Choose joy instead of jealousy in your marriage and your role as a mother. This post is about being jealous of your husband—and how you can overcome it!
Guest post by Kristen of Smithspirations
I feel incredibly blessed to be a stay-at-home homeschooling mom. There is truly nothing else I would want to do with my days while our children are under our roof. I realize that these years are fleeting and that I need to cherish them before they pass me by.
And I do. I really, honestly do cherish these days caring for my children at home. They are precious.
But you know what? There are times when I get a little weary, a little worn out, and a little jealous.
Jealous? Yes, jealous.
I don’t feel envy towards my working mom friends, and I don’t look at friends who are passed the baby stage and wish to be there. Sometimes I struggle being jealous of my husband while I’m in the midst of rearing young children.
Why Would I Be Jealous of My Husband?
I don’t think I’m the only mom who has dealt with this. For me, I find I’m most prone to falling into this jealousy trap when I’m sleep-deprived, a little frazzled, or terribly behind in my home business. I look at him and his apparent freedom, and I crave it.
The freedom to go exercise after work.
The freedom to take a shower.
The freedom to run an errand.
The freedom to leave the house regularly.
The freedom to get up early and enjoy the quiet time alone.
The freedom to have privacy.
The freedom to enjoy silence.
Sometimes, in my weaker moments, and perhaps for only a few minutes, I take my eyes off of these precious fleeting years with young children and focus on the sacrifices it takes to raise them.
Then, I rob myself.
Jealousy: Grand Theft Joy
My mental attitude towards the sacrifices of motherhood can really make or break our home’s atmosphere. Raising children is a tremendous responsibility, and sometimes I fail miserably.
Sometimes I do get tired. Sometimes homeschooling feels like a chore. Sometimes I downright lose it and set a terrible example.
But I have had to come to realize that I have a choice when the path of motherhood starts to get a little rocky. I can let my mind wander and compare my lot with my husband’s and then let jealousy creep in, or I can focus on what God has called me to do and pray that He helps me to do it better.
When I choose jealousy, I lose joy.
When I choose to refocus, I gain perspective.
Keeping the Right Perspective
Even when motherhood is hard, I have to choose to remember the amazing gift I have been given to be able to stay at home with my children. It may be true that my husband may enjoy a little more freedom while we have very young children, but I enjoy so many benefits because I get to be at home with them.
Usually, I’m the one
- who gets the first smiles
- who sees the first crawls and steps
- who hears the first words
- who enjoys the first songs
- who is the source of their food, comfort, and security for the first year.
When I put jealousy out of my heart, then I can remember that my husband is also making sacrifices so that I can have the privilege of being home with my children. I can let gratitude and joy reign in my heart and overflow to my family, and my home only benefits.
Fellow mommas, I know it can be a challenge at times when you just want to take an uninterrupted shower or exercise for a whopping 20 minutes. And it is totally okay (and arguably needful) to work with your family to make those things happen.
But when they don’t happen, and when it feels like you’re sacrificing more than your husband is (because those times are inevitable), choose perspective over jealousy. And I’ll try to do the same.
Do you ever find yourself jealous of your husband or someone else while raising young children?
Kristen Smith is a Christian, wife to her best friend and high school sweetheart, and mother to a growing brood of sweet little people. She and her family enjoy rural life in northeast Ohio. Her days are spent keeping the home, homeschooling, making real food, gardening, blogging, studying herbalism, working from home as a Lilla Rose consultant, and doing what she can to live a more natural and God-honoring life. Connect with her on her blog, Smithspirations, where she writes on topics relating to faith, family, and natural living. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, and Google+.
Christian
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this article, I could never have put it so well. I have been a SAHM for five years and will start homeschooling, officially in the fall, I have three girls 5,3 &2 and my hubby is in Graduate school. A lot of times I feel jealous, not so much about his freedom, but his importance, I feel he is more interesting and doing “important” work in the eyes of society. When family talks to me, it seems they are not interested in my work at home, but when others talk to my husband they have a lot to talk about and it is easier for them to connect to him. But I am honestly thankful for my chance to be a SAHM and homeschool, and I pray everyday for the Grace to enjoy it and not feel jealousy and regret, but hope and trust. Thanks again!
Kristen @ Smithspirations
I definitely understand that, Christian! For a while I felt awkward filling out updated information for the Honors College I was a part of when I went to college because I was “just” a stay at home mom and not pursuing further education. But building into future generations is invaluable and will never be regretted.
I’m glad the post encouraged you today!
grammie
I remember. ♡ Used to make sure everything potentially harmful was blocked off, put way up, ANYthing do I cd get that shower, but a max of 5 min … even 2 or 3 tho it looked like an OLD-time movie (til Dear Hubby comes home and we can get a longer one). The baby can go in her/his littl soft seat in the shower room. Even if toddler wants to come in bathroom til he/she is a littl older it’s OK. Oh, it IS OK for that short of time, if somebody cries. ; ) Lovin’ you dear mamas … You are MY heroines!
