or epidural. The first I had in the hospital, with a doula. I encourage all moms to educate themselves with whatever type of birth and labor they plan to have. Take a class, read books. Education is empowerment. At the beginning of my pregnancy I was scared and thought it was obvious I would be getting an epidural. By the end of my pregnancy, I did a complete 180. I KNEW I was going in to have a natural birth experience, and I wasn’t scared in the least bit. But let me tell you…the drive to the hospital was torture! And after birth, the staff hardly lets you rest – poking and prodding and turning on lights and doing this test and that test. It was a quick and easy decision to have a home-birth for our other three children. Everything about it was beautiful and relaxing. I wish everyone could have a fabulous birth experience!
Lauryn
This is a great post! I was very indifferent about using drugs during labor. I didn’t have a birth plan, didn’t know what I wanted, and went into it thinking I would most likely get an epidural but figured I’d wait in see. That was probably my only pregnancy regret. Looking back, I wish I had done more research and planned a little more. While I’m not upset that I got an epidural, I ended up getting it very early on, which was a big mistake and pretty much stopped my labor. The nurse said, “hey if your planning to get the epidural, there’s no sense in waiting.” I had to be pumped with pitocin and the whole thing just felt very unnatural. I wish I had waited it out longer and let my body do it’s thing at least until the end. For my next child I’m going to know when I want going in.
Erin O.
I’ve had all four of mine totally natural (and one was over 10lbs). You can do it!
Amber
Thank you for this post! I am not pregnant yet, but my husband and I plan on starting to try sometime next summer once I graduate with my B.S degree. For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a mother and since I got married in 2010 I feel like it is all I think about! So of course, I have done a bit of research and try to ‘prepare’ myself. I really want to do it naturally & drug-free and every single person I have talked to about it has told me I am crazy. This post is very encouraging and a good reminder that it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks or chooses to do. In the words of my sister, “you know what is best for yourself and your baby!”
Sarah
Your sister is a wise woman 😉
Wendy @ New Moms Talk
While meds affect some things, they don’t affect everything. (All exceptions noted and understood; all “each experiences realized.)
Case in point, I wanted a med-free birth for our daughter, but it didn’t happen. They had pitocin up to 20 (way beyond the normal max) and I chose to block out the pain. My pain level was 0-1 the entire time.
Eventually a C-section was needed. Had we not had one, we might not have had a living, healthy daughter which was our goal. Ultimately our goal dictated our birth. Med or med-free was a side note to our daughter’s birth.
Oh, and post C-section, she was lively (I remember that first cry!), alert, and latched on to feed once they let me have her. (I,however, was tired after 48 hours of no sleep and tons of meds to get me to an a-okay level for the surgery.)
Bethany
I was one of those people that was determined to have a vaginal, unmedicated childbirth (I prefer describing it this way as opposed to the phrase, “natural” – it subtly implies that all other births are “unnatural”). I had a wonderful team of midwives and I planned to deliver at a birthing center.
Unfortunately, throughout my pregnancy, I became more and more judgmental toward women who planned to have their babies with an epidural. In a hospital. Or those who planned C-sections. And then I was smacked in the face with a an incredibly humbling Plan B. At 38 weeks, I started bleeding vaginally. My midwife sent me to the hospital and I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and blood pressure over 200. I had an immediate C-section. After the C-section, the doctors shared with me that my placenta had begun detaching from the uterus, and that it was probably related to the pre-eclampsia.
My beautiful son was born healthy with no complications, thank goodness. I now have a very different perspective on all things parenting, including birth. Although I am still an advocate for unmedicated birth and a woman’s right to be educated on her options, I no longer make assumptions or conclusions about how a woman chooses to give birth. My opinion doesn’t matter. Period.
In a way, I’m grateful that my plan didn’t work out. As a result, I hope I’m a better friend and advocate to other women out there in the journey of being a mama. As someone mentioned earlier, our lives and relationships with our children are so much more than how they entered our world. One of my midwives gently tried to remind me of this during my pregnancy. I get it now.
