Healthy YouTo nursing mamas everywhere, it’s time we get off our phones and start paying attention to the baby who’s right in front of us! I now see using smart phones while nursing as one of a breastfeeding mom’s biggest distractions and, dare I say, one of the biggest obstacles to mother-baby bonding as well.
This post is part of the Breast-Kept Secrets: Breastfeeding Advice from One Mom to Another series.
When I first started breastfeeding my now 5 year old in June of 2008, it was all I could do to hold her correctly on my pink-and-brown-polka-dotted-covered Boppy pillow.
Breastfeeding in the beginning was a struggle. And I clearly remember the onslaught of phone calls from well-wishing friends and family who wanted to check on my adjustment to first-time motherhood.
Back then, I just let the phone ring.
I had one of those phones where I had to click on the number so many times to pull up the letters (a flip phone, maybe?), so I mostly let the text messages go unanswered as well.
My husband and I had just signed up for text messaging servicing the day before our baby’s birth–in hopes of notifying family when we were at the hospital (without having to make a bazillion phone calls en route). I just didn’t have the hang of texting while nursing. And, truly, I could barely balance my baby and a breastfeeding book–much less a baby and a cell phone.
Fast forward five years.
I’ve now nursed three babies a total of 52 months (and counting), and around my second daughter’s 6th month of life, I got a smart phone.
Quite honestly, I had laughed at smart phones before that. I call myself technologically clueless, and I imagined I could never, ever figure out how to use one!
But my job at the time paid for it, so I began using it.
Before I knew it, I was spending my time nursing my daughter chatting it up with friends via text messaging, following along with acquaintances via Facebook and answering work emails.
Sure, I was holding my sweet babe. But were we truly bonding?
I now see using smartphones while nursing as one of a breastfeeding mom’s biggest distractions and, dare I say, one of the biggest obstacles to mother-baby bonding as well.
Honestly? My heart hurts for new moms who know no different than spending their time nursing while surfing the web. I’m thankful I had the experience of nursing my first child without a smart phone.
I often tire of the breast vs. bottle debate. Yes, quite obviously I’m a huge advocate of breastfeeding.
But really, moms. Really. At least the bottle feeding moms have to get off their phones to make their bottles and hold them to their babies’ mouths. I would think balancing a bottle and a cell phone don’t quite mix.
Think about it: Traditionally, breastfeeding is a bonding time for the mother and baby.
My husband’s family has never been super keen on me breastfeeding (although his immediate family has become more and more open to it over the years!), and I remember actually looking forward to the times my oldest daughter and I had alone in the back room of a relative’s house where I nursed her in private so as to not offend anyone in the group setting.
It was my time to rest, our time to cuddle–the time where her attention was fully on me, and my attention was 100 percent, fully on her.
What’s sad is that I feel I’ve nearly missed this with my youngest. It didn’t hit me until sometime this past month–the month she turned 1–that I’ve spent the majority of her nursing days on my cell phone.
Gulp. Yes, this is confession time.
Oh, it’s been an excuse, really.
So I’m on Facebook again? Well, I’m just passing the time away while nursing.
Passing the time away? Why would I have wanted to just pass that time away? That time and this season are simply much too fleeting as it is.
But I’m working.
Work can wait.
When I think back to the time when I worked as a first-time mom, I couldn’t get through the days fast enough. I rushed to the sitter’s house and savored that sweet afternoon nursing session with my babe who I hadn’t seen all day.
The problem with working at home is that–sometimes–people like me mix being physically there with being emotionally present. The two are not one in the same.
And as my oldest daughter turned 5 this past summer and we decided to wait until next year to formally start school with her, I’ve become keenly aware that time is not slowing down. My girls are growing up–no matter how much I’d like them to just stay little longer–long enough for me to adjust to this thing called motherhood that I feel I flounder in so often.
My goal is to nurse Baby Girl another year. That very first baby of mine nursed for two, and her sister nursed 18 months.