Kristen @ Smithspirations
Reminds me of something I read once from a mom of many. Something about accepting the fact that “someone is always crying”. Yep, it all works out!
Thanks for sharing from your experience!
shanda
Thank you. This post couldn’t have come at a better time for me. With my youngest being sick the last 3 days and getting no sleep I’ve been exhausted and cranky. This is one I have to print and put up as a reminder of all the things I do get. Wonderful nap time cuddles, sleepy morning smiles, the joy of watching him discover new things. All because my husband works hard for our family so I can stay home
Kristen @ Smithspirations
Ooo Shanda, that’s rough! I always cringe inside when our little ones start to get sick, imagining what my next few days will hold. I get cranky after a while, too.
I’m humbled that this has encouraged you today! I’ll pray for your little guy right now. 🙂
A very jealous mom
Well, your husband ( like mine) does have a better life and I expect them to be able to take better care of their health and well-being and thus look younger than us ,
They would get a secretary or an assistance to take care of the extra repetitive work and focus with the help of HR on efficiency and creating a more motivating atmosphere for work ,,,, we as moms and housekeepers don’t have these Privileges.. do we?
We only get a few praises alongside more criticism and less appreciation for our unpaid job
perhaps, we need them to help us more with the house chores , isn’t it physically demanding and men happen to be physically stronger ? Or they can pay extra money to get a helper or a nanny so we as “ Honored “ moms can get some quality rest and time for our bodies to recover from all the stress and fatigue , I am just being practical here ,,, the way men are also practical
Victoria
You know what’s funny? I feel jealous of my husband too. Except I’m the working full time parent, and he’s the stay at home parent.
Every day I get up early by myself, get a nice shower, go to work and talk with grown-ups all day, work out at the on-site fitness center, eat a nice hot meal from the cafeteria, and chat on the phone to whomever I want on the way home from work. And I would TRADE IT ALL to stay at home with the kids all day!
My husband gets to teach and cuddle them all day, to take them fun places, run errands as needed, nap with the baby every afternoon, and do home improvement projects to make our home a nicer place to live. There are many kid situations that he handles better than me because he literally knows our kids better than I do. Of course, I know it’s hard for him to balance it all, and break up fights, and get a shower for himself. And I know there are days the kids make him crazy and he’d trade with me in an instant.
It really is true that the grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it?
Kristen @ Smithspirations
Thank you for chiming in, Victoria! You have a very unique perspective to share. You also pointed out some other important benefits to being at home with children that I didn’t mention, so I’m glad you shared those, too. Some mornings I wake up so tired but am reminded that once our baby falls asleep, I can take a nap. My husband can’t do that!
And yes, you are exactly right. It’s so easy to think that we have it harder than another person.
Thank you for sharing today!
Beth
As a single mom, these are the exact reasons I am jealous of my married friends with children.
Kristen @ Smithspirations
Sometimes my husband is gone for two weeks in the summer for overseas ministry trips, and I think of the single moms out there who do what I’m doing all the time. I just can’t wrap my mind around it!
My mom was a single parent for many years while I was in school, too. There’s nothing easy about it, and I certainly only know the half of all she went through.
I pray God gives you the strength and grace you need to meet so many demands. Hugs to you, friend.
andie
Thank you! This article wrecked me! (for the good) You are spot on, Totally what I needed to hear!
Kristen @ Smithspirations
I’m glad it was a blessing to you, Andie! I need these reminders as much as the next momma. I’ll probably have to come back and re-read everything I wrote before too many days have passed. 😉
Francis
I so needed to hear this today. I have been feeling this way lately and you are so right, I need to ask God daily to help me keep my perspectives in order. May marks my one year anniversary of being a SAHM and I love being home with my boys. They are 2 & 4 and some days I just want to pull my hair out because they can get on each other’s nerves and I look at my husband and his “freedom” to leave the house whenever he wants and I do get jealous. Some days I just want to go to the store by myself :-). But I am so, so thankful to be home with my boys and I need to refocus and ask God to help me keep my perspectives. Thanks!!!
Kristen @ Smithspirations
You’re so welcome, Francis! Like I told another commenter, I need these reminders as much as anyone else. It’s so easy to lose perspective!
And isn’t it amazing how a solitary trip to the grocery store can suddenly become so exotic? Ha! And silence… how I’ve grown to love silence. 🙂
God bless your efforts to be the momma your boys need!
Heidi James
I want to encourage all SAHM! I have been a SAHM for 23 years and have homeschooled for 15 years. Now that my 3 children are in college, I miss it! It goes so fast but the benefits are priceless. Questions have flooded me on what will I do now? I am still a SAHM, I do help with my husband’s work but I found that even though my children are young adults, they still need you in new ways. Just because they are adults doesn’t mean they have all the answers. They welcome advice, or “can you read my paper?” or “how do I pay this bill” and especially when they hit a wall and you can talk them through it. I think it’s comforting to know when they call home, someone is going to answer. Keep going, run the race, it is all so worth it!!!!
