This post was originally published December 12, 2011. Today marks 14 years–14 years–since my dear childhood friend left this earth and made her new home in Heaven. Not a day goes by that I do not think of Courtney Brooke.
As I pen these words in front of our Christmas tree, one single squared ornament catches my eye. Oh, it doesn’t glimmer. And it doesn’t glisten. But it still shines and speaks to the beauty of friendship. Two little girls…forever friends. Forever, yet, for 12 Christmases now, she has been forever away, having entered the other side of eternity 12 years ago on Friday.
And my mind’s eye jumps to childhood sleepovers, giggles and pranks. Children’s camp and mission trips together. The year I spent the summer away… “Erin,” she wrote. “God really showed up. He was here. He has great plans for us.” And a year and a half later–she was gone. But great plans, yes–great, great plans HE did have. (Just not the ones we would have picked ourselves.) My mind’s eye jumps to that fateful day…when all her days ordained ended in one swoop swerve of the Jimmy. They never caught him–he who cut her off and kept on going.
Image by central
The tears, the screams, the falling to my knees–when the phone call came. The disbelief…the questioning…of God. He, who I had known since age 9. Where.was.He.now? I couldn’t feel Him. Emptiness invaded like a cancer. And wrapped up in my yellow bathrobe, I crumbled to my freshman dorm room floor and wept. Why God, why? She, whose toenails already painted red. So ready to celebrate…so full of LIFE. Oh, God–Why?
Image by MEJones
In the nights of languished tears, looking out the window at college coeds holding hands and dorm girls giggling and wondering: How in the world can this world go on when my dear 17-year-old childhood friend has left it? How? And how can I go on, too? And HE took me to I Peter. Through grief and all kinds of trials, my faith would be made real. Real. Real faith. It’s easy to say we have faith when everything is going great, I learned. But this–this–is when faith is made REAL.
Image by lusi
And oh how life has changed since then. A college degree, a year overseas, several years in different states, a marriage, 3 jobs, 2 babies. Yes, the 19-year-old girl in me started growing up–that day. And sometimes on the “hard” days–when my girls scream and fuss and whine and wrap themselves around my feet…when I want to scream and fuss and whine right back. I think of Courtney Brooke. How I would have loved for her to meet my kids. For us to have playdates…together. Then I think to the mystery of Isaiah 57:1: “The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.” And today, and EVERY day, she CELEBRATES. She celebrates Jesus’ birth every.single.day face-to-face with Him.
Emily @ Live Renewed
Thanks for sharing Erin! I have tears running down my face because this is so true, and yet so hard: “Through grief and all kinds of trials, my faith would be made real. Real. Real faith. It’s easy to say we have faith when everything is going great, I learned. But this–this–is when faith is made REAL.”
God is teaching me this is so many ways over the past year and a half since my dad died. It is SO hard to go through the Christmas season without him, and I long for the day when Jesus will return and wipe every tear from our eyes – Revelation 21:4
Bevin
Oh, Erin. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my dad seven years ago and I miss him terribly. I think of him everyday and even though time as passed, it still seems like yesterday that I got the phone call giving me the devastating news.
I am so grateful that this life is not the end for those of us that are believers, and I will see my dad again.
Erin
Oh Bevin, I didn’t know about the loss of your father. For months (or maybe years?) I flinched at the unexpected phone call. Much love to you, girl. Praying for you.
Rebekah from Simply Rebekah
Children are not suppose to die – babies, teenagers… it doesn’t matter. It hurts in the worst way possible. I am so sorry for your loss. Time doesn’t make that pain go away. It just makes it easier to live with. *hugs*
Erin
Thank you, Rebekah!
JC Morrows
I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award!
CONGRATULATIONS! GREAT BLOG!
You can read more about this in the post below:
http://jcsbookshelf.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/bonus-post-my-first-blog-award-the-versatile-blog-award
God Bless You!
Erin
Thank you!
Tracey
WOW! Thank you so much for posting this. GOD does as GOD wills and “when all her days ordained ended”, she went to her Heavenly Father and she rejoiced! It wasn’t the consolation prize…it was THE Prize.
We who are left, grieve those who have left, and we struggle with the whys and wherefores, but I love the scripture you posted, Isaiah 57, ““The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil”. The righteous are spared from evil!
I too long for that day when GOD will wipe away every tear from our eyes and we will be reunited with those who have gone on before. I’m sharing this post with several friends who are also grieving the departure of a loved one.
Erin
So true–our loss is their gain!
Wendy T
Such crazy timing. Not really. I’m being facetious.
It’s now 6:59 in my time zone. At 6:48, my heart hurt. It was 21 years ago tonight (at 6:48) that I gave birth to my first child. My daughter – Olivia Grace.
It was 11 years and 49 weeks later that she’d leave this earth. The cancer in her brain killed her.
I’m taking this birthday harder than some others for whatever reason (don’t misunderstand – as I”m sure you know. They are all hard. Some are just really, really hard.)
To Olivia Grace Thompson and to Courtney Brooke – and all those who love them. Love never dies.
Erin
Oh Wendy…I just weeped over your comment. I am so, so, so sorry. I am praying for you tonight. Your sweet Olivia Grace and Courtney Brooke will never be forgotten.
Megan at SortaCrunchy
My heart hurts alongside you, friend. This is so powerful. I’m glad you re-published. XOXO
Erin
<3 I know you understand.
link
That’s a smart way of looking at the world.
Susan
I too have loved ones celebrating in heaven. My mother, who I lost 15 years ago, and now as of September 30, of this year my mother-in-law and friend has joined her. We cry for us, not them. It is good for us to cry and remember. It will always be a little difficult. I pray for your comfort!
Erin
I pray for your comfort as well!!
Liz
Today is one year since my mother, Barbara Ann Provencher, went to heaven. Christmas was here favorite time of year. It is sad she left so close to Christmas but what fun she must be having celebrating Christmas with Jesus.
Erin
I am so sorry for your loss, Liz. I will pray for you right now. It has always helped me to know that when I am worshipping that, in that moment, my friend and I are both doing the exact same thing at the exact same time–worshipping Jesus together.
raisingcropsandbabies
Your post brought me to tears. This year one of my dearest friends will have to get through Christmas without her toddler… a darling smiley-eyed girl who passed suddenly and unexpectedly. Our girls, so close in age, were supposed to grow up being best of friends…
Erin
Oh this hurts my heart to hear it! Losing my friend has definitely made me squeeze my babies tighter. I will pray for your friend right now.
Sue Miller
I totally understand how it feels to lose a child. My husband and I lost our only son when he was 27 years old. He lost his life the first night on the job as I a police officer. Our son was not married so we don’t have any grandchildren. Everyday is hard but when the holidays come around it is very, very hard. We find ourself quoting this special verse, ” I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” We pray for you and everyone who has gone through the death of child or love one. God Bless!!!
Erin
I am so, so sorry for your loss, Sue! May you experience the Lord’s peace that passes all understanding this Christmas!