And so I’m making it a priority now to get off my phone while I’m nursing her. Even at 1, she knows. She knows when Mommy is paying her attention, and she knows when Mommy is just feeding her.
I want to relish this time. I want to hold her sweet little hand, watch her eyes dance during let-down and wipe away dribbles of milk when she unlatches and gives me her big toothy grin.
I don’t want to miss another minute. I’ve already missed too much. My friendships may suffer. My blog may go without updates. But my babies…my babies will know that Mama has their full attention.
Has your cell phone ever distracted you while breastfeeding? What do you see as a breastfeeding mom’s biggest distraction?
Mary@The Encouraging Home
LOVE this post!! I am past the nursing babies stage, but this is still a convicting post. As a homeschooling mom and work at home mom, it is easy to be there physically but mentally somewhere else. Oh the days I have tucked them in bed and think…what quality did we really have today? We were together all day long, but I was so busy. Thanks for the reminder and enjoy those sweet babes!!
Julie
This is a super convicting read…as, guess what, I am reading this on my phone while nursing. I’ve often felt lately that I need to put my phone down. Is it really beneficial to blindly read Facebook every time the baby nurses? No, but I seem to do it anyway. I’m pinning this and will come back to it when I need a reminder. Thanks!
Amy @ {Life to the Full}
I have a non-smart phone and it STILL manages to distract me during the day. Very convicting post – thank you for sharing!
Hannah G.
I am guilty of doing this alot. They are only babies for a very short time and as soon as I blink my eye he will be grown! On a side note: My son is 12 months old and still not sleeping through the night. He probably wakes up probably 5-6 a night to nurse still. Any advice on getting him to sleep for at least 7-8 hours straight?
Naomi M
Hannah,
I don’t know if this will help or not, but this is what has worked 3 times for me so far. I simply bring him to bed with me and nurse and we both sleep. My babies would still wake up more than I thought necessary, but in time it seemed that sleeping with me actually trained them to sleep without all the crying. My youngest is 10 mo and sleeps most of the night. I had milk supply issues with all 3 of mine, so he gets a bottle of homemade formula now and has that instead of nursing at night. (Yes, bottles in bed is advised against, but it helps him sleep and so far none of my children have cavities from having a bottle in bed with them).
Not sure if this is at all helpful, but it’s what worked for us. 🙂 I hope you can both start getting more rest. 🙂
Julie
Hi, I don’t know if you realize this but nursing at night really helps to increase your milk supply. I wonder if the supplemental formula might be more beneficial during the day? I find the easiest time to nurse my baby is in the middle of the night. I think having to prepare a bottle in the middle of the night would be a lot harder. At least that’s what I remember from bottle feeding my oldest. Of course, you very well may have other issues that I don’t know about so… Anyway, I just thought I’d mention that nursing at night actually helps increase your supply so if you’re having supply issues, it’s probably better to nurse at night rather than bottle feed.
Oh, and how cool that you make your own formula. If I ever had to formula feed again I’d love to be able to make my own. 🙂
Hannah G.
He actually does sleep with us, which helps alot because I don’t have to fully wake up and get out of bed! And yes, nursing at night does help keep up my supply!
Diana
At 12 months my son was still waking once or twice in the night to eat; he woke at least once to eat all the way till 15 or 16 months when his molars finally came in.
He didn’t do well with solid proteins (that actually need to be chewed) until his molars were there, but once he could chew the food he actually started getting enough to eat during the day. I think he was just hungry in the night because he didn’t get enough calories in the day. When he did get enough, it was no battle to get him to sleep longer.
Your situation may be different–maybe your son is comfort nursing instead of nutritional nursing–but it’s something to consider 🙂 If he actually needs the extra milk because he can’t get it all during daytime hours (due to your supply or maybe he just does better with a little at a time?) it might not be worth it to fight that battle yet. Or consider supplementing with high calorie good foods during the day (avocado, coconut oil, nut butters, oats, etc.) and see if it helps? It’s so hard when the night waking has been going on for soooooo long! Hang in there 🙂
Hannah G.