Kristen @ Smithspirations
Oh Heidi! I’m so glad you shared! What you wrote about is exactly what I want my children to feel as young adults: they can always call home for advice and guidance. Hey, I’m 31 and I still call my mom often to ask how to do something! I value her experience so much.
Thank you for your encouraging words!
Andrea Ingram
Great post! And yes I have those moments. It usually hits me when I am worn down by the daily grind of doing the same thing day after day. Thanks for the giving me what I need to hear.
Kristen @ Smithspirations
Yep, does it to me, too! I sometimes start to feel sorry for myself on days where I can’t get done what I think I need to do.
I often need to remind myself of something my husband once told me. He said that as long as our children are fed, clothed, and I’ve done our morning Bible time with them, I’ve done my big duties for the day. It helps me remember to put the big things first, and trust God for the rest.
Keep on, momma friend!
Joni
I desperately needed this today. I’ve been feeling this way for a few days now. I’m adjusting to 2 children as my youngest is a precious 7 weeks. My 3 year old had been acting out and testing my patience. I’m so thankful for my husband who has been so gracious in encouraging me. (:
Kristen @ Smithspirations
Hey Joni! Those transitions with new babies can be bumpy. Really bumpy sometimes! Going from one to two was a HUGE transition for me. So much so that I said I wanted to be done when our baby was just three months old. It was so hard.
It does get easier, as many will tell you. We now have five and the perspective I’ve gained helps a lot, as does having older children to help. All that to say, I completely understand where you are right now, and I know it can be a challenge.
I gave myself benchmarks of getting through two weeks, then getting through six, then getting through the first three months. I kind of congratulated myself at each benchmark and thought about how things had gotten easier. By three months, I started to feel a sense of normal again.
I’m so glad to hear that your hubby is encouraging you! Keep talking with him about how you’re feeling and adjusting. That always did wonders for me.
Congrats on that new baby, too. 🙂
Matteo
I’m a father, and am the one who is home with our two children. I could completely relate to this on every point. Its probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m so grateful for it.
Kristen @ Smithspirations
Hi Matteo! I’m glad you chimed in, too! Yes, the experiences of any parent at home with children aren’t limited to just mommas. Pappas at home definitely feel it, too. Like you said, it’s not always easy, but the benefits are incredible.
Kelli
I was on the verge of tears the entire time I spent reading this article. I find myself jealous of my husband so often. About half way through reading I started thinking to myself, “Yeah, I have to give all that up and what do I get in return?” Then you answered my undeniably selfish question. I get to be with my kids, I get to be here for so many first, and so many sweet moments – things my husband misses out on and things I’d miss out on if I was still working. Thank you so much for your words. They have convicted me and revealed another layer of my selfish attitude.
Kristen @ Smithspirations
Hey Kelli,
Thanks so much for your heartfelt comment.
I completely get it. If anything has ever shown me my selfishness it is motherhood. I see selfishness get the better of me every single day! Little by little God is chipping it away and He so often does it through the tests of motherhood.
A while back a Scripture came to me that really encouraged me in all that we do for our children: “Great love hath no man than this than he lay down his life for his friends.” Though we certainly do it in a smaller way compared to what Jesus did, every day I lay my life (my wants, my comforts, my sleep, etc) down for these little friends of mine. What a calling!
Stay encouraged, momma! It IS worth it, isn’t it?
tiffany
WOW! Not only did your post speak right to me but the verse John 15:13 has a completely different meaning to me now!!! THANK YOU!!!!! I needed this little nugget to keep me going 🙂
Kristen @ Smithspirations
I have to rely on that little nugget often, and when I forget it, I suffer!
Mary
Thank you so much for posting!
Kristen @ Smithspirations
You’re welcome, Mary! Thank you for reading. 🙂
Cristina Smith
I so get jealous of my husband from time to time, but for different reasons. He is disabled so he gets to stay at home with our kids. I have always had to work to support us. So I am away working and going to school and then I still have to come home and take care of the things that SAHM’s do, but in a much smaller time frame. I have missed so much of my kids lives and I do not have the closeness that a mother should have with her children because I am always gone. I try to spend as much quality time with them as possible, but its never enough. All I have ever wanted was to be a stay at home mom. Sometimes we just have to make the best of what we have. I try to be appreciative that at least my kids have my husband at home with them instead of day care and baby sitters.
Kristen @ Smithspirations
Hey Christina,
You are in a tough spot and are no doubt doing all you can for your family. I certainly have no words of advice, but will pray that God gives you the strength you need for such a demanding stage of life.
tiffany
Im praying for you tonight!!!!!!!!! 🙂 xoxo
Helen
Hi there. Greetings from Cyprus! I am an English lady, now aged 65 -and used to be a SAHM myself. Although it was my choice, having two children within two years meant a lot of sleepless nights, lack of money, etc etc. However, I remember I also took a few evening classes, joined a few groups, and so on, mainly in the evenings when my husband got home, or at the weekends
Yes, it is hard-going to be at home all day [we had no car, either!] but I never got bored…..after all, I knew I was bringing up my precious babies and that time can NEVER be repeated.
