For many, debt-free living is a huge goal. But paying yourself out of debt can take years. In the meantime, don’t forget to enjoy your life.
By Elsie Callender, Contributing Writer
Why can’t all our debt just go away?
I’ve wondered that, quietly or out loud, so many times in the six years since I graduated college.
My husband and I got married with tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt. Our incomes could hardly make a dent in the amount we owed. But I chose to see the glowing positive. If that was the price we had to pay for meeting each other within the first hour of student orientation, then so be it.
I also was wildly optimistic. I figured we would pay off our debt in five years, tops, and welcome a new baby into the world with a tidy savings account.
That hasn’t happened.
As time wore on and our debt shrank only slowly, I began to feel bitter. Also resentful. And trapped.
I was frustrated that we couldn’t seem to get ahead. All our hard-won earnings went straight to the government, paying for our past rather than building our future. I grew tired of being a renter. I desperately wanted a home of my own–something not too big and not too small, with plenty of cozy permanence.
Once we’re debt free, I told myself, our lives can really begin! We can actually start saving for a house and living abroad part time. We can have children without having to worry too much about finances. Maybe sometimes we’ll even stay in hotels when we go out of town, instead of peoples’ couches!
I prayed about our debt everyday, (please make it go away!), worked incessantly, and got all kinds of frustrated when our emergency fund would be depleted–again–for car repairs and medical bills.
My fondest wish was that we could be debt free.
I was fully aware that money can be an idol, but since we didn’t have much of it I didn’t think that was a problem. It took me years to realize that being debt free can be an idol, too.
In our Western Christian culture, we’ve elevated debt-free living to a level it shouldn’t be. We act like getting out of debt is next to godliness, and every Christian must be debt free or working towards it with all their might.
Now, I’m not saying that paying off debt isn’t an excellent goal, because it is. But God has taught me some priceless lessons in this season of life. I might not have learned them if it weren’t for our financial struggles.
It’s taken me six years, but I’m finally learning to thank God for our debt.
Through this process, my husband and I have learned so much about working together as a team, about stewardship of our resources, making a home with what we have, and about changing our expectations and learning to be flexible. Living with debt is a trial that’s refined us.
From right smack in the middle of paying off our debt (we’re just a little beyond the halfway point!), here are my biggest pieces of advice for others on the journey:
First off, don’t put your hope in financial stability.
Whether you’re in debt or living comfortably on the other side of it, your hope and security should be in God. Getting out of debt is not the thing that sets you free. You might not owe a cent to anyone, but if you put your hope in your finances then you are still trapped. Being in debt has taught me to rely on God, but I also know that even after we’re debt free, it can all be taken away in a moment. Finances aren’t constant, but God is.
Don’t put off having children … at least not too long!
I know the feeling. You want to be able to provide good things for your children, to be a little better off financially when you bring them into the world. You have to be wise and practical.
At the same time, children are an incredible blessing and a gift, and if you have the opportunity to have children don’t give that up lightly. Not to be too negative, but you just don’t know what the future will hold. Enjoy having children when you can–when your body is younger and your own parents have many years ahead of them to spend with your kids.
I wanted to be debt free when we started having children. Now that the journey is taking more time than I anticipated, I’m extremely glad we didn’t wait any longer than we did. We won’t pay off debt as quickly now because I’m working a lot less than I did pre-baby. Still, we’re confident that God’s timing was perfect.
Recognize and revel in the simple, ordinary pleasures that are all around you.
Ironically, living in want has taught me that we already have plenty. It’s an on-going process, but I’m learning to fully savor the simple, everyday pleasures of my routine, to be content with what I have at this moment, and to practice living more abundantly on a daily basis. Life is rich, regardless of the size of your bank account.
Spend a little, sometimes.