This is comforting to know he’s not the only older baby that still wakes through the night! I think he nurses mostly for comfort because he doesn’t take a pacifier or any other kind of “security” item, but it probably would help to increase his meals and snacks through the day to see if that might cut down a couple of those night time feedings! Most babies I know other than my own were sleeping through the night at 3 or 4 months and at the latest 6 months, so I thought I might be doing something wrong if he’s a year old and still doesn’t sleep all the way through! Thanks for the advice!
Mary
My DD is almost 13 months and still wakes 1-3 times per night. She actually slept fairly well 5-6 hours) up until about 6 months. Then we took an extended trip, she started teething, and we moved all within a month. She never got her groove back. It is very hard, and we are tired, but it’s totally normal. Do what works for your family. We have her in bed sometimes, just so we can get sleep…it’s a stage that goes by so quickly. My son never slept through consistently until 11-12 months, and he is a champion sleeper now for about 90% of the time.
Leah
My now 2 1/2 year old didn’t start sleeping through the night until he got his year molars in (teething was a rough time for us!) at about 15 months. But now he sleeps a good 10-12 hours almost every night! We tried SO many different methods and were so discouraged but I think some kids just take more time. Hope that encourages you!
Erin
Oh that is so hard! 🙁 Thanks for sharing with the community!
had known
AFAIC that’s the best answer so far!
Shannon
Literally doing this exact thing while reading this. I’ve thought about this lately, and I’m okay with breast feeding and multitasking. I think sometimes we have such incredibly high standards for ourselves and especially with the incredible responsibility of mothering our precious children. For me and my family time management deeply aids in the peace and function in our home. So checking my email and Googling queries while I nurse and go to the bathroom (!) actually helps me to be present with my older children AND my baby!
Lisa
Hi!
Thank you for such a great article! I totally understand this.
I have nursed all of my children too, ages 7, 5, and now 1. I am still nursing the 1 year old. Yes, I do use a smart phone, and iPad, but only after she is deep asleep. The light wakes her up at night, and she really does know when I am not 100% tuned into her, too. I love looking into her eyes and telling her sweet things as she breastfeeds, we are surely bonding and connecting when she is awake, and even just asleep. It’s one of the best experiences I have ever experienced with each of my children.
Before I had my electronics, I would sometimes read a book or watch TV while nursing them. I know for sure that I have bonded with my children in a healthy way and I am so happy for that. Honestly, I wouldn’t change our experiences.
Naomi M
I am soooo guilty of this! Not the phone, the computer. I am sad that I spent so much time surfing the ‘net while nursing, especially since nursing was cut short due to weight problems and low milk supply. 🙁 I hope to spend more time enjoying the baby if/when God should bless us again.
Nicole
On the flip side, I’m currently nursing baby #3, and I think that having a smart phone this time has actually HELPED me with nursing! Here’s a guilty confession: even though breastfeeding is really important to me, I tend to get bored and I think that contributed to me nursing less often and for shorter feedings with my first two. I think that was a factor in my low milk supply issues for the first two (definitely not the only factor…but one of them). This time around, I find that I so look forward to my “alone time” nursing because I can catch up on news, read books through my Kindle app, read email and stay connected with my friends through texting. As a result, I’ve definitely allowed baby #3 to spend more time at the breast then the first two babies did.
Maybe it’s not the best solution for everyone, but it works for me. I think the most important thing though, is that it’s an issue that I’ve thought about and consciously decided is okay for me to do. And I do make an effort to spend time talking to and playing with all my babies phone-free during the day 🙂
Heidi
I agree with you!
Siné
This is such a good reminder as I approach the arrival of my next baby. I do a really good job of being present during the newborn stage but I tend to want to use the computer while nursing when baby gets a bit older and we have a good rhythm going. This is definitely a good reminder to make an effort to be present during all stages of the nursing relationship. Thank you!