Now they are 40 and 38, and are happy, well-adjusted people. They are testimony to my time at home with them, I think. Stick with it……the time at home with your children is short, in the grand scheme of things. When I eventually went back to work, I realised most jobs are very boring and not half so much fun as being at home with children! Good luck!
Kristen @ Smithspirations
I love that, Helen! I can’t imagine a job that keeps things as interesting as being a momma at home. You just never know what to expect. Ha!
I always like to hear from the ladies that are on the other side of motherhood with grown children. I’m glad you chimed in!
vilmaris conigliaro
Great post, been struggling with that lately especially because my husband makes light of what I do as a mom and I never want to make him feel that way as the provider and leader of the home
Kristen @ Smithspirations
That would be very, very hard, Vilmaris. I don’t have any words of advice for you, other than to continue to be as faithful as you can be in the calling God’s given you and to ask the Lord to help open the eyes of your husband so he can see your special labor. I’ll pray for you.
Beth
I just embrace my inner hippie and tell myself that those missed showers spare my skin a sulfate stripping 😉 I also (unintentionally!?!) trained my kiddos to call for daddy when they wake up at night. Once the milk is unavailable they have no use for me! Seriously though, it definitely takes communication and accommodation to make sure you are both getting at least some rest and quiet time and it is next to impossible with a newborn. I am currently psyching myself up for the next one’s arrival just before harvest/canning season!
Kristen @ Smithspirations
LOL, Beth! Sulfate stripping… too funny!
I totally agree. Working together to make sure both mom & dad are (sorta) rested and recharged does so much to keep the home moving smoothly! Two of my girls wake often, though it is lessening, and my hubby generally tends to them since I have the baby. We’re tired together then! 🙂
Kristy Jensen
I often get jealous of my husband for many reasons. I have 3 very energetic boys at home under the age of 5 and have been dealing with many health issues and chronic pain and fatigue. I try not to complain but sometimes it just builds up. Especially on the days when I have the most pain. I love staying home with my boys but it is hard some days. I wouldn’t trade it for the world but I would love a break once in a while. Maybe just an hour to take that nap that people keep telling me about or to use the restroom without an audience. Or maybe to eat a meal without it getting cold by the time I get everyone else fed. Lol! This is a great post and I am so glad I took the time to read it. Puts things into perspective.
Kristen @ Smithspirations
I’ve been reminding myself of some of these things this week, Kristy! There are times when it is especially hard to keep the right perspective. I’m in the middle of it now.
And yes… to use the bathroom without an audience! Oh, the sweet, sweet luxury. 😉
Erica
Just seeing the title to this blog got me hooked as I too have moments of jealousy towards my husband and his role.
It is exactly what I needed to read at this moment. Thank you for writing it and even after reading many comments by other mothers in the same emotional “boat”, it’s so encouraging to know we’re not alone.
I’m a new SAHM to my first daughter who is nearly 5 months old and not yet sleeping through the night. I LOVE her. I LOVE my husband and I LOVE my life and the fact that my husband values me being a SAHM enough to let me stay home with our little girl and build our home.
The Scripture about getting weary in well-doing comes to mind. I think it’s just draining sometimes and we can start to look at our husbands as if they have an easier life. I think he keeps it quietly to himself but I think he wishes he could be home more with us, cherishing. every. moment.
We just have different roles.
Kiki
I could have written this. I’m in this season right now. Spoke to a friend about it and all I got really was suck it up woman. Lol tough live didn’t really help. Thank you.
Julia
As an SAHM with a six-month-old and a two-and-a-half-year-old, I have trouble with very similar issues as yours. I have been reading Thomas A Kempis’ book The Imitation of Christ, and it has helped a lot–very convicting stuff–and yet I still struggle, sometimes with very painful anger and ugly bitterness. My husband has a job that’s very exciting for him–and he gets to sit all day–while my daily life is about running around, up, down, diaper-change, rice-cereal-everywhere, mop-the-floor, chop-the-food, disentangle-the-kids, etc.
As a side note, I wonder if we Western moms would feel less overwhelmed if we got together with some other young moms a couple times a week and made dinner together, and all of us ate together. Dinner is the toughest thing for me to fit in between the basic routines of child care and nursing. It would be really helpful if we in the Western Christian community borrowed a more communal mindset from our Eastern brethren and ate together more often…with less pressure to clean our houses beforehand, too. 🙂 I think more kid swaps would be helpful as well–you know, “I’ll watch your kids while you clean your house, you watch mine while I clean,” etc. Sounds great to me!