Mandi
You might appreciate this. Similar sentiments. http://thebirthblog.wordpress.com/2013/10/03/dr-doula/
Patti
My first was drug free until I started retching. Some phenergan and a little Demoral later and I was pushing. We had discussed beforehand what the differing side effects of available narcotics were. The hospital I birthed at was very “natural” and the nurses had lots of tricks up their sleeves to augment labor and relieve pain. The next two were drug free also. The fourth included a bit of nubain as the nurses tried to track down the Dr whole they wanted to keep me from pushing. It had the opposite effect and I delivered the baby without a doctor present. Different hospital from previuos three. The fifth was induced and I begged for the epidural. God bless any woman who could withstand the pain of pitocin being turned up by an overzealous nurse. I sure couldn’t.
Kathryn
I wanted a natural childbirth, and praise God I had the closest thing possible–despite a cluster of serious complications at 38 weeks. I had an awesome doula and doctor who understood that, even with most complications, a natural birth is safest for mom and baby. They understood the intervention cascade and knew what danger signs truly warranted a change of course. My doctor even pulled a pushy nurse into the hall and told her to get with the program or ask to be assigned to another patient. The only meds I had were absolutely necessary: Strep B antibiotics (not prophylactic–I tested positive) and an anti-seizure drug for my preeclampsia. And my doctor had the sense to stipulate only ibuprofen, no narcotics, post-birth, to give me the best chance at breastfeeding success. We live in a culture where it’s possible to have a natural birth, but you have to be prepared to fight for it, and collect a team that will fight with you.
Bonnie
Love this! We just had our first recently and I was blessed to have a natural hospital birth. No regrets. It was amazing! I never wavered in what I wanted to do, but some comments made to me about my decisions were very discouraging. Thanks for being loving and caring to first time moms! I look forward to now reading your next post as I know that people who choose or need interventions can also get very rude and judgmental comments. 🙁
Rachel
I am SO glad I came across this encouraging post. I am due in December and really want a natural birth. I am very fortunate that my husband supports me but he is the only one!! Even my mom has been very discouraging. I have not told a lot of people because any time I do, I am shot down with negative comments. So glad to know I am not alone 🙂
Alyssa Marie Thys
Thank you so much for the encouragement. Kid’s aren’t in our immediate future but I definitely want a natural birth. We already handle our health holistically and get a lot of shock and criticism from that!
Christina
A good coach. So important especially with the first natural labor and delivery. Someone who can look you in the eye and tell you you are doing great when you feel like giving up. By the time I had number three I didn’t even need a coach, just someone to catch 🙂 natural birth is amazing! Go for it!
Heather Siems
With my first little man I went with no pain meds and was induced. This is when I discovered how much I tense up during pain. I tore a great deal and had other complications because of the tearing. That is why I choose an epidural for my second. I didn’t have narcotics at all though. The advice I give to my friends having babies is to do what works best for you. Don’t let anyone force you into an epidural and don’t let anyone shame you for having one.
Pat Roderique
Hi! My name is Pat and I’m an RN. Have been for 25 years now. I’ve done everything (almost) that a nurse can do. I’d never heard of a Doula until I started prepping. You girls make me feel SO old! I had my first daughter in 1975. I had labor all night, very light, and went into the hospital to be checked because the cramps (not yet contractions) were close together and erratic, and it was my first. Well, I was only dilated to 2cm. But they thought my labor was active and I was several days past my due date so they kept me. Told my hubby and in-laws to go on home and get some rest, I had HOURS to go. So I dozed and was bored til about 10am. Then one of the nurses asked one of the docs if she should break my water to get me started. He said sure, why not? Why not?? About 10 minutes after she broke my water I had my first contraction and it was a doozy. I said I wanted to push. The nurses were coaching me on breathing thru the contraction and the doc said they should check me just because I was insistant that I had to push. I was fully dilated and effaced. I had a total of three contractions and that was it. I will point out that I was 18 and in fantastic shape. My second came two years, one month and 12 hours later. That labor was longer, we’d had a freak spring snow storm, Ray was working evenings, I had the first cramp right after he left for work and lay with my feet elevated for several hours until my father-in-law got home from work (he had a 4-wheel drive pickup) and he took me to the hospital. My mother had our eldest daughter. I lay there until the same nurse broke my water and my labor accelerated again. The doc was nowhere to be found and they slapped a gas-mask on me but I heard the nurse snap at the anesthesiologist that he should come take the baby since she wasn’t sterile. The third (unplanned) didn’t come for another eight years. By this time I had educated myself and was older (28) and more assertive. NO epidural, the doc and nurse fully informed of my prior deliveries. This one was the longest but went by the numbers. The labor was about three hours and my water broke and she followed it. Fantastic!! Now, I know I had incredibly easy pregnancies and labors. I could have had a baby every ten months all my life and it wouldn’t have bothered me. All three of my daughters had problems and epidurals that didn’t work properly or what-not. So. Keep your options open. Be aware that the nurse and/or doc will change the plans in whatever way they can to make you happy. Almost all hospitals have water birth options now, even the rural ones. And almost all have midwives available. Almost makes me wish…. NO! Being Grandma is better. Just know this: Every birth is different. Every mother is different. If you want an epidural, then that’s right. If you don’t want one, that’s right too. This is one of the most wonderful, awe-inspiring, personal moments of your life. Think about what you want, why you want it that way, discuss it with your husband/significant other and your doc/midwife/doula whatever and whoever. Make sure you let them know. Then, if something happens to change, they can try to shape it to make it as close to what you want without risking anything. They know the medical, YOU know the emotional and personal. They can be melded together to create an experience you’ll treasure. Best wishes!