Meagan
This article really hurt my feelings- I totally was on my iphone all.the.time while nursing DD2.
I get that this is a fleeting time that you should be staring into your babies eyes and bonding. But honestly- nursing is the ONLY break I got from holding a screaming, refluxing infant. (and I use the term “break” loosely here) Add PPD and the severe social isolation due to her reflux issues, it was the ONLY time during that 9 month HE!! that I was able to connect with anyone on any sort of level at all- if DD wasn’t screaming, I was sleeping- period. And well, the attitude of the piece is so hurtful to me, I guess that it brings up such a hard time for me where I was just coping day to day and telling me that I was being selfish for using my phone during nursing sessions, is just well- makes me want to cry.
That is it.
Lexie
Meagan, don’t let an article hurt your feelings. I think you being on the phone nursing is totally fine (in your circumstance). I also found nursing was the only real “break” I got and I would often just lean my head back and close my eyes! And I’m totally ok with that and feel no guilt for it. 🙂
Julie
I think I needed to hear that. I spend A LOT of time, not on my phone because I don’t have a smart phone, but on my computer. Used to be my laptop but it died recently. So now I prop my 11 month old partially with her bottom on the desk and holder her while I’m nursing. I have to say I’ve been really bad about trying to earn swagbucks. I wish I had a supplemental income but I don’t and we could *really* use some help financially. My hubby is a *wonderful* man, a great father most of the time but the silly thing is his father was an accountant who never taught his son how to manage money. My hubby also has ADHD (never diagnosed, but *believe me* anyone can see that he does) and is still very impulsive… that includes spending money.
I was raised by a very money conscious step-father who had to work hard to combat my mother’s lack of money skills. He taught me very early on to save, work hard and pay my bills as soon as they come in. It’s really embarrassing for me that we can’t pay our bills on time or pay for the things we’ve committed to. Like desperately needed speech therapy for our son or American Heritage Girls registration and yearly fees. Our older daughter almost quit AHG this year because she realized how stressful and expensive it is when you haven’t budgeted for it after she took a Dave Ramsey teen course. I wear raggedy, thread bare, cheap, frumpy clothing because I can’t bring myself to spend money on my wardrobe when there are so many other things we owe on and children to clothe. I have one pair of capri pants. One. I hope I can find some way to buy some pants for winter before it gets cold. Luckily it’s basically still summer here. I guess God is holding off on the cooler weather just for me.lol. Hubby is hard on his clothes and shoes so he constantly has to be buying new ones. Right now we owe money to renew my husband’s driver’s license, speech therapy for this semester, the Comcast bill (internet only- I stopped paying for cable about 19 year ago. Too expensive.), city water bill, and a few other things hubby listed. Bills that have been sitting there, waiting till the last minute to be paid.
Anyway, I know I need to get off the computer, especially when I get sucked in to facebook, thought I’ve been working really hard to curtail the amount of time I’m on it recently. But I still feel the need to try to pitch in and help. We have three birthdays at the end of the month and Christmas to plan for. Even a few small gifts are going to be difficult to save up for and our oldest daughter is planning on getting married next May and I don’t think there’s any way we’ll be able to buy the plane tickets to fly out there, much less help her pay for it. I feel so stuck and embarrassed. I’m so grateful she finally found a job and is saving up for it herself.
You’re completely right though. So many moms, myself included, spend way too much time looking at a screen rather than our babies. You know what’s really strange though? My last two babies *really* hate(d) being touched or looked at much while they’re nursing. My youngest (11months) is a perfectly happy, smiling baby afterward but she doesn’t want human contact while nursing. So weird. She even pushes away from me while nursing sometimes like she doesn’t want any personal contact with me. I don’t know what that means. I just hope she’s okay.
Julie
Ugh! Sorry about the typos.
Ellen
I understand the point here and appreciate the reminder to savour these moments.