Kari
I just came across this almost by chance and I am so glad I did. Our first baby is 4 months old next week and I have OFTEN found myself feeling so very jealous of my husband’s freedom. This was very encouraging, thank you. I often feel so very overwhelmed and we only have one child. We want a larger family (five kids was the plan) but before our son was born I did not comprehend how all consuming it would be even just with one. It makes me wonder if I am strong enough to manage a household of more children when I am already sometimes overwhelmed now. My husband is currently going to college full time and working two jobs full time (so he really doesn’t have all that much “freedom” but at least he can go pee whenever he wants lol). The next four years (at least) after he graduates college this year will be spent with him in seminary and probably working a job or two! I just don’t see how it is going to get easier like people keep saying. My mother-in-law had seven children while her husband did 4 years of seminary in 2 and worked and she managed well. How is it that only having one isn’t a cake walk for me? Our baby IS very clingy which most of the time I love but it means I can’t get things done in the house that I need to, cook whole food meals for my busy husband who has high blood pressure and must be on a certain strict no-sodium diet, or exercise (I’m still 25 lbs. heavier than I was before I got pregnant and I was at the topish end of my healthy weight range then). Baby sleeps well at night but during the day he will only sleep when I hold him as he is a very light sleeper in the day and will only get the sleep he needs if he can stay in my arms and nurse off and on during his naps. He knows if i try to lay him down and wakes up instantly. When he is awake he is only happy for 10 mins. or so on his own without me playing with him. I don’t know how i could do it if i had another that was this same way. I just can’t seem to get my head above water with even simple things like keeping up with the dishes.. 🙁 Yet neither if us want to give up on having more children because we love them so much! Our son brings us so much joy and we adore him, it’s just hard because I want to do well in ALL areas of managing our home (not just the mommy part- I do at least feel like a great mommy so far) and I just can’t seem to be able to. Any advice?
Mary
Kari, you are probably in the hardest season…take heart, it will get easier! Have you tried babywearing? It saved my sanity with my first (my 2nd and 3rd have not loved it so much). I used to try to do a whole task at once…but little bits at a time are sometimes all you can do with littlest, and that’s ok. My 3rd got much easier to nurse after she got past all those little growth spurts, around 7 months. As for having more kids…It is hardest to have 1, after your second gets old enough to play they can play with each other and not need you every second! You are loved, and husband’s and babies are definitely a way the Lord refines us…but He will help you! If you can find a mom’s group in your area, that has been a huge help to me, or even an older mom to spend time with. The group I go to is in Hickory, NC. You . Mentioned seminary, I don’t know if you’re already in a seminary town, but I know Southeastern has some great resources with churches around Wake Forest, and I’m sure others do too. You can e-mail me if you need more info or a friendly ear…[email protected]
Kariann
Thank you for your reply, Mary. Yes, I have tried baby wearing and it definitely does help keep him happy. The problems are that it is very tiring for me (he’s big for his age and really heavy) and I don’t have the greatest sling or pack so I only have one hand free usually. After 30 mins or so carrying him in it, my back aches. I also have several sore muscles or something that I’ve had since labor that just haven’t healed. It used to work much better when he was 1 and 2 months old and still nice and light, I wrote him all of the time then.
I tried to get whole tasks done too but now I just do it in intervals as I can even though sometimes I never get back to finish something until the next day or even the next. :/
Also, something else difficult has come up. His first 3 + months he nursed all the time and was happy just to be with me. Just this week he started being squirmy, fighting the breast, and making loud whiny demanding grunts when he wants to sit up and play or doesn’t want to go to sleep or does want to go to sleep, etc. Even though i know he is hungry, he sometimes fights the breast but when I work with him and coax him and then sometimes just stick him on and make him stay for a second, he eats like he’s starved. (He never goes to sleep without nursing while falling asleep.) These things are new bahavior for him and i dont know why he’s changing! I am utterly complexed by this behavior and don’t know what he is trying to get across to me. I miss my sweet baby. I thought maybe he was teething but I don’t see anything happening in there. I hope it’s not just that he is going to have a cranky and difficult personality. He has a regular checkup coming up this week so at least I can ask the doctor about it soon.
That is encouraging that it is easier with more than one because of the entertainment factor! Very encouraging, thank you.
It is almost impossible for me to go to a woman’s group as we only have one car and my husband takes it to work and class during the day and in the evenings Monday through Saturday. He’s also a youth pastor and I assist him so Sundays are also out. I have to be really proactive just to work out going to the grocery store once a week.
No, we don’t live in a seminary town so thank you for that info! My husband attends a small Bible collage in rural Alaska, currently. I know he is looking at several seminaries (including one in Indai!) but we haven’t decided yet, so thank you!
Thank you for your advice and encouragement! I feel a little better. 🙂
Kari
I should have sent that to your email, oops lol. 😛
Mary
Yes, babywearing can be tiring and it works better with some babies than others – my middle child hated it! Progress is progress…keep going with those baby steps!