Teresa Cedergren
I have 3 beautiful daughters and had different experiences with all three. My oldest is adopted and we arrived at the hospital a few hours after she was born. I didn’t get to witness the birth (labor came earlier than expected and we were not in town), but would never trade the experience for anything. My second was born via an induced labor (we had medical problems that wouldn’t allow us to go past our due date). Even with the Pitocin, our doctor had to go in and “manually” break my water after labor stopped progressing. It took a few hours after that before I was ready to push, but it only took a little over 90 minutes of active labor before she was born. I had an epidural with her. My third was suppose to be induced, but when we got to the hospital, the nurse did all of her normal vital checks and then checked just to be sure. I was already in the beginning stages of labor, so they didn’t induce. Maybe a half hour went by, and I started to have a lot of contractions really close together, so they called for the doctor (this was a Sunday and he was on call). The doctor ordered an epidural and told the nurse he was on his way in. The doctor barely made it in time, and the epidural guy walked in as they were putting my daughter in my arms. Once it started, I only needed to push 3 times (and she is still full speed ahead almost 4 years later). Each birth was completely different, but none of the differences mattered in the end. None of the careful planning really worked out, but I have never regretted one moment of any of their births. Sometimes things work out the way you want, and sometimes they don’t, but the end result is you get to hold the most precious little miracle in your arms. Make your plans for your birthing experience the way you want them because no one is going to really experience the birth of your child but you and your little one. Everyone else just gets to come along for the ride. Don’t just dismiss the experiences of your friends, but listen to their stories. If you have never given birth before, those veteran moms could give insight that no birthing class ever will, but your experience will be your own and no matter what happens during the birth, I can guarantee that it will be the most magical moments of your life.
Lisa
Just wanted to give you some encouragement! I don’t know what I would have done in a hospital, but I was in a birth center, so drugs for pain were not an option. I yelled myself hoarse the first time, but at the end, I knew I could do it again. I did, twice more, and am thinking about a 4th, but the other two times were much easier. The pain wasn’t really worse, but I learned to handle it better. I learned to work with it instead of against it. I would encourage you to learn about how to not fight the contractions. It sounds crazy, but if you don’t tense up between your diaphragm and your knees, it will be so much easier and overall less painful. I didn’t yell at all with my second and third. The pain was probably just as bad, but I wasn’t fighting it, so it didn’t seem as bad. And both were faster than the first, for sure.
You can do this!
Jess
You have many options. Choose what is best for you and have a back-up plan. There are a number of ladies that had birthing experiences that did not go as according to plan. Both of my birthing experiences were completely different and required medical intervention (for safety reasons). After 24 hours of labor I had a c-section with my first. I opted for a VBAC for the second and was laughed at by many, because I have large babies (9-10 lbs) and “I would be crazy for delivery that.” I had my 2nd ceasarian scheduled, but two days before the date I went into labor and had my VBAC (9 lb 3 oz baby boy) with no complications. At the end of the whole experience the most important thing is that there is a healthy mother and baby.