On the other hand, I do find it harsh to say that it is categorically wrong for a mother to focus attention on something else during breast feeding, whether it is a book or a phone.
In all my reading about breast feeding, I’ve seen the following activities mentioned, all from days before smart phones: breast feeding while reading books, while reading to older children, while homeschooling older children, in some cultures feeding in a sling while working in the fields, feeding in a sling/carrier while making dinner, feeding while visiting with friends, feeding while sleeping… the list goes on. Gazing into baby’s eyes is not the only historical precedent for occupying oneself during breast feeding.
I have highly valued breast feeding as a chance to connect with my babies. But I think that what a mother chooses to do while breast feeding has to be taken in context of the rest of her day. You mention rushing home from work for a time of connection while feeding your baby. Great. But you were away from her all day, whereas another mother may be having other significant connection times with her baby and other children and so look forward to breast feeding as a time of quiet when she can take a little mental break. Or maybe she cuddles and attaches at night feedings, but is an academic who misses reading time, a Christian desiring more time to read her Bible, or a self-employed blogger trying to help support her family – these are valid uses of breast feeding time. I have friends who have watched shows during breast feeding purely to distract from the discomfort (and yes, they had seen lactation consultants – sometimes it hurts, for various reasons).
I am not saying either is right or wrong – I understand why you feel this way and I appreciate the reminder to be present in the moments we have with our children. But please do not add to the guilt many mamas carry by making a blanket statement about this. As I homeschool my older children, I am rarely on my phone or otherwise personally occupied throughout the day. You can bet that when our next little one arrives in March, there will be some creative use of breast feeding time, along with the cuddles and baby-bonding. And that is 100% valid. So many parenting preferences are best understood in context, on a case by case basis.
Jacque
Thank you so much for this loving and convicting post. I am nursing my 6 month old and I certainly “pass the time” on my phone. Time to put it down. Thank you. 🙂
lyss
I totally get your point…I’m sure I spent too much time on the computer(no smart phone here) while nursing. I’m curious how long your babies take to nurse, though. My first took an hour each time. And initially, she nursed every 2 1/2- 3 hrs. That meant often only 1 1/2 hours of “free” time before another hour of sitting with her. Literally more than a third of my day was spent nursing. If I did nothing but sit there and look at her, I felt like I was wasting a ton of time! I just saw reading as multitasking.
I admit I didn’t really feel like I bonded with my babies very well. I was too sleep deprived to enjoy them. Things are much better now that they’re a bit older. Maybe I should have spent my nursing time differently, I don’t know. I probably should have spent more of the time praying and reading my Bible rather than reading blogs…
Hannah R
Great Post! I was reading it while….BREASTFEEDING! I will do better at connecting with my little man while he eats from now on. Glad to have this admonishment with my first!
Anne @Authentic Simplicity
It’s always good to be reminded to be physically and emotionally present with your kids, no matter the activity. I always read while nursing and will more than likely do so again if I have another, but I have caught myself focusing on my phone or computer instead of being actively involved with my children. Great reminder!
Katie Hamilton
okay so you officialy have some of the CUTEST KIDS!!!! :):):):) you are ONE BLESSED MAMMA!!!
Andrea @the Distracted Housewife.com
Such a good reminder. I do this too often. However I did find having my phone beneficial the other day when my son was nursing and “honking” my nose. He thought it was hilarious and kept laughing so hard he would come unlatched catch his breath and relatch only to “honk” my nose some more. Of course I used my phone to catch a video and I have watched it an laughed again and again. So I agree that the phones need to be put down but every now and then they can be ok.
