Have you ever wondered if homemakers should hire help?
Is it okay for homemakers to hire help?
I’ve wrestled with this question so many times.
After all, isn’t it a homemaker’s responsibility to provide childcare, cook, and clean? Whether you’re a working mom, work-at-home mom, or a stay-at-home mom, you’re also in charge of keeping your home!
As a homemaker, I wanted to do it all. In addition to my homemaking responsibilities, I also run a business from home. This blog is our family’s primary income source. But since my husband is at school four days a week as a high school Spanish teacher, I’m also our kids’ primary caregiver!
I had too much on my plate, but I struggled with asking for help.
After talking with other women in my situation (many of whom hire help gladly!), I’ve come to realize that not hiring help is a pride issue for me.
You see, I want to do everything on my own. But also, probably more than that, I care about what other people think. I haven’t wanted other people to know when we’ve need to hire help.
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When I’ve hired help in the past, it has been when I am at my wit’s end, when I’m about to burn out, and when the house looks horrible. I have been advised by my business coach and other mentors that I really need to look into more consistent help. Otherwise I am not going to be a good wife, mom, or business woman.
I will continue to burn out if I think I am superwoman and can do it all.
Friends, nobody can do it all!
2 reasons why we all should consider hiring help:
First of all, you should only hire help if you have room in your budget. (But I will also talk about what to do if you don’t have it in your budget…read on!)
1. It frees you up to better minister to your family and community.
When I am not with my girls I’m working, and then when I am with my girls I’m still working–I’m working on the home. I would rather be pouring into them, discipling them, and doing read-alouds. Instead, I am working on cleaning and doing the laundry and everything else that entails running a home.
With this pattern I’m not getting as much quality time with my kids, and I keep telling myself that “someday” I am going to be a better mom and wife.
Having someone come in to clean or cook occasionally can be a HUGE blessing…and free you up to spend more focused time with your kids! It can also allow you to get involved in community activities outside the home that you might not have time for otherwise.
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2. It gives someone else a job.
I have hired a college student working her way through nursing school to clean my house. I’ve hired a single mom. I have hired a woman whose husband lost his job and their family had to live off of savings. With each of these people, the blessing and benefit was mutual. We needed each other!
A lot of people that are in full-time ministry or full-time blogging have help. There is just no way they could do everything they do without help. When you read big, successful blogs and you see the woman behind it is a wife, a mom, a writer, and also creating new products and homeschooling their kids, you begin to wonder what they are doing that you are not.
How do they get it all done? It’s usually because they have help.
Sometimes hiring help is a cultural thing. In the United States I have found it’s a lot harder to “admit” when we have help. In other countries, it’s the norm.
When my husband and I lived in Costa Rica–we met there in 2003–I was single, but I had a woman come clean my house every other week. My husband was single, too, and he had someone come and iron his clothes.
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At first I struggled with it, even there. Then I had other missionaries tell me that it’s not looked on favorably when you’re from the States if you’re living in Costa Rica and not contributing to their local economy by hiring someone to come help you in your house.
When we were back in Costa Rica in the summer of 2015, there were two weeks where we stayed at one place. We were going to language school and we were told that it wasn’t required–but highly recommend–that we hire someone to help with cleaning and cooking.
So a woman named Blanca came four days a week. She cooked us breakfast, she cooked us lunch, and she cleaned our house.
I always tried to talk to her when she came over. The second or third day she was there we were just talking about life. She got tears in her eyes and told me she was a maid for another family for a long time, and then she lost her job.
She didn’t know what she was going to do. The pastor of the church that ran our Spanish language school approached her and offered her this job for when families come to stay here in this house. It supports her family.
That conversation was a turning point for me. I realized what we were doing was really helping her, every bit as much as she was helping us!
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What if you cannot afford to hire help?
I was there. Several years ago, we could barely afford to eat. We were living on $18,000 a year after taxes. I know that it might not be realistic for you to hire help, but there are some ways that you can lighten your load a little:
1. Trade with somebody else.
Maybe you love watching kids, but you are not great at cleaning. And maybe your friend needs a break from her kids, and she’s great at cleaning. Why not swap services?
2. Offer your own services to make money.
If you really need the money, you could be the one to ask around and say, “I am willing to clean your house.” You might be in that situation where you are the one that needs the job, and your friend might need the help. It can be a win-win for both of you: your friend gets the help she needs, and your financial burden is lifted a little!
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Is hired help just for work-at-home moms?
Actually, no.
Although I’m writing from the perspective of a work-at-home mom, I think any homemaker could benefit from getting help!