Besides you better get use to people giving you their opinions about what you should do. For some reason when you have a child people feel it is okay to give you all sorts of unsolicited advice and it doesn’t stop at pregnancy.
M
I so wish we could do away with this sort of thing. Having a baby is amazing. It doesn’t matter how baby gets here. It doesn’t matter if baby is adopted. Children are a blessing no matter how they arrive. Have a plan for childbirth. Read. Ask trusted friends. Have loving support at the hospital. Most importantly, know that there isn’t a “right way” or a “wrong way” to have a baby. Know that if you are honest with yourself, really, you are not in control. You can have an uncomplicated labor and a perfectly healthy baby. You have have an emergency C-section and have to spend time in the picu. It doesn’t matter. You don’t get to choose. Make plans but be FLEXIBLE. Do not base your labor plans on the horror stories or picture perfect labor stories of your friends. They are their stories. The only person that can make a decision about what is best for you or baby is you. Sometimes that means you cannot stick to the original plan. That is ok. Really. The best advise I ever got was to know what I wanted but to be FLEXIBLE. There is nothing wrong with natural childbirth. It can be amazing and wonderful and blessed. Similarly, having a c section, having an epidural, taking a narcotic during labor can also be amazing and blessed and wonderful.
Stefanie
Thank you! I do not like these ” you have to have a natural birth to be a good mom” posts. Sometimes there are situations that are out of our hands and no woman should feel like a failure because she needed a c-section or an epidural. What’s more important, bragging about a natural birth or doing what is needed to keep mom and baby safe!
Stefanie
I am 11 weeks pregnant and I would love to have a “natural” labor, but I am also a realist. I have seen friends go into the hospital planning to as well, and they asked for an epidural. And later, other moms told them that was the wrong choice. Who are they to judge! I believe it is a choice between the mom and her doctor. And if I need an epidural or a c-section for some unforeseen complication, I will not feel bad and I will tell anyone off who tries to make me feel bad about it.
Alicia B.
YES!! I have had many conversations with people that have told me I would want the drugs. I look at them and tell them I have been preparing for it to make it as easy on myself as possible. And because my filter is gone while pregnant, I also told them that just because they couldn’t do it doesn’t mean I can’t! That tends to shut them up about it and they don’t bring it up again.
Thank you for this post. It is nice to read uplifting things when it comes to giving birth. I am having my first this Nov, if we make it to Nov, after having 3 miscarriages. I have savored every moment of this pregnancy, good and bad, and plan to savor every last painful minute of labor and birth. I guess some people don’t understand, but that is their loss.
bethany
I had my baby 8 weeks ago, and I had a planned, all natural childbirth. We had no or minimal support from friends and family, so I stopped talking to them about it. No one understood why on earth we would want a natural, unmedicated childbirth! My husband and I were in it together. We read through Natural Childbirth The Bradley Way, and practiced the exercises and I read lots of blogs and websites for what to expect. We asked a friend of ours who was a labor and delivery nurse (and who is an advocate for natural living) to be with us during the birth since both of our families are in other states. In the weeks before I prepared by eating tons of pineapple and drinking red raspberry leaf tea. I had very mild labor for about 20 hours. It wasn’t until I was 9cm dilated that I understood why women medicate for labor. My baby was born wide and bright-eyed, fully alert and nursed successfully right away! I wouldn’t want it any other way! Natural is the way to go!
Noelle
Beautifully written. 14 years ago I had my first. I wasn’t sure what to expect, I was living in Texas and had people around me laughing at me when I said I wanted to feel what a contraction felt like. Looking back I was set up for a perfect medicated storm. Induced, had my water broken, contractions came on super strong, had an epidural. Had a healthy baby girl but was left shaking so badly I was scared to hold her. The nursery gave her a formula bottle without me knowing, I cried as she wouldn’t latch on to me. My then mother in law actually said at one point, “I guess she doesn’t like your milk”. She was trying to be funny but it stung. I pumped every bottle for 10 long weeks until I gave up.