Megan
Another article that shames mothers for their choices. I totally get what you are saying, but there has to be another way.
charis
i have nursed for 10 years, 5 kids, and am currently pregnant with #6 and nursing #5. i tandem nursed for a year two of my kids.
many times the only time i could send my husband a text or say hi to my mom on the phone was when i was nursing… with 5 boys it is very loud in the house. i am committed to being focused with our kids – part of why we choose to not have a tv. however, i think this is great if it helps you, but not everyone’s situation is the same. i agree with an above comment that i have homeschooled while nursing, i have taught at a homeschool co-op to other kids while nursing, i have counseled people in our ministry during nursing, i have worked out my kids’ disputes while nursing, i have led a worship practice while nursing, read my bible while nursing, i have looked at facebook during nursing… and many other things.
some things are so different than my first child simply because i have 4 other little people in my life besides the one i am nursing, a baby in the belly, a husband, besides other things in life. sure we shouldn’t ignore our kids and replace it with social media, but i don’t believe doing something else while nursing necessarily means someone is doing that. this would be an encouragement and good conviction to some moms i know. this would be a burden unnecessarily placed on other moms i know. it just depends on the situation you are in and what God is doing with you in your season of life. it is great to look in my baby’s eyes while nursing, but it just isn’t realistic to do that every 2 hours for 1/2 hour at a time around the clock with a large family. i trust your intent was good, i would just suggest to take in mind others’ situations.
Rachel
Thank you so much for posting this. I personally have felt convicted about letting my phone distract me lately while nursing, and reading this post is just what I needed to really make it sink in and commit to not bringing my phone in the room to nurse as the norm.
Beth
I used to wonder why I never felt the amazing bonding time some people refer to when they talk about breastfeeding (not that I hate it, I am just not one of those moms who wish it would never end). Then I realized that some people have babies who are actually awake while they are eating! Some of us really need a book, or a nap, or something during those marathon feeds of a peacefully snoozing kiddo 🙂
Sara
I always thought because I was either posting about my sweet boy or reading about making myself and his life better, that its not a big deal. As I was reading this I was in fact breastfeeding. I stopped to look at him and he was staring at the back of my phone. That broke my heart.
Thank you for this. <3
Jesse May
I needed this! I considered my “multi-tasking” as a good use of time, but this post definitely puts things in a different light! Thank you!
Shannon
I think God was trying to tell me something and this blog confirmed it… my son is only a month old and it did feel like my phone was taking up that valuable time but I didn’t think it was a big deal.
I’m glad I found this blog and I get the message! 🙂 time to switch of the phone while feeding 🙂
Sarah Eddins
Reading posts like this make me content to continue on with my old dumb phone. I’m distracted enough during the day {the part about being physically present but not emotionally available really hit the nail on the head with me} with just the computer and I have a strong suspicion that a smart phone would only add to that. Great post and applicable to all mom!! 🙂
Theresa
I agree! I was just thinking this the other day. I ALWAYS grab my phone when I am BFing, and just lately have been thinking maybe I shouldn’t be. Great article! Never again will I check my phone when I am BFing. The time we have is precious!
Tee B
Anyone see the promo code for the free Nursing Pillow? Is this a scam? I just ordered mine and paid $12.95 for shipping and was given another promo code to use for free Baby Legs, a free Udder Cover, and a few other things. Seems a little fishy to me and I’m starting to wonder if I got taken.
Erin
It’s not a scam, Tee, but shipping is pricey. I would only order stuff you normally would want to order anyway. I don’t know about the Baby Legs. That must be something new they are offering. Hope you love your cover! Those can be upwards of $50 at regular price!
Debra C
With my first, I used to spend a lot of time on the computer. But I spent so much time with her during the day that I don’t feel like it interfered with our bonding. When my second was born, I was working, so I had MUCH less time with him. So whenever I tried to do anything on the computer while nursing him, he would kick or hit the laptop until I moved it away. The only time I was able to read a book or anything was when he nursed in the middle of the night, since he would fall asleep for about half of it. Most of the time, I didn’t really mind though. Whenever I really thought about it, he was right, despite only being a few months old. It was our special time and I needed to keep it between us. My next is due in April and I’m hoping I can remember this lesson then.