Hopefully you got the nursing thing ironed out by now – sorry I am so slow. My third acted like that too. I FINALLY figured out that she was getting picky about what side she wanted to nurse from. He is entering a tough stage because he is starting to have preferences, but has no way to express them yet!
That is tough about a moms group. If there was a lady in your church who was willing to come over once a week that would be awesome – but I know that’s incredibly hard to come by. Keep looking at blogs, reading, seeking the Lord. He will provide. I met the lady who invited me to moms in a rainstorm in the Sams parking lot!
Out of curiosity, do you live near Tanalian Bible Camp?
Edith Schallert
Astonishingly enough, but I found 4 kids (2 yrs apart) a LOTeasier than 1. They entertain each other, the older ones help with the younger…
Christy
Be glad you get the opportunity to be a SAHM. I had to divorce my husband bc he became a substance abuser and I now have to do everything myself all alone. I have to work and my job is very stressful. I am a pediatric nurse and most shift I take care of kids with cancer. Then I go home to my own kids, one of which is autistic and bipolar and very difficult. I have to make all the money myself, no child support bc he is worthless. And I get the pleasure.of coming home to all the housework and paying the bills and cooking and just everything. I wish I had a good husband to be jealous of. Most of yall are VERY blessed.
jody
I have been a stay at home mum for many years.I have 4 precious girls whom I love dearly.Iam currently pregnant with number 5 and am feeling so overwhelmed worn out.My husband works out of state and we don’t see him very much and have no family around.We have been going to church so the girls can be surrounded by God’s word and people and it has been a help.I loved your article and it makes me realize I should be more humbled by the blessings I have and stop complaining.Its easier said than done but we will continue in God’s path as I know this is how he is directing our lives.Thanks again.
Chris
I’m not crying! ok maybe just a bit. That was exactly what I needed. My husband works odd jobs in addition to his regular so that I can stay home with our 8,4, and 2 year old girls. I miss working, bringing in the $, the full night sleep, and so much more. Sometimes I wish I could trade him spots lol. But I know that what I do is important and honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. Thank you for posting this, it was greatly needed!
gretchen
I think you read my mind. I notice I feel this way when I am exhausted. I remind myself that I have two wonderful children who need me the most right now. Before I know it they will be grown and I will be able to do all the things I am jealous of now.
Sam
I am so thankful that I came across this post…I am literally in tears as I write this.. I often have felt jealous of my husband, and haven’t really known how to overcome it. We have three children age 3,2, and 7 months. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes I have told him I would go to work so he could stay home. But last night while he was in bed (@6 bc he gets up at 1:30am) my littles were playing in their room and singing Here I Am To Worship, and God reminded me of how important my job really is. I just want to thank you for giving me some perspective. I love how God allows us to see the answers we are seeking through others that have been through the same struggle. 🙂
Erin
I’m so glad you were encouraged. <3
Keelie Reason
I know exactly what you are talking about. My husband was a youth pastor for almost 10 years. He was constantly getting to spend time with the youth group while I stayed home and took care of our children. Those were very difficult years for me. I’m glad that my children are grown up enough now that I can focus my time and energy on my own needs too. When you have really young children, it can be very hard to feel like you get to do anything for yourself. I’d strongly encourage everyone to do what they can to make sure they are getting the break they need. Otherwise, you will feel jealous of what your husband has.
Linda
I appreciated your post. I too remember those days…but not so much any more. You see, my kids are now 38 & 40! That was a season and while it seemed like it lasted forever, it now seems it was forever ago! As I am nearing my 7th decade of life, the one lesson I have struggled to learn is to live…actually live & be in the present! That is where God has each of us & we often cheat ourselves of all that the present has to offer by wishing we were in the future or dwelling in the past…neither of which please the One Who created us & our families. I hope I can do a cram course & learn that lesson before I meet Him!
Kayla
I like this sweet lesson you shared Linda.
Marjorie
This hit the spot…
I’m currently a stay at home mom to a 4 year old son. I’ve never been in a situation like this before, since my son is from a previous relationship…So I’m still adjusting to it. At first, I really liked it…who wouldn’t…after working long hours in a horrible place, coming home exhausted and still having to take care of both child and man…it was driving me insane.
Then when I left my old partner and met my husband, my life completely changed. He is an officer and his career allows me to stay at home all day, every day with my son. I loved it at first, but now I’m struggling to push the jealousy away. I have no friends to even talk to because I moved states to be with him, and without a job, I haven’t met any new ones. I get very lonely, and often when my husband comes home, he tells me all the funny, stressful, or even angry stories he experienced that day…and I can’t help but get jealous and it shows. It usually makes him not want to tell me about his day and I don’t want that. I love hearing his stories…but I feel like while I’m stuck at home, dealing with the same routine in and out, he gets to meet new people and have little adventures and things I will never get to experience.
I feel so bad about this. I wish I had a stronger mentality to realize that many people would love to be in my shoes. I love being a SAHM…and to be honest, I hate working, so it’s awesome for me…but I just wish I had friends to talk to…to text when funny things happened or my son did something that made me laugh. Social media is great, sometimes, but not to fill a void. it gets lonely…but I know I’m blessed, and I’m very grateful for the lifestyle I lead.