Yes, absolutely, make a budget and stick to it! It’s extremely hard to get out of debt (or stay out) if you don’t have a budget. However, we’ve found that it’s healthy to do some mindful, not-strictly-necessary spending upon occasion. We’ve continued to go on regular date nights because we’ve seen how beneficial they are for our marriage. We spent money on a road trip and on a babymoon that we knew we wanted to do with just the two of us, pre-kids. Certainly, we won’t have those opportunities again for a while! We would be further along on our debt timeline if we hadn’t made these and other purchases. However, I don’t regret the money we’ve spent when we took an intentional, considered approach.
With all the things I’ve learned about stewardship and contentment, I still wish we were out of debt. When we make our final payment, you can bet we’ll celebrate! But, by God’s grace, I’m also willing and ready to see what else He has to teach me on this second half of our debt-free journey.
I know I have more to learn.
Amanda
Bless you! I needed to read this!
Elsie
Thank you!
Brigette
Thank you so much! I needed to hear this so bad…all of it! I seriously can’t thank you enough, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders!
Elsie
Brigette, I’m so glad! I’m glad it encouraged you–and your comment encourages me!
Becca
I think you’re being very harsh there. We’re also debt free and our finances are at a comfortable level; so don’t get your knickers in a knot and start calling me a part of the problem. I don’t mind it in the least if someone needs government support. They aren’t “leeches,” they are people.
In my opinion, as an American who now lives in a highly-functional socialist country, a big part of most Americans’ money problems is that the government doesn’t do nearly enough. We will never have to worry about filing for medical bankruptcy, because of socialised health care. My kids will never have to worry about their university debt, because of a government loans scheme that will lend them money for university which they will then repay when they are making enough money to be able to do so, comfortably (no, “You graduated six months ago and so what if you’re still making minimum wage, you’ve got to pony up for this starting now!”) Oh wait – I can hear your fingers going now – “But you pay higher taxes!” The truth is, no, not really; my wages at my old job were more than twice as high as they would’ve been for the same job in the US but my tax rate was around 15%, and we don’t have city, county, or state taxes – but even if we do, so what, when we get so much more for them? What do you get for your taxes? A war you can’t win in Afghanistan. What do we get for ours? Medical care, education, a generous safety net, and, as a society, the idea that people who need help are still people, not spineless blood-suckers who just want to feed off you. (In other words, a kinder, more gentler, and – despite being a highly secular country – far more Christian nation.)
Check your privilege at the door, Rebecca, and ask what you can do to make your world a better place, instead of denouncing those who are struggling as less-than-human.
Becca
First, let me say that living abroad isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’m an American who has been living abroad now for about half my life; and I love where I live. But if you’re actually immigrating, it takes about 4 years to feel like you’re “home” – and it’s not an easy four years; and even then, there are often times when you feel like you’ve made a horrible mistake. (I’ve learned to just ride them out. They go away. And anyway, the US would no longer feel like “home” to me either.) If you’re just living overseas for a part of the year, well, you’ve got the worst of both worlds – it’s just long enough to understand that you really do not understand a thing about this place you’re in; but it’s also long enough that you still have to deal with all the mundane nonsense of living: “We need toilet paper, and what do you feel like for dinner?” Far better to just go on a vacation – you don’t have to worry about the mundane nonsense of living; and you’re there just long enough to leave with the arrogance of thinking you actually understand the place (I call that “Culture Lite” and it’s really a very enjoyable feeling).
Secondly, being debt-free is awesome. But you don’t automatically stop worrying about money. We’re finally in a place where I am not worried about money; but it’s taken a very large amount of savings for me to feel this way. But we still don’t go out and buy whatever we want whenever we want it. Unless you’re filthy rich – like, Bill Gates rich – you still have to make choices about your money. It’s not a matter of, “Ooooh, I’ve got no debt, so now I can go hire that yacht off the coast of Italy.” It’s more like, “Hmmm, if we eat ramen for a month, we should be able to go to Italy in the off-season, and maybe we can find a fisherman with a leaky tin-can of a boat who will take us out for an hour or so.”
