Is it possible to stay married during crisis? I don’t just believe it is–I know it is. We’ve been through marriage trials and back. These five tips can help you stay married when hard times hit.
Will and I have not had a perfect marriage.
In fact, that’s one reason why we’ve not written about marriage extensively on this blog–although our entire site is built around building the home and family.
We’ve been through many ups and downs over the past 11 1/2 years and were even on the brink of divorce after a crisis we endured in 2009.
But praise God–we’ve made it over a decade, and we’ve seen the Lord do phenomenal things in our marriage.
We know if he can redeem so many broken things in our relationship, he can heal yours, too. You can stay married during crisis!
Over the course of our marriage, there are five areas that have proven extremely beneficial in how to stay married during crisis. These are five areas we go back to again and again. We hope they will be helpful to you as well!
How to Stay Married During Crisis
1. Talk to your pastor or a trusted friend.
We are incredibly grateful that God has surrounded us with trusted mentors and pastors over the years.
Will’s mentor is a former pastor of ours, and we are good friends with the lead pastor of the church we attend.
When we are having a hard time, we don’t hesitate to request to meet with one of these godly individuals.
Will usually meets with them alone, or we meet with them together. They speak truth into our lives, lead us to Scripture, pray with and for us, and will hold us accountable to our marriage vows.
I talk to my female mentor about our marriage as well. The neat thing is that her personality is very similar to Will’s, so sometimes she can help me see things that will help that I cannot see by myself!
2. Take a marriage class or attend a marriage conference or retreat.
Even before we went through marriage crisis, this is something we tried to do every year.
We have always attended churches that offered some kind of marriage ministry. We have taken at least one marriage class every year we’ve been together.
If there is an opportunity to attend a marriage conference or retreat, we go!
I believe one reason we were able to stay married during crisis was because of all we had learned through these resources before, during, and now after our marriage trials.
3. Have more sex.
So this might sound counterintuitive if you are going through a marriage crisis, but what I was taught in church youth group has proven true for us: Sex is like glue!
You won’t always feel like it–you might not feel like it at all!–but being sexually intimate with your spouse will bring you closer together. We have seen this again and again in our own marriage.
And ladies–the more you are sexually intimate, the more you usually desire it.
(Ok-that’s all I’ll say about that one! I’m blushing!)
4. Decorate your home with reminders of your marriage commitment.
This is something you will need to do before crisis hits.
We have decorated our home with Scripture throughout. I believe we have a verse displayed in every single room!
We have made a special point to make our bedroom decor a reminder of our marriage commitment.
We have a “We Still Do” throw pillow on our bed, “We Still Do” picture frame on my nightstand, and a “We Still Do” sign on our wall. (You can see these pictured in this post!)
We got all these from Ever Thine Home, and they serve as a reminder that we do still do–even when the going gets tough!!
Ever Thine Home agreed to give my readers 20% off ALL “We Still Do” merchandise for a limited time! Use code “WeStillDo20” now through 2/10/17! This would make a GREAT Valentine’s Day gift for your spouse! Shop here.
5. Go to counseling.
Never be ashamed about getting professional help.
We have seen several counselors during the course of our marriage, and we will see them again in a heartbeat.
This past summer we went through a hard time and went to several sessions with a Christian counselor. It really helped us work through things, and I’m not sure we would be in the good place we are now if we had not had that extra help.
Yes, counseling can be expensive, but a good counselor is worth the investment. Some counselors do offer discounts and sliding scales based on income level. Some churches will also help out with the expense of marriage counseling. It never hurts to ask!
I would seek out a counselor who is both a Christian and professionally trained. We always like to get recommendations from our pastor because we know he will suggest counselors who believe in the sanctity of marriage and will not encourage divorce.
Don’t forget that Ever Thine Home agreed to give my readers 20% off ALL “We Still Do” merchandise for a limited time! Use code “WeStillDo20” now through 2/10/17! This would make a GREAT Valentine’s Day gift for your spouse! Shop here.
Ever Thine Home gives all profits from these purchases to FamilyLife, a ministry that aims to strengthen marriages and families. Will and I attended a FamilyLife conference back in 2009–when our marriage was on the brink of falling apart. I have no doubt the Lord used this ministry to help us stay together.
What are your tips for how to stay married during crisis? Share your best marriage advice in the comments!
Thank you, Ever Thine Home, for underwriting this post and helping provide valuable content to my readers!