Veteran Moms, We Need You…

It's so important for older, "veteran" moms to help younger moms! We need you to remember what it was like to parent little ones!

Veteran moms, we need you. We need you to remember.

We need you to remember the diaper changes. The meltdowns. The late nights and early mornings.

We need you to remember that, during the little years, going to the bathroom alone–or even taking a shower–is a treat.

We need you to remember the time it takes to not only get yourself dressed and ready but the challenge of throwing on clothing, tossing up hair, slapping on some make-up all while wrangling a baby hanging on your hip, a toddler wrapped around your leg and a preschooler screaming “Mommy!” at the top of her lungs.

And then–we need you to remember that Mama also must dress that baby and toddler and preschooler.

How sometimes while wiping clean the toddler’s pancake-crumbed, syrup-smeared face, evidence of breakfast will etch itself on her clothing, and she will have to decide whether to go to town with a stained shirt or take a few more minutes to change her clothes…again.

How sometimes the baby’s diaper will explode and leak at the very moment she turns the key to lock up the door.

6 humbling homemaker weaknesses

How, for little girls, Mama must match hairbows or headbands–or at least run a brush in an attempt to tame their tangled mops.

For the mama who arrives at Bible study or preschool drop-off on time?

She deserves a medal.

Instead of giving condescending stares when our children climb out of the carts, scream and throw food in the grocery store, we need you to empathize. We need you to say: “I remember.”

And we need you to help. Yes, we know you’ve “been there and done that” and have moved on with your lives.

We know that you may have not had any help at all.

But if you’re able, why not minister to a young mom who’s struggling?

We need you to be like my mother: Who, when I was nine months pregnant, stopped by the house with a rotisserie chicken and corn on the cob for supper. Who will drop off gluten-free groceries–just because. Who will watch the girls so I can go to my annual OBGYN appointment…without worrying about six little eyes getting scarred.

My mom holding her 7th grandchild--15 years post-cancer diagnosis

My mom holding her 7th grandchild–15 years post-cancer diagnosis

We need you. We need you to come alongside us–to encourage us, to mentor us, to say: “Let me lend you a hand, give you a break … because I remember.”

We need you, older women, to raise up and be like the women the Bible describes in Titus 2. We need you to “teach us how to honor God” with our lives.

And we need you to know: The pressures that today’s moms face are different, greater perhaps than what moms in the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and even 90’s experienced.

For those of us who choose to stay at home, it’s a battle. It’s not expected. Our society has made it nearly impossible for a family to survive on one income.

And so most stay-at-home moms not only juggle the basic duties of homemaking and motherhood (which are more than a full-time job in and of themselves), but we also take on other jobs to help make ends meet.

We sell products–like 31 Gifts, makeup, oils or our homemade wares. We tutor. We babysit other people’s children. We teach music, Spanish or art. In my case, we write.


No, it’s not the same.

We need your help. We need your wisdom.

We need you to speak truth into our lives. To breathe into us encouragement.

We need you to tell us that sometimes we’ll feel like we’re going crazy, but these little years are fleeting, and we will make it through.

We need you to tell us to savor these years. But we need you to acknowledge that they are not easy.

We need you to remember.

Do you have any veteran moms in your life who help you in this journey of motherhood? Or, are you a veteran mom who can help encourage new moms?


I wrote the first version of this post for the Mooresville Weekly newspaper.

Top image by LilGoldWmn

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  1. says

    Beautifully written! And it is so true! We need to come alongside and encourage, not tear down or judge. Being a momma is the toughest job on the planet, without throwing all the other stuff in too! Mom’s should unite! <3!
    Suzanne recently posted..Helping Hands FridayMy Profile

  2. says

    Oh this was so good! Right now I do not have an older woman speaking into my life, my mom lives several hours away, and it’s so hard. We have 5 little ones, and it can feel terribly lonely sometimes. I often think to myself that when my kids are grown, I want to be a Titus 2 woman to the younger women(especially to my daughters and hopefully daughters in law!) Thanks for sharing this!
    Jessica@ramblingsofamommy recently posted..Freezer Cooking Extrazaganza!My Profile

    • says

      I pray the Lord brings you someone to speak into your life, Jessica! I feel the same about wanting to remember the challenges now–so God can use me to be a mentor for other young moms in the future! I want to remember!

