Are you interested in natural childbirth but wondering if you can handle the pain? The ability to manage labor pain may be a lot ore doable than you think.
Guest Post by Wendy Hanenburg of AwakeningWillow
Are you interested in natural childbirth but wondering if you can handle the pain?
You’re not alone.
Labor pain remains mysterious until it’s experienced, so most women wonder what it will *really* feel like. In the meantime, we hear stories about “excruciating pain” from those who birthed before us, which has led to a modern-time myth about natural childbirth:
Myth: You must have a “high pain tolerance” in order to have a natural childbirth.
I consider myself to have a “low pain tolerance,” if there is such a thing.
Fifteen years ago, newly married but before any thought of having kids, I assumed I would choose an epidural when it came time for kids due to my “low pain tolerance.”
A bonked toe or elbow will have me howling in pain and practically curled in a ball on the floor.
During a run, as soon as it gets a little challenging I take a walk break.
Or if I feel a funny pain in my foot or shin.
Or if it’s too hot.
Let’s just say that I prefer to maintain comfort in my day-to-day life. I don’t seek out difficult or challenging adventures. I’m not special or talented or athletic. And yet I have had two natural births; one at a birth center, one at home, both with a midwife attending.
How can that be?
Fact: Preparation and vulnerability are more important than “pain tolerance.”
It’s not about someone’s ability to cope with pain, but rather their willingness to experience a certain type of pain.
Two Things You Really Need to Manage Labor Pain
Choosing to have a natural childbirth is being willing to prepare (physically and mentally) for the challenge and being willing to be vulnerable to experience the unknown with no guaranteed results.
1. Preparation
How do you prepare for what you don’t know and can’t predict?
My preparation for natural birth had five key parts, which I detail in the book I wrote. The knowledge I gained about birth led to a belief
in my ability as well as to a strong determination to have a natural birth, which in turn led to choosing a supportive caregiver and planning for a natural birth.
Preparation changed the way I viewed labor pain, from fearing it to allowing it as a normal part of the process. I was willing to accept the pain that came with labor; I now viewed it in a different way.
Thanks to my preparation I had more tools to help me manage labor pain, and my top two tools for natural childbirth determination and belief in myself were strengthened.
For more help with preparing for a natural childbirth, check out the #1 bestselling online childbirth course, Mama Natural Birth Course. You can watch the course in the comfort of your own home!
2. Vulnerability
It’s hard to wrap our minds around the unknown. When labor begins, you don’t know exactly how long it will take or how hard it will get.
My willingness to be vulnerable to the experience of natural birth was aided by my preparation.
What I knew about birth gave me confidence to face what I didn’t know.
I developed realistic expectations and a belief in myself: I knew there would be pain but I believed I would be able to handle it.
- Determination was my fuel.
- Reading books helped me learn about birth.
- I chose a supportive birthing environment.
- Reading natural birth stories and daily positive affirmations helped me stay in the “can-do” mindset.
- Natural birth class helped me reduce fear and prepare mentally.
The five keys to natural birth worked together and interesting things happened to this selfdescribed “low pain tolerance” woman: I learned to trust birth and to trust my body.
Great Paradox of Natural Birth
- Prepare: Do what you can to set the stage for a natural birth.
- Be vulnerable: Let go and lean in to the experience.
Natural childbirth is allowing certainty and uncertainty to coexist. And that can be scary. But it is also doable.
If you are interested in natural birth, don’t be scared away from it by thinking you can’t handle the pain.
Because you can. As a woman you’ve always had the ability to birth your baby naturally.
I believe any woman who wants a natural birth can have one. If you are interested in natural birth, start preparing; your confidence and belief in yourself will grow.
Four Reminders About Labor Pain That Helped Me Have a Natural Childbirth
This acronym reminds us how labor pain is different from other types of pain:
- P: Purposeful
- A: Anticipated
- I: Intermittent
- N: Normal
Willingness Starts with Your Why
Why do you want a natural birth? What reason is more important than any pain or challenge you may encounter?
Once you find your reason for wanting a natural birth, use that determination to prepare physically and mentally for the challenge of natural birth.
If I can do it, you can do it!
How did you accept the uncertainty of labor pain?
Wendy Hanenburg is the creator of AwakeningWillow where she writes about healthy food, green living, peaceful parenting, and natural birth. She and her husband are constantly learning from their two children; they are great teachers! Her book I Can and I Will: Cultivate Your Courage for the Natural Birth of Your Dreams was born of her passion to share the “hidden treasure” of natural birth with others. In addition to writing, she also enjoys reading, running, and playing the drums.