I think I will manage a little better now because of your article. Thank you.
Chevonne
Thanks for this post. I am a working mom and my husband is a seasonal flyfishing and hunting guide…And I get jealous of his lifestyle. I am thankful that he provides 6 months of care for our children and they don’t have to be in regular childcare. We often fight during the months that he is working because I get jealous of his type of work. Out there making people smile when they catch a fish on a fly rod and showing off his amazing hospitality skills. It is dangerous for our marriage for me to mope in this frame of mind. I also need to choose to be thankful and choose joy because God can work with these things. The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and he has no place here. I searched “jealous of my husband” and found this article and it brought me to tears and snapped me out of my “mood”.
Kristen @ Smithspirations
You are so right about the devil! He loves to make us discontented, no matter what our life situation is. Be encouraged, Chevonne! You aren’t alone in your feelings, but God is there to turn your heart in the right direction.
Kristen @ Smithspirations
Hey Marjorie! Being a SAHM can definitely feel lonely. Maybe joining some local library programs would help you connect with other SAHMs? There are usually great story times for little ones and it can be a nice place to connect. Or perhaps there is a MOPS group in your area? Friendship and community is vital when you are home with your little one all day!
libl
Yes, I get jealous of hubby. I get jealous that every moment of every day he has a “built in babysitter” me, for hours at a rip, even entire weekends away. I have to make plans, work around his schedule and plans, and hope he agrees to watching the kids so I can leave for an hour. He won’t watch the kids for a day, let alone a weekend. He is just not comfortable in that role.
I get jealous that he has a disposable income because he has the ability to go out and earn money. So, between having time and money, he can indulge in his hobbies, can afford to go on a camping weekend with the guys, or run out to coffee with a friend. My “hobbies” have been reduced to playing solitaire on my phone while sitting in the toilet.
I get jealous that when he comes home from work, someone…me…takes care of all his needs and he gets to veg in bed watching whatever he wants and falls asleep before the kids while I get all the kids to bed, clean up dinner, fill the wood furnace, feed and water all the animals, get homeschool organized, and catch up on other household chores.
I fall in bed hours after he has started snoring, after setting the alarm for the next day when I get up before him and prepare his breakfast and pack his lunch before starting my day.
However, I am not jealous that he works a dangerous, hard labor job in every kind of weather condition. I am not jealous that when he is sick he drags his butt to work anyway. I get to stay home in bed while the kids watch TV if I am sick.
I am not jealous that the kids love and need me more than him simply because I am mommy.
Avita
Thank you sooooooo much! I really needed to read this. I’m a first time mom and thought I was weird for feeling that way about my husband who I love so much. Now I see that I am the lucky one who gets all my babies attention. Especially my favorite morning giggles!!!!! God bless you and your family. Thank you for helping me
Kristen @ Smithspirations
No, you’re definitely not weird, Avita! We’re on baby #6 and I still catch myself fighting off jealousy for silly things. My husband and I have great balance and he is wonderfully supportive, but there are just certain challenges that come with being a mom that he doesn’t deal with. But the perks! I can’t forget the perks. Enjoy that sweet baby!
Kevin
I thought you may be jealous of how he may handle the kids with a different ease or laughter, or perhaps steps into ‘your domain’ and then in your mind only he is doing a better job of parenting. Jealous of how I calm a crying child etc. I don’t know but I am left with trying to figure out how she thought and now I know for her only, we had too many (7). Don’t be jealous, we miss being at home to but must provide as well as protect.
Nicole
Thank you. I really needed this. I appreciate your positive perspective. I definitely have room to adopt it. It’s hard and it seems so unfair sometimes. But when I swipe the debit card for groceries, or make dr’s appointments for myself and baby, I have to remember, someone is out there working hard for us to have these things that we need. And when I look at that way, it makes me appreciate all that my husband does for our family. I truly thank God for that. Thanks again.
Laura
I felt this way as well. I think we all do when we have little ones.
Until I had a very eye opening talk with my husband.
He is responsible for our entire family! That is alot of stress.
My husband may not be the norm..but he doesn’t do many of those things you listed..so that he can come home and be with our family. He barely has time to sit. He wakes up at 5am to get a workout in.
He doesn’t have time to run errands or to enjoy silence..he deals with people all day long.
I get to be with people I like (most of the time) all day long. He works with many people he does not like, respect, etc..and he has to be there day in and day out. He sometimes has to work when he comes home and on weekends.
He doesn’t get a Jammie day or a day to go to the park.
He doesn’t get to snuggle on the couch and read books.
He may not even have time for lunch.
I am not trying to sound harsh or negate anyones feelings. Yes..having small kids at home is hard. But we are so blessed. We have it pretty good. I think as SAHM’s we can get lost in the sacrifices we make and forget the ones our husbands make.