  3. Alexandra says

    Such an incredible post Erin! I always love reading what is on your heart (and that you choose to share it with the rest of us).

    We need this from older wives too! I’m expecting in September so I’ll have to start looking for a mom mentor. But when I first got married having a “real-live” wife mentor would have been wonderful. I read as many blogs as I could find but there is somethigng special about meeting in person.

  4. Tammy Kirsch says

    I am a veteran mom of babies….my kids are in the teenaged years. When I see a young mom struggling I try to smile and say, “these are the best days of your life!! You just won’t know it until too late. What seems to you an endless list of things to do, things to clean, things to wipe up and wipe up only to have trashed again in a minute… these my friends are the most precious days of your lives….”

  5. Debbie Taylor says

    Beautifully written. I would give anything to have that time when my children were young back again, knowing what I know now. It is such a blessing to have children, and they grow up so fast. My advice as a mom and grandma is to cherish every moment, sometimes when those days seem like they will never end with all the responsibility, frustrations, exhaustion, etc etc. will be gone in a fraction of a moment. You will be looking in the mirror and looking at those grown children with children of their own and saying to yourself what happened while I was so busy, where did all the years go!

  6. Janet says

    This is one of the most touching posts I have read in a very long time. As a ‘veteran” I will step out there with a kind word of encouragement, a sincere compliment and/or a helping hand where I am able. There are multitudes of women who hunger for the familiar and compassionate soul of a woman who has ‘been there’. Thank you dear heart. Thank you.

  7. Misty says

    I am a mama of three boys ages 4, 2, and 5mths. This reminds me of last months trip to Costco. I was stocking up on EVERYTHING and as I was cashing out the women in the lane next to me came over. She said asked how old the boys were and told me the ages of her own 6 children. She then told me how she saw me with my boys and that I was doing a good job with them. That she knew how hard it was and to just keep going. Her words of encouragement meant more to me than she’ll ever know. Yes, we do need veteran moms!

  8. Vickie OBrien says

    I am reluctant to offer advise to mothers or even commiserate about the stage they are going through. It seems sometimes they think you are meddling or saying that they are not good mothers. I had. To tell my DIL that when I said anything it was just me remembering this or that and how I handled it . Not ever a reflection of her parenting style. In fact I told her that she and my son are much better parents than I could ever hope to be. I did not handle stress well in my younger days and they are definitely more of the go with the flow . I just wish I had savor end the moments more. My only regret.

  9. Kimberly says

    You are right, the years are fleeting. I look back now that I am a grandmother and all of my children are grown or almost grown and it just flew by. Enjoy every moment. It is hard but it really is the best time of your life. I would give anything to get to re do it.

  10. says

    I don’t really have an older mentor mom at this point but a few friends who’s children are older that I can admire and I know I can ask for advice. At this point in my life I actually volunteer with (and write to) moms who have littles and are at the beginning of the journey. My oldest is only (nearly) six so I don’t have tonnes of years of experience but I feel blessed to have many opportunities to encourage other mothers. I also have a blessing of a good friend nearby to swap help with and a mom next door who can be available as needed. I have a great support community and have since my first was born. My sincerest wish is that other mothers get that same support so they can gain confidence in what they are doing for their children. Because you are given those kids because God decided that you are the best mother they could ask for.
    Tessa W recently posted..Trust: Our Spiritual Home Birth Journey Part 2My Profile

    • says

      “Because you are given those kids because God decided that you are the best mother they could ask for.” <–Yes, Yes and Amen! I love that!

  11. Monica says

    I am both a veteran mom to 4 teenagers and a new mom to a 1 and 2 year old, and I am cherishing every moment of my second chance because I know how fast it goes. But it is different this time, I stayed home with the 4 older and wasn’t in a position to do so this time. I have seen the advantages of both. I should share with new moms- I have a lot of experience….and a lot of funny stories!

