Healthy YouApril is Cesarean Awareness Month. While it’s far from the ideal birth, I think it’s time we offered grace for the c-section mom.
Image by MamaGab
Guest post by Gabrielle Daigle of MamaGab
As soon as my doctor said the words “breech,” I knew my goal of natural childbirth was over. No chapter of Spiritual Midwifery could prepare me for the c-section I ended up with. In the dozens of books I read during pregnancy, I had skipped every chapter on c-sections because I wasn’t going to have one.
Except I’ve had three. And I’m having my fourth in November.
I always thought that if I did things the right way–natural labor, no induction, no epidural–then I could avoid a surgical birth.
I would be able to push well and avoid interventions. The result would be a healthy and alert baby born to a healthy and alert mama. They would put her on my chest and she would be ready to nurse from her mama immediately.
But that’s never been my reality. Instead, surgery is my birth and I have a lovely scar to show for it.
And breastfeeding was far more difficult than I had imagined. It took many tears, two La Leche League leaders, one lactation specialist, and lots of prayers to make breastfeeding work.
It’s hard for a recovering perfectionist to cope when things don’t go according to plan.
Image by MamaGab
While I’ve learned to let go of perfect, I’ve heard disapproving comments with each pregnancy, especially when we had to go with repeat c-sections instead of VBACs. Some comments sting while others offer a great chance for dialogue. Somewhere around my third pregnancy, I gave up justifying my choices and I’ve learned to rest in God’s plan for me.
But when I talk to other moms after their first c-section, they share tears and stories of unkind words said to them about their unnatural delivery.
We tend to think like I did, that if she really wanted to avoid a c-section, she should’ve done things the right way. She should’ve chosen a different doctor or a more-skilled midwife. Maybe she wasn’t properly informed.
Sometimes I wonder…Where’s the grace for the c-section mom?
So many times, this isn’t what she wanted. She didn’t choose it. And when she struggles over that ever-so-sticky issue of VBAC or not, she seems to get flack either way.
The same is true for so many other parenting issues, isn’t it? Yet for my family, it is our prayers, our research, our conversations that lead us to decide what’s best for our family, and I’m not sure why any of it needs to be questioned.
I love my cloth diapers, homeschooling, and I even loved nursing my 2-year-old. But I have to trust that other moms who choose different methods are also simply doing what’s best for their families.
Image by MamaGab
So when did we elevate the parenting methods over the results? Why do c-section moms feel the need to defend themselves?
And when a mom has to pour formula, why does she have to explain, rather guiltily, how hard she tried to breastfeed? Sometimes I think we make her feel this way.
We, the pro-breastfeeding moms, can be the last ones to support a friend when it doesn’t work out. It hurts my heart to think about ways I may have alienated my friends in this way over parenting issues.
God, in my desire to advocate for breastfeeding, homeschooling, and full-time homemaking, please keep me from making another mom feel like she’s not good enough.
We are good enough. Or rather, God makes us good enough.
We’ve got to drop the “good mom” litmus tests we create.
Image by MamaGab
We’ve got to give grace.
Do you ever ask a c-section mom to share her birth story? Maybe like me, she has never been in labor a minute of her life, but I promise you, she has a birth story. It’s precious and it resulted in a tiny human being.
Instead, she probably falls silent when the birth stories are swapped. Her surgery is not worth sharing.
But a c-section is not just a surgery. It’s the birth of a baby.
And while we all agree that c-sections are not ideal, surely we can see the beauty in the birth of a baby.
We don’t know her background. We don’t know the exact circumstances that led up to that surgery and how hard she tried to avoid it. And maybe we don’t need to know.
She is created in God’s image. She deserves some support. She deserves love, not mommy wars.
We can advocate for healthier births without crushing the woman who is simply glad to be holding a healthy baby in her arms.
Her birth story is valid and it is beautiful.
Let’s celebrate births. Let’s rejoice when it’s the amazing, natural birth she always wanted. And let’s rejoice when it’s a healthy baby out of surgery.
Let’s be the grace-givers.
Image by MamaGab
Have you ever felt judged by other moms about the birth of your child?
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Gabby is a former English teacher who now finds joy in homeschooling her own three children. She has learned to enjoy running even though she’d rather be curled up with a Jane Austen book, and she even ran her first half marathon recently! She loves encouraging other moms at MamaGab and in real life through her local MOPS group.
Gabby is a former English teacher who now finds joy in 
Kristen @ Smithspirations
This is very thought-provoking. I’ve had five births, none of them c-sections, and this has given me so much to think about. Have I ever asked a friend to share her birth story after a c-section? I will be honest, I don’t know if I have in the same way that I ask friends about their vaginal births. I really feel like I want to do better at that after reading your thoughtful words.
Catherine
I’ve had 5 C-sections. I’ve never felt judged by another mom over that, but I have judged myself pretty harshly. Like you said, I was just glad to hold a healthy baby, but I keep thinking that if I had done things better before and during the pregnancies, that I would have been able to have natural births and I would have been able to make breastfeeding work. Thank you for this article, I really needed it.