Karen
I’m glad that you are seeking what feels like the right nursing style for you and your little one! I do think you’re harsh on a group of women who are already struggling, though. Nursing is a special blessing, but it’s also a full time job for a lot of new moms. Let them figure it out on their own. Each little nursling will have different needs while they breastfeed. I don’t think you’re wrong – for you. But don’t weigh down others who are already feeling overwhelmed.
Erin
Thanks for the input, Karen. I have to ask: Have you ever read my site before? Those who read it regularly see that I am NOT about guilt and all about embracing grace. However, I believe educating people and putting out a challenge is worthwhile and shouldn’t be avoided if it’s an issue that’s really important. There’s a difference between guilt and conviction. I hope my entire breastfeeding series helped new moms–because I know “figuring it out on your own” is often a lot harder than it sounds.
Michelle
Before you feel guilty, and bring up feelings of guilt in others, think about the past. In the past mothers had more social support when their babes were young. They would nurse while sitting around preparing food with a group of other women in their tribe. Did they worry that they weren’t focused enough on their baby? No. Did they bond with their babies? Yes, and each other. Women today are isolated and smart phones, facebook, bloggers is a way to cope with that isolation. I think this idea that our children need our full attention to be loved is not right. Have you read the continuum concept? It’s fascinating. In older cultures, yes babies were physically attached to someone most of the time, through cosleeping, baby wearing etc, but they were also largely ignored and content to just watch what was going around them and this was really good for their development. Young babies can find excessive eye contact quite overwhelming and tiring. Mums, if you are sitting and breast feeding and multitasking, you have nothing to feel bad about and nor should you change your behaviour because of someone else’s view. There is enough pressure on mums as it is, but now we also have to judge ourselves on whether we are appreciating and enjoying what can be a really tough time in our lives as well. How about we take a moment to cut ourselves some slack and appreciate what an awesomely difficult thing it is to be a mother in an isolated culture?
Sarah Wilson
I agree wholeheartedly with everything you have written Michelle. And the Continuum Concept is a great read.
Christine
Thank you for sharing your perspective Michelle. I liked reading the article and seeing both sides. I don’t think I could have breastfed as long as I have without using my smartphone as an outlet. I see the value of both sides. Although I do make the effort to dedicate distraction free nursing sessions, it’s unrealistic to completely focus on baby during my 1 to 2 hour feeding sessions. I much rather strike a balance to keep my sanity. I’ve been able to learn so much from just researching things on my phone. As long as we do our best to take care of ourselves and our babies then there’s nothing to feel bad about.
Erin
Hi Christine,
Thanks so much for commenting. I wrote this post a really log time ago and really ought to update it with my thoughts now. Your words really resonate with me after having nursed 4 babies now (and my “baby” #4 just turned 4–awww–to go back to those sweet days ago!). Thanks so much for your feedback!!
nasrst
I have a three month old and I too am guilty of surfing whilst breastfeeding but what I’m really concerned about is whether its doing harm to my daughter from the radiation?
Erin
You know–I have wondered this very same thing. I am not sure, but it doesn’t hurt to be safer than sorry.
Destiny
*sigh* I had such an addiction to my smart phone during my daughter’s first few months of life. I have so much guilt about it. Her first five months of life passed in a blur of compulsive internet use and postpartum depression. Instead of remembering sweet baby cuddles I remember refreshing Facebook over and over and over and wishing someone would reach out to help me. To make a long story short, I gave my life back to God after years of trying to make my own way. Now I savor every moment with my little girl. We actively bond. My breastfeeding problems are gone, and I’m in love with being a mother. Now I still bring it out sometimes, but only after she falls asleep or if I have nothing else to read. Thank you for posting this and for your own admonition. Hopefully it will encourage other new moms to look at what truly matters (at least the majority of the time – a little bit of socialization and reading is good!)
Erin
I definitely struggled with this as well, Destiny–as well as PPD. Give yourself grace, let go of the guilt–and praise God you have found him again!