Fast forward 10 years. New marriage and 10 years of wishing for a chance to do it all different. Worked on the bradley method (didn’t take classes but got the book and worked through it together). I really wanted to do a home birth but I chickened out. After numerous tries I found a doctor that we adored and who would do a water birth at a local hospital. We hired a doula to help us stay focused on the natural plan. We wrote out our birth plan and were ready to go. At 38 weeks, it was night time and my water broke. The contractions started and basically didn’t stop. I alternated from the bed to the tub. It was a blur but thankfully we’d planned on the natural so my husband helped me keep breathing. We called the doula and then called again 30 minutes later to tell her she needed to get to the house asap. I was laying on the bed doing my slow deep moaning breathing thing. And I told her I needed to have a b.m. Suddenly my body heaved (picture throwing up but out the other end) suddenly the babies head popped out. Then 1 more heave a bit later and the rest of his body came out. My doula sucked the liquid from his mouth. We were all in shock. My water had only broken 80 minutes prior. His face was bruised from the quick delivery but everything was fine. Thank goodness. I laugh now because i got the water labor and home birth I’d wanted but was scared to follow through with. And most importantly the natural part. It’s amazing how things happen, my son is now 4 and life couldn’t be better. Thankfully our doula was in training to be a mid-wife so she had some idea of what to do. We called 911 anyway just because of the bruising on his face just to make sure everything was fine, it all was. I couldn’t recommend preparing by learning the breathing more. It saved my sanity in that quick labor, kept me from panic when clearly we weren’t thinking clearly. 🙂
Erin
WHAT A BIRTH STORY! That is funny, ironic and amazing all at the same time!! Glad you got that birth you wanted! Thanks for sharing!
Amber
Thank you thank you! I will be saving this and returning to it throughout my pregnancy as I hear all the naysayers
Heather
THANK YOU for speaking such truth!! I’m delivering my first baby this fall, and I needed to hear this! I fired my first doctor because he said I may change my mind during delivery, and that I’d still have to deliver the placenta after Baby Boy. You should have seen my midwive’s faces when I told them that story. HA! I KNOW I can do it naturally, and I’m going to, even if I pass out from the pain. 😉 Thank you for your encouragement!!
Crystal
I gave birth to my first daughter Dec 2013 via natural childbirth. I started with the general intention of a natural birth but also had an open mind. I never had a baby before, so I gave myself the option to decide what was best for me at the time. I had an excellent experience with an active and progressive labor. I felt my first contraction around 8:30 pm. Checked in the hospital at 11 pm and was 8 cm by 2 am. And delivered a healthy baby girl at 5:10 am.
Don’t compare! Everyone’s body is different. Labor is different. Pain tolerance is different. Do what is best for you and surround yourself with people that support that plan!
Erin
Thank you for sharing your experience!
Kristin
Thank you very much for posting this. I am due at the end of December, and, while my mom and sister have been supportive of me having a natural birth, very few other people have.
My sister gave me a book on the Bradley method and I am going through it and am hoping to be ready by the time I give birth.
Erin
Congrats!!!
Valerie
I love all the stories. Also, thank you for this post! I am done having children, but I always feel badly for women who are discouraged from having natural childbirth. Not everyone wants that, but women who do should be supported and encouraged, especially by people close to them and definitely by their health care professionals! You can do it! I am a super – wimp and I did it five times! Ladies, please encourage one another!
Lisiane
I’m in Germany and around here, most women go natural. I wanted the option of epidural in case it was too bad to handle but knowing that most women don’t take it, I didn’t want to be “the weak one”! I’m glad I went natural (though I was given a couple of pills to take the edge off, but no hallucinations or anything) and though it was horribly painful, I’m glad they let me scream it out to relieve the tension and pain. God was so amazing and He answered every wish I had: labour probably started in the evening but so unnoticeably I just went to bed and slept right through the first half of it. When I woke um at 1am to go to the bathroom, I noticed it was already every 5min but the pain wasn’t worse than menstrual pain. At about 2am it started getting quite painful and I woke my husband to ask him to pray along with me. At 4:30am we went to the hospital and 4 hours later the baby was there. I had asked God to make the labour only 6h and it took 7h. I asked to be in the delivery room only 4h or 6h at most, and it was only 4h. I asked that I would have no tear and I had no tear – even the nurses were amazed. The night before, we had been at a church service and sang “there will be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning.” I stood on that verse and told my husband repeatedly during labour: “This baby WILL be here before 12am because then it’s not morning anymore!” During the weeks before giving birth, I made a list with everything I wished for the labour and the birth etc and I read it and proclaimed it often. I’m so pain sensitive my gynaecologist said I’d better ask for a c-section!! I refused in Jesus’ name and He has been more than faithful.