Ashley @ DownHomeDuo
Great post! I totally agree that the pain with childbirth is completely manageable, if you manage your expectations. I, like you, was determined and optimistic about having a natural delivery. I didn’t have particularly large babies, but I had a natural twin birth. My contractions were very close together and painful, but I just kept telling myself it would be short-lived. I knew that if I stuck with it and kept breathing, it would soon be over! Also, it was great to have a doula and my husband by my side. Support is such an amazing thing <3
Wendy Hanenburg
Thanks, Ashley! Support is super important!
Heidi
I love this! I am about to have my 3rd child and 2nd natural birth. I am the girl who cries over shots and splinters lol!
Wendy Hanenburg
Thanks, Heidi! I actually pass out with shots – ha! I know where you are coming from! 🙂 Best wishes on your upcoming birth!
Diana
I agree! I am a total wimp with pain, but I’ve had four drug-free home births. You make excellent points here.
Wendy Hanenburg
Thanks, Diana! I appreciate it! I was hoping to provide encouragement for those who are interested in unmedicated birth, but feel they wouldn’t be able to handle the pain. If I can do it, you can too! 🙂
Wendy Hanenburg
PS I loved my home birth too! 🙂
Wells
Hey Wendy! I love the PAIN acronym. SO right. It helped me immensely to know that pain was NORMAL and PURPOSEFUL. So many times we associate “pain” with “emergency!” When birth is pretty much the only kind of physical pain that is NOT an emergency. That and muscular work-out pain, which somehow helps to frame birth pain too, doesn’t it?
It is so fun to find you here in the online mama-space! I wrote a book about birth prep too. I LOVE finding other moms of the same mind! Love and blessings, and thanks for sharing with us!
Wendy Hanenburg
Thanks, Wells! I agree that many associate birth pain with emergency. I did a lot of positive affirmations to help me get to the point of accepting it all as normal!
Thanks for reaching out! I think I have seen your book in passing through Amazon! I hope it’s going well for you. So very nice to meet you! 🙂
Wendy
Mama2eight
I started with twins. My doctor helped me with a natural birth. Then I found a book that made all the difference and I learned to work with contractions instead of fearing them or trying to deny them. The book, Childbirth Without Fear, by Grantly Dick-Read. Very good!
I learned to relax and the contractions hurt a lot less and easier to mange. I became in tune with my body and worked with the contractions. My last two were unattended births. One in the hospital and one in the car on the way. I would have loved to had home births, but the circumstances were not quite right.
I have assisted as a doula for my daughters-in-law and a friend. I love it! But there’s something so empowering about birthing without drugs! One thing I kept in mind: when the contractions get so bad, I’m almost finished! For me, just 15 minutes more and I will be done! Very encouraging!
Wendy Hanenburg
Thanks for sharing your story, Mama2eight! I agree about the relaxation. I also was able to be so relaxed I was able to let the contractions happen instead of fighting them.
My births were great experiences, too, and that’s why I want to help others who may also be interested in pursuing a natural birth.
Andrea Smith
This is really great! I learned so much from my first birth that I applied to a much better second birth. With my first birth, I took 12 weeks of Bradley classes, chose a homebirth midwife, read every natural childbirth book at my library and hundreds of birth stories, joined a natural mama chat group online. I did EVERYTHING to CONTROL my birth. My labor pains were slow and kept petering out. My water broke early with meconium in the waters. After 24 hours of virtually no progress, my midwife suggested we transfer. I felt like an utter failure. I was blessed to have a vaginal birth to a healthy baby in the hospital and got to try again. This time I didn’t look to books, birth stories, midwives or even my husband to “save” me from my pain, but I took ownership of my own birth and whatever path it took. Also, instead of trying to control my birth by doing everything in my power to direct its path, I learned to surrender to it, with God’s help, to just completely ride the waves and not fight it. I also made sure to take lots of supportive healthy herbs like nettle and RRL for my bag of waters and strength. This time I had another long drawn out labor, but instead of fighting it, I rode it out one wave at a time. Instead of surrounding myself with people I hoped would “save me” I sent my hubby to bed and kept tabs with my midwife, but didn’t summon her “too early. As a result, I delivered my daughter into my husband’s hands unassisted while my midwives zoomed through traffic to try to reach me in time. 🙂 I had an even better 3rd birth with all attending at the right time. I’m so thankful for the lessons I’ve learned about myself, life, and birth through natural birth. My births were 42, 17, and 15 hours. 🙂 Totally manageable. I really feel for those moms who have the 3 hour births! Haha.
Erin
Thanks so much for sharing your story! 42 hours?! You are super mama!!
Katie
It becomes impossible to handle the pain when the doctor keeps inserting their hands in you without consent and not letting you focus on getting through it, especially if you’re a past sexual abuse survivor…
I know articles like this mean well, but all they d0 is make women like me who had to give in and get the epidural feel even more like failures.