Jenny
Awesome post. This will date me (42 years old) but I realized I spent alot of my nursing time, or diaper changing time on my cordless phone when my older girls were babies. As soon as the battery died on those cordless phones, we replaced them with phones that had to be plugged into the wall…yes! the “old fashioned” kind. Those phones (we still have them) make the now 16 year old cringe because we are the only people on earth who still have corded phones in our home, but I do not regret that decision. And yes, it’s so easy now to just grab my phone as I nurse the baby. But I remember why I gave up cordless phones all those years ago and put down my smart phone when I have the chance to nurse my sweet 2 year old.
Heather
While this is a well written article and I think your points are valid. I have to agree with a lot of the previous comments. I have 2 kids and currently nursing my 5 month old. I definitely nurse longer and more often. I also suffer from ppd and when my milk let’s down I feel a huge sense of anxiety/similar to a panic attack so browsing my phone or reading helps a lot. That being said I try to only use it when I especially feel anxious because I do see how great bonding during bf is. I’m more guilty of sometimes being on my phone when my 2 year old is awake.
Erin
Thanks for sharing, Heather. I had PPD with my second. I hope you find healing from PPD soon.
Jamie
thank you so much for this I really needed to hear it! though when I was nursing my second who is now almost 5 (in just a couple weeks) I also did not have a smart phone yet, in fact I just got one in the last year and I do not have any babies right now but we are TTC! currently my phone is a distraction and it’s something that I’ve been praying about however this really sealed the deal for me especially knowing that it would be a huge temptation when baby finally is here to want to “pass the time” when really we’ve been trying for almost a year to get pregnant and why would I want to let any of that precious time pass for something we have been praying for so long about? thank you and I know you don’t know me but prayers are appreciated for God’s timing and His will for our family as we try to have another baby.
Erin
I will pray right now that God will give you that baby you so desire, Jamie!! Best wishes on TTC!!!
Leslie Johnson
My daughter, who turns 1 in less than a month, will bat the phone or tablet out of my hands if I try to get on while breastfeeding. She wants my undivided attention, and deserves it. I’I’ve learned to take that time for just her and me. You’re right in saying it’s important bonding time. I relish each and every moment we spend bonding. Especially when breastfeeding. Thank you for this wonderful post. I love reading your blog. You are so insightful. Sharing your journey in motherhood has helped me feel not so helpless and like a failure at times.
Leah
When my daughter was 2 weeks old, my husband deployed for 3 months. I was on the other side of the world from my family, and had no support. I was isolated and lonely. Nursing was so hard for us. Painful, awkward. My daughter wasn’t gaining enough weight. Even so we persevered for 15 months. But back in those early days, surfing the web kept me sane and connected to the outside world for those 7-10 hours a day that I nursed. I cannot fathom how I could have spent ALL that time doing nothing but stare into her eyes. That seems like an unfair expectations. Before iPhones, didn’t moms read books, watch tv, read a magazine or cook? How is surfing the web any different? I feel totally crappy after reading this article. But I would do it all over again and still use my phone. Aren’t there enough things out there to make us moms feel guilty?
Erin
Hi Leah,
I’m so sorry it made you feel crappy. That wasn’t my intent at all. 🙁 Honestly, I saw it more as an issue for me when my children were older (I nursed them all almost 2 years and my youngest until 2 1/2) and they could interact with me more but I was completely zoned out. I’m sorry you feel discouraged. That was never my intention. This was something I noticed about myself–and how my nursing relationship changed from the time I began in 2008 without a smart phone until 2012 when I did. I’m sure you’re doing great! <3
Beau
I agree!
Beau
Article has a good point but at the end of the day we are all human and if you are feeding your baby for the 4th or maybe even 6th time of your day and you want to read a book or scroll through your phone then go for it. I feel there is too much pressure for us all to be fricken super mums and sometimes we need outlets too.
Yes bonding with your baby during feeds is amazing and lovely but when you’ve had a hard day and your just over it you may want to flick through your phone to see facebook or news or shopping sites then that is more than ok too!!!!!!