I know women who don’t bring in an income, but they still have help.
Talk with your spouse, family members, or mentors, and consider honestly about whether or not your home could benefit from some extra help.
Those of us who have hired help need to be more transparent about it. Let’s show other homemakers that there’s no shame in not doing it all!
Molly Bronson
I’ve had the same struggle with whether or not to hire help. I’m a sahm to 3 girls, all under 4 years old and because of my personality traits, cleaning up is always the last thing on my to do list. I would much rather be reading aloud, going to the park, or building blocks/playing dolls with my girls. We reached an agreement that after we got back out of debt (should be by new years!), we would get someone to come in once a month. My goal is now to be able to hire my friend who is quitting her job in January to stay at home. I’ll go watch her kids & pay her. It will help both of us!
Erin
Our personalities sound very similar! I love the idea of about employing your friend! What a win-win!
Kathleen Soto
I am 100% in favor of hiring household help. I have done it for 10 years. My children are grown and I work full time. It is a blessing. I also had my own housecleaning business for 3 years after my divorce. It enabled me to work when my children were in school.
Erin
I love that businesses like that can support single moms! Thanks so much for your input, Kathleen!
Heather
This is something my husband and I have been considering lately. Currently I am doing a #write31days series on Overcoming Overwhelm. It seems that between three little ones (8, 6 and almost 2), homeschooling, cooking, carting kids to activities, being involved in church, and trying to build my blog, the actual cleaning has fallen by the wayside. I’m not sure we are at the point where we can actually afford it (still on the Dave Ramsey Debt plan here…), but I definitely think trading with someone is a great idea!
Although, I am also trying to adjust my thinking to realizing I can’t do all.the.things. no matter how hard I try, or how much I want to!
Erin
Oh Heather–do I remember the early days of building a blog! It’s hard work (that never really ends!). I would suggest trying to make a plan for help as soon as you get the debt paid down. We didn’t have debt but our income was super low. When we finally saw it start to come up, we realized we would be able to make even more income for our family if I had a little help around the house that allowed me to take that time to blog. I hope that helps–and congrats on your series! Sounds awesome!
JIll
I have mixed feelings about this. I can understand hiring help if both spouses work outside the home (why spend what little free time you both have cleaning, when it could be spent on family or hobby activities). I also understand it if the stay at home spouse actually runs a business from home (you are still juggling work and family and the hired hand can give you that wiggle room).
But what I don’t hear any commentary on is the dad-spouse pitching in! Yes, he may be working that outside job all day, but if mom is home with kids – that’s just as stressful and involved as whatever he’s doing. Why is it assumed that mom must be the one to clean, plan meals, cook, and run the errands?
My husband and I both work outside the home and we agreed from the get-go that we would share the household and childrearing responsibilities. I have no need for hired help because my husband understands that the tedium of running a house is his responsibility, too, and does his share.
Erin
That’s a really good point to consider, Jill!!
Farhaana
I am also torn about it. In the past we have been unable to afford it. I homeschool and am now working part time at home. It might be doable now. However, I want my kids to learn responsibility in the home. They are ages13, 10, 8. My husband helps a lot. He does dishes, helps with laundry, vacuuming, etc. I keep telling him I want the kids to take over some of the tasks both he and I do. Even if they don’t do it as well they can be taught. One of the things that no one else does is tubs. For that reason alone I sometimes consider hiring someone :). I don’t know what it is about tubs!
Erin
I can totally get your sentiments! We still have our girls do chores and to help the sitter as well. I think it’s such a hard balance!
Sarah @ The Teacher's Wife
This is such a great topic and I love the points you make regarding cultural differences regarding hiring help in our homes. I even feel weird sometimes at CFA when the servers wait on me and get my drink refilled. I try to help others as much as I can, yet it can feel awkward to me when I accept help from others, especially in instances where I physically can do it myself (although my sanity sometimes suffers). Great topic and thanks for sharing! I hope you and baby BOY are doing well! 🙂
Erin
I’ve felt like that before in restaurants too, Sarah! Will and I went to a fancy restaurant for our anniversary this summer, and the servers acted like we were on a whole different level! I wanted to say: “Hey! We are JUST LIKE YOU!!”
I love feeling baby boy’s kicks! I can’t believe we are coming up on 3rd trimester! Thank you for the well wishes!
Laura
Great article – do you have any resources of where to look for reasonable help?
Erin
Hi Laura! We have found the best help through our church–college-age girls who have helped me with cleaning and watching our kids. We’ve also had some referrals from other church friends, but I hear good things about care.com. Hope that helps!