  12. Lydia Coathup says

    I loved what you said ..Veteran moms are so needed to be put out in the spotlight and giving a standing ovation..I am a stay at home mommy of a beautiful 5 year princess who is the apple of her daddy’s eyes as well as all of her aunts uncles and cousins too..( large family) She was born as a tall preemie who has some difficulties physical and cognitive wise..
    Now..she is finishing up her special needs school program and will be going to a new school since in our district here in Kingwood,Tx once she reaches 5 she then will transfer to another elementary school whose program will work more towards her Aspergers ..
    God bless all of the veteran moms out there and those in heaven too..
    Thank you Erin for you if I can just open it up..take care..

  13. says

    I really relate to this post. I remember a conversation with my grandmother when my boys were tiny, only 18 months apart. She had had twins and then another baby only 1 year later. I asked her, “How on earth did you do that, with 3 little babies?” She just looked at me and said, “Well, I had lots of help. I was never alone. People took turns coming over to help me, between my sister-in-law, my mother, my sister, someone was always here.” How beautiful it must have been to be able to have a “sisterhood” of support. It is truly a shame that it is so rare to be able to find those kinds of networks now.
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  14. Pam says

    Very nice article, a great read, I hope that I am a help to my grand children’s mothers, not a hindrance , as an grandmother raising our 5 year old grandchild, I also have moments of doubt, it is differents the second time around. Love this site for all the encouragement and insight!

  15. amie Kelley says

    Hi i am a veteran mom and still growing my family. I have 3 children and one on the way. I try hard to be efficient, I fail a lot. I have been following you on fb for a while now. I am encouraged by your post. I have a strong desire to share my story and my trials and success but I don’t really know how or where to start. Do you have my advice

  16. says

    This post has definitely touched my heart. I am a veteran mom (son born a week before the twin girls turned 2…yes, a VERY busy time!) and now I have five who call me Grammy. Who knew grandparenting could be so difficult AND rewarding? Balancing the fine line of stepping on toes when offering advice, admiring the dedication of the parents and their ability to function with no sleep, living overseas so always a guest and never the hostess, desperately wanting to be a help and not a hindrance. I will be back in the states for nearly three months (longest time ever since leaving) so that I can be available to watch three little ones while their mother (my daughter) returns to school for her nursing degree. Praying for wisdom, grace, discernment. May I be an encouragement to all the young moms I run across! And yes, I remember. Lord, give me eyes to see where I can help!!
    Marianna recently posted..Sunday’s Scripture — May 3My Profile

  17. Mama2eight says

    I remember the days when my twins were new. I’m trying to get ready for church. I don’t know which worked better, getting them dressed first or me! Somebody was going to get dirty before we left the house. Or more than one somebody… We actually stopped going to church for a short time. It was too hard to get everyone out of the house on time and ready… Now they are 33 and six more followed them. The youngest is twelve. We are still looking for shoes and brushing hair when we should be leaving…

    There are parts of having a young family I miss and some I don’t. But now there are grandchildren! I do smile and encourage the mamas when I can. I often say, everyone needs a mommy! I see a lot of mommies when I’m out and about.

    I’m glad you wrote this article! It didn’t go the direction I thought it would, but it is a good reminder!

  18. says

    I love the article and have very much respect for what you conveyed as a young mother. Mothers are very different now. I find that young mothers do not want counsel, advice or encouraging word from the wise and experienced unless you agree with them. They certainly do not encourage you, the seasoned mother to disagree with their parenting skills or how things that are challenging to be shown a different way. I love to encourage young mothers and freely give advice when it is asked of me. Children are becoming disrespectful, spoiled and have a sense of entitlement because of the way they are being raised by young mothers who are tired, overworked and far too busy trying to make their relationships work with their s spouses, etc., and not putting their children first or what is best for their child. You may not agree with me, however, I only speak from my experiences. More God in family lives and reading the Book of Proverbs, a chapter a day would enhance a mother in raising her children in a manner she would be proud of one day. Excuse in errors please.


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