So, long story but I hope this will encourage some mama to hold on to her wishes, pray, proclaim and believe. It shall be done unto you accordingly. Be encouraged!
Victoria
I’m a new first time mom and I gave birth at home, without drugs. It happened for the most part the way I wanted and I’m so thankful for that. I too was told I couldn’t do it, let alone do it at home…maybe it was my “don’t tell me what I can and can’t do” attitude, but I decided at the moment to surround myself with people, books (Ina May’s books are great!), positive affirmations, etc. I knew thing could happen that might prevent me from giving birth at home, naturally, and I was okay with that as long as I knew I did everything I could to prevent it (I literally was 15 days late). So for all you first time moms out there who are scared, or are being told you can’t…You Can…birth is beautiful, and natural and one of the most scary, life changing events of your life! Enjoy it as much as possible!
Lin
I haven’t been able to write about my birth story and maybe I’m one of those naive moms who thinks that because I managed to give birth naturally and 100% unmedicated without screaming my head off (there was some seriously heavy breathing and panting though) that every healthy mom with her healthy baby should be able and should want to.
I’m one of those woman who dreaded the pain of pregnancy and labour and I had a tough pregnancy with pre-existing injuries and ailments so I really did not enjoy being pregnant, but I was determined to give birth naturally and with absolutely no pain meds. I had four Penado tablets when my contractions started just so I could get some sleep. But that doesn’t count does it?
I’ll try to make this as short as possible. My baby boy was 1week and 3 days past his due date and I started to panic because my doctors kept telling me my baby is so big that this could end up a c-sections. (I had 2 OBGYN’s, 1 in the town where I lived and 1 in my mom’s town where we decided to do a water birth). I didn’t want a c-sections for various reasons. My contractions started in the evening 1week and 2 days past my due date. I called my midwife and she told me to take a few penado tablets and get some sleep. When I woke up the contractions were gone and I was deviated and worried that there is something wrong. I immediately went to see my midwife. We had a big fight after I told her I want to go to another OBGYN for an induction and she told me to cry already and stop stressing. That actually helped. She knew an induction would mean complications. So I cried the whole 30min drive home and decided to take a nap and cried myself to sleep. As my eyes finally shut my water broke. And it gushed all over the place like Niagra falls. 20min later my contractions started again and the were 4min apart almost 1min long and I hear my mom yelling “that’s when you’re supposed to be at the hospital already!”. But I stayed calm and waited for my douala to arrive at the house. She kept me calm through the contractions and arranged for the water birthing unit to be made ready. 3.5hours later we left for the hospital and as I walked in my birthing suite my midwife closed the tap, I got in and started pushing. 1.5hours later my baby boy was born. I had completely forgotten to even ask for pain meds up until about 9cm dialated. It was too late for that anyway. Now that I read my story it sounds like it was easy but it wasn’t. I felt like I was hit by a freight train. With my labour progressing so quickly I didn’t have time to think, I couldn’t speak. I was completely overcome by fear, there as even a moment before my baby’s head was out that I thought I fell asleep between contractions and couldn’t push anymore, I was afraid they might not be able to wake me and have to rush to the ER for an emergency c-section. Luckily that did not happen. My baby was 100% healthy and so was I and we went home 2hours later and slept in our own beds.
What I want to say is, to the moms who want to have a natural unmedicated birth. You have to get your mind ready for it. And you have to trust your instincts. There is no turning back when you’re 9cm and about to pass out from pain. But it was all worth it and I would do it again.
Mae
This really encouraged me this morning. I am 9 days overdue at this point, with our first baby. Some family and friends have been so supportive (wow, so thankful for them), but a few family members continue to call and text, saying that our birthing center birth will be “brutal” and “torturous” and that I “will not be able to do it.” I am not trying to prove anything to anyone. This is simply the decision God led us to after much prayer time together. So we will trust in Him, and I will continue asking Him to guard my sensitive heart from the negativity we are experiencing. It is hard!
rahulhealtheoz
it’s very helpful. pretty accurate week by week its spot on with my symptoms, how I’m feeling and gives me articles relating to my symptoms/experience. they update it daily. and I love it