Finally, as the saying goes, life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. I have a friend who, in the 9 years I’ve known her, is always telling me that when X happens, then she can start living. Inevitably X happens and she decides she really needs Y. She can’t see the wonderful things in her life because she’s always waiting for the next thing to happen, to make it all complete. Life is messy. Life is never perfect. But life is also beautiful. So grab on with both hands, do your best, be kind, and don’t look back, or you’ll miss out on the best bits of living.
Elsie
Thanks for your comments! That’s interesting…and a good reality check! Our desire is to do something in-between with the living abroad–longer and more rooted than a typical vacation, but not living there any kind of longterm. We’d probably live in another country for 4-8 weeks, living in one city and taking day trips from there. That way we can have a slower pace than the typical vacay, but not have to completely replant and leave our job in the States. (My husband is a teacher, so the idea is to do this during the summer!) But I do know that culture shock can be a meanie. I lived in other countries for a few years in high school, and it took a long time for them to feel like home.
I love what you say about life being messy + never perfect + beautiful. That is so true! It’s all that, and we do have to live deeply where we are…wherever we are!
Elsie
Thanks for your thoughts, Rebecca! I definitely agree that parents should always work hard to provide for their children–and not assume or plan for other people to take responsibility. I also think that it’s the government’s AND the Church’s job to take care of people…but exactly what that looks like (because it’s not necessarily meeting financial needs) is a much longer post that I’m not equipped to write right now!
Jenny
Thanks for this post, for your input on the topic, I found that while in debt I have learned to make better choices when it comes to buying wants I don’t go crazy on clearance racks, I just simply wait for a great deal one something I love, and I am happy with one item versus five, I learned that less is more, I don’t have as much clutter of spur of the moment items I would buy, we go eat at healthier restaurants even if we eat out less. We learned that being together as a family anywhere creates beautiful memories, we spend more time together now that we don’t go shopping all the time with no purpose like we used to. We also contemplate being out of debt but we are happy in the process of getting out.
Elsie
YES! This all rings true. It’s what I’ve learned and discovered, too!
Meghan
It’s clear you are very intentional with what God has given you and are frugal. I think the key is to not go further into debt and to live below your means. One amazing gift of being debt free is we have so much income to give. In addition to our regular monthly giving, anytime a need of others’ arises or our hearts are moved, we can freely give since we don’t have to budget for debt payments.
Elsie
You’re right–that is key! We’re hoping that we’ll be so practiced in living below our means that we’ll continue to do so, even after we’re out of debt! I do want to be able to give more, and I look forward to doing that when we’re debt free. Interestingly, we’ve also found that even now, when we give to a need that arises, God ALWAYS provides for us and we have the money available to give. I don’t know how that happens, but it does(:
Jessica Smartt
This is so, so good, Elsie. I loved every word of it! 🙂
Robin
Hello Elsie,
I really enjoyed reading this post and I needed it also. We are in the process of paying off the last 2 years of our mortgage. I want to retire in May when I turn 62. This is my goal from now till May 2017 to pay this off. This has to be paid off before I retire. Of course I am trusting God for this, I know with out God’s help it is not going to happen and will only happen if it is his will for us at this time.
Thank you again for writing this post am sure at has helped so many other people in debt.
God Bless You
Robin
Morgan Myers
Thank you so much for this.
Erin
You’re welcome.
Rachel
Love this post! We’re also on our debt free journey, but trying to enjoy each day as it is a gift, whether in debt or debt free. Love this reminder that God teaches us different things in different seasons. I’ve found the best way to live more frugally is to learn to be thankful and content with what the Lord has already blessed us with. He is always faithful to provide! I love learning to live more intentionally, and budgeting (which isn’t a ton of fun, lol) is actually a wonderful tool to help do that. This post is a great reminder to live in the present and not wait until “this or that” comes to be. Thank you!