Michelle
I used care.com to find an amazing lady to help us with homeschooling our kids!
Cara
Love this! Since I’m an introvert and work from home I find it works better for me to send stuff out- so I send out the kids’ laundry (and if it’s a rough week, all the laundry) rather than have someone come clean for a few hours. The laundry comes back to me all folded and ready to put away and it frees up time for me to do the other chores.
Erin
That sounds wonderful, Cara! It sounds like a win-win for you to have the help but also have your private world remain private!
Annette
Somewhere in my years of teaching, we hired someone to clean the house. I think my mother and dad paid for it at first. Then we paid for it on our own. So it has been a long time that I have had help. There were times when we needed to cut expenses, but I cut other things in order to keep the housecleaner. Now that I have retired and since I was very ill two years ago, I have been most grateful for the housecleaner. She does whatever I ask. She cleans every other week and on the off weeks, she changes the bed, cleans the bathrooms, irons, sometimes folds clothes. She has done a little cooking on occasion too. She has been a Godsend since we have become disabled. She and I have also become friends. She comes early so we can chat for an hour before she gets to work. I look forward to her coming each week.
Erin
I love that you have become friends too! I have had the same happy when we have hired help. Sounds like you have a great set-up! Thanks for sharing!
Michelle
I have been homeschooling my kids for the last three years. Much of that time, I have had someone to come and do cleaning for us so that I could focus on school. This year, we decided to hire someone to come in and help with the homeschooling, as well. It has been the best decision we have made when it comes to our kids school. They are happy and love their “teacher”. I am less stressed and able to pursue my dream of writing, but still able to be my kids primary caregiver and create the education I want for them at home.
Erin
What a great idea to hire some help for both! I hope you are able to continue homeschooling your children part-time with this help and are able to pursue that dream!!
Rachel
It’s actually a dream of mine to plan the curriculum and oversee homeschooling bUT to NOT be the teacher!
Erin
That’s funny–but cool! Were you a teacher in the past? I’m the opposite!! I love someone planning it for me!
Aimee Hadden
For the past two summers we have hired someone to cut the grass since my husband works two jobs and our time together is something we guard carefully. It was worth us paying someone so that we can have the extra time while he is home. I look forward to the day when we can hire someone toclean our home. You make some excellent points. Good post!
Erin
Thanks, Aimee! We have a neighborhood boy who cuts our grass now too. My hubby has asthma, and it is difficult for him to not have a flare up when he cuts the grass. He doesn’t want me to do it, and the boy is affordable. It’s a win-win! I hope you can get housecleaning too.
Keelie Reason
I tell you what, getting hired to do something for someone else would be a huge blessing. Since everyone feels they should or can do it themselves, it makes it hard for people looking for side work. My parents grew up in an era where you could do odd and end tasks or jobs for people and make a little extra money. We really need to get back to that way of life. I love being able to afford to hire out some tasks for projects. It makes me feel great about investing in someone else.
Erin
I agree that we need to get back to that way of life! It’s always a dual blessing, but our culture has made it into something shameful!
April
I recently just hired someone to come every Friday afternoon for 3 hours. Last week was her first week, and all she got done was our bathroom, kitchen and some of the dining room. I’m so far behind on things that I felt like I was drowning. My goal is to help the kids learn to clean their own bedrooms and work on mine, and then have the main spaces of our home tidy for when she comes. Eventually she can clean everything and then I can have her come every other week and I can maintain things better. I babysit a 1 year old 3 days a week and am using some of that money to pay the babysitter since I need to give the kids more attention when babysitting. While I’d love to add to our debt snowball, sometimes some sanity is worth the price!
Erin
I totally agree about sanity being worth the price, April! I feel MUCH, MUCH saner (and like a better mom!) since we decided to get help! Ours is on her honeymoon for the next two weeks; I don’t know what I am going to do! LOL!
Lizzy Ainsworth
On the other side of that, when I was 18, I was helping two families who were living on the same farm, each pregnant with their 6th child and both homeschooling and running home businesses. I lived two hours away so I would stay with them 4-5 days a fortnight and help with everything from paperwork, folding washing, teaching, and helping to pave around the swimming pool and lay turf. It was a great experience for me, and they became mentors to me. So by having a younger girl around your home, it’s helping you, but you are helping her. Even if she came from a good family, you are modelling new recipes, new relationship dynamics, different budgeting ideas, possibly new parenting thoughts.
I still stay that if I ever have 6 children I’ll be getting one of their girls to come help me!
Erin
I love that! What a neat experience! Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Lizzy!