And You can have all those things you listed..if you just reach out to him and ask for help. Most dads I know jump at the chance to spend time with their kids, they want to do bath time, they want to snuggle and wrestle and laugh and read. Especially if it gives their wife a break.
Claire
Thanks for this uplifting text. I was feeling low and a bit put upon, this really made me feel better understood and helped me put into my feelings into perspective. Especially as my husband is going on a fun trip without me and the kids. We will make our own fun ?
Natalie
So am I supposed to have gratitude in my heart when he gets to go out golfing every 2 weeks then spend the day at a sports bar and gets a 50 dollar allowance every week to spend on whatever he wants while not only do I homeschool during the day, but I work at McDonald’s from 9pm to 2:30 am so that we can afford our debt payments and God forbid he EVER go without his play money when I’m trying to pay rent on time or he’ll call his dad and have him give him money. Yes I am there for all those that you talk about. But my “me” time is going food shopping without the kids. I don’t have any friends that I can spend an entire day with away from the kids. We couldn’t afford it anyways if I did. His friend pays for everything they do.
SumitaMary
I chanced upon this while trying to google away my frustrations. I’m so glad I stumbled upon it . Usually I never comment but this is so what I needed. I realized that all my frustrations are jealousy. And somewhere deep it comforts me that I’m not alone in this(And I’m from India, strange way the Almighty works:) ). I was a SAHM, then started working as I thought being a SAHM was the reason of my frustrations. N now I get more frustrated as I’m absolutely left with no time for myself. From housework to getting the kids ready to helping them in their studies to making them go to bed. I need to do. Most of the time I enjoy but more often than needed it feels like a chore(I feel like a terrible mother). I’m jealous of my husband, he helps but if hes not upto it he can just leave.He has his own business so he can work anytime.I need to work my schedule around everyone’s schedule. Plus I’m not doing good at my work too. I can go on and on. But reading this article has out so many things in perspective.
Thank you.
Erin
I’m so glad this post gave you some perspective and encouragement. You are not alone in your feelings!
Carol
I’m not a stay at home mom, but I am jealous of my husband. I teach and work very long and stressful hours. He is self employed and picks and chooses when he wants to work, time he goes in etc. he has no real sense of responsibility. I even carry the insurance for him and my step kids ( now just one, but it was three kids for years.) and when a bill comes that the insurance doesn’t cover he throws a fit, which makes be feel even more crappy. Suggestions? I know we should be content in sell situations, but it’s hard when your spouse isn’t carrying the load.
Kayla
Thank you for this! I had a rough Momma day where I only got to get half dressed, literally wore a nice shirt and my pj pants all day. I had exciting intentions to do a 15 minute workout that my body was craving, but I never got 15 minutes without a fussy baby. I managed to make meals, but felt the growing responsibility of the house chores overwhelm me as the dishes grew around the chaos. My husband came home hungry and tired and my jealousy raged at his freedom to rest his feet. It raged on as he got to go potty alone. It has continued to grow throughout the night, until I desperately googled “jealousy of your husband” and came across this article that brought me back to center. It reminded me of the hard work my husband does also. It reminded me we are a team, not warring enemies. It reminded me that all mom’s have days like today…very hard days. Probably the biggest weight on my heart is the terrible feeling that I neglected my oldest as I cared for a super fussy teething baby nearly every second of this very long day. 🙁 I’m feeling like a failure in all areas..but! I am not, I’m trying to combat that lie. The truth is I am right in the midst of where God has me. I get to serve my sweet family through all life’s circumstances. I get to be my little guy’s comfort on his hard day. They are my joy and my husband is my rock and my love. I need not forget! Thank you for writing this article. It made me feel like I had a friend hugging me, encouraging me, exhorting me.
Sam
Sorry this was supposed to a comment not a reply
Well, your husband ( like mine) does have a better life and I expect them to be able to take better care of their health and well-being and thus look younger than us ,
They would get a secretary or an assistance to take care of the extra repetitive work and focus with the help of HR on efficiency and creating a more motivating atmosphere for work ,,,, we as moms and housekeepers don’t have these Privileges.. do we?
We only get a few praises alongside more criticism and less appreciation for our unpaid job
perhaps, we need them to help us more with the house chores , isn’t it physically demanding and men happen to be physically stronger ? Or they can pay extra money to get a helper or a nanny so we as “ Honored “ moms can get some quality rest and time for our bodies to recover from all the stress and fatigue , I am just being practical here ,,, the way men are also
practical
We need more help
Andrea
I’ll be honest. I needed this because I just had an argument with my husband about my jealousy that he even gets to go out and work plus have a social life when I don’t. I’m trying to focus on the brighter sides. And I need to considering I did just give birth to our second child not even a full month ago. This was definitely a perspective I didn’t even think of as an option until I read this though. So thank you for putting this perfectly
Erin
I’m glad you found it helpful. Congrats on the new baby.
Erin
I’m so glad you found it helpful!