Jaclyn Cauvel
I’ve had 3 c- sections the first because she was beech and then 2 more because there wasn’t enough time in between. I have received a lot of judgement because of it. I have even been told that I was “birth raped”. I have been fortunate that I was able to make breastfeeding work but it literally was through blood, sweat and tears. I am so thankful that God has freed me from beating myself up over it but that took time and lots of prayer. God has a plan and purpose for every birth story. We just have to open ourselves up to listening to each other and be willing to grow from each other’s stories. I mean ultimately isn’t that what God intended all along.
Pauline
“Birth raped”, how awful! How shaming and inconsiderate for you! I’ve had 2 C-sections and people always say “sorry” as if it was a failure. I still struggle with it and couldn’t really write the birth stories down. There is still a lot of work to do before everyone can accept every birth story just as it was intended, whatever the method. Thanks for the post.
Katy
I am so sorry they said you were birth raped — not only is that offensive and insensitive to you, but I feel it downplays actual rape victims. Having a baby via c section is not the same as being raped.
C-Sections may not be the way many women hoped to birth their babies, but it certainly is not rape! I have a casual friend who is angry about her c-section and will lecture you about how she was raped, it angers me as I have friends that were raped. It also saddens me that she has been made to feel her birth was inadequat.
Abigail
I’m disappointed by the phrase, used twice in this article, that C-sections are “far from ideal.” You speak of offering grace but with this phrase, you relegate C-sections to less than ideal, second-rate. This is NOT grace.
For many, many women, C-sections ARE ideal because otherwise their babies would not be brought into the world safely (for either mother or baby).
We need to all step back and reevaluate the desired outcome for birth – a living baby. Why has the method that baby comes into the world become such a huge focus for mamas? And then there is grief and disappointment when a certain method doesn’t work out? If you have a healthy baby, what is there to be disappointed about? Yes, God designed babies to be born vaginally but he also provided mankind with intelligence to develop medical advances to more safely deliver babies who can’t be delivered vaginally. Yes, the medical profession may be more C-section-happy but the end result is still the same…a BABY!
I’d love to see more articles on shifting the focus from the method to the baby 🙂
[email protected]
Yes, that’s exactly how I feel, Abigail! The result is a baby and that is beautiful! But for many of us, especially women like myself who spend their pregnancies reading Ina May Gaskin and other fabulous resources for natural birth, a c-section was not our ideal. It was not what we wanted. And the harm it does to our bodies also makes it less than ideal. I know there are risks for me, especially as I head into my fourth surgical birth, but this is what we feel is best for our family. But if we had to choose between a baby (and a c-section) or no baby at all, we would definitely choose c-section all day long. But I still can’t call it my ideal birth. I want to be caring for my children 2 weeks postpartum, not recovering from surgery. I would be the last person wanting to make a mom feel judged for her c-section, which is the goal of my article.
Jenny
I agree with Abigail, my main concern was that my baby was born safely. But I also agree with what Gabby is saying about it being less than ideal. I had difficulty recovering after my two c sections. The first one, I lived with my mom and she was a huge help. The second, I had a toddler and a newborn needing my attention, my husband works very long hours, none of my family or friends came to help or bring meals, and I was in a lot of pain. I was angry and I hated feeling so weak. I’m not sure I’ll have another child if I have to have another c section.
AwesomeSauce
I had a c-section, and while it saved my daughter’s life and quite probably my own as well, I still see it as less than ideal. Ideal would’ve been if I didn’t go into preterm labour. Ideal would have been *not* having a partial placental abruption and losing all that blood for two weeks before going into labour. Ideal would have been my baby not having decels when I was in labour. C-sections aren’t ideal. And it’s okay to say that, because those of us who have them generally feel that way about them already – saying that it’s not ideal doesn’t mean it’s bad, or inferior, or that we are lessened by them…it is simply a recognition of the ordeal that a c-section is. I think we can all agree that major abdominal surgery, and the crappy situation that so often leads up to it, is not the ideal way to have to give birth. The fact that it’s not ideal is why most people don’t choose to have one until it is a necessity.
[email protected]
Exactly. Ideal simply means it’s not what we wanted, and few of us want emergency, life-threatening situations that cause us to have surgical births. And most of us who gravitate towards more natural mothering solutions and less medications generally prefer to have babies without surgery. That’s the audience I’m speaking to. I’m glad you ladies understand.
Jenny, I understand. For us, part of the solution involved 1) waiting until our children were a little older before adding a fourth baby (and surgery recovery) as well as 2) moving closer to family. And I do a lot of freezer cooking to prep for those first 5 weeks postpartum. Our church is great about bringing meals too.
disappointed in generalizations
Abigail I know exactly what you are saying! It sucks that the phrase was used as a general blanket and does exactly the opposite of what is intended. I had a cesarean (not because I had to, but because it was the ideal choice), my baby was going to die and did, if I had waited to give birth “naturally” it could have been days. We found out when I went to the hospital in labor, then it all stopped as soon as we found out because I could not have a cesarean due to abortion laws until i dilated on my own. I spent 3 days in the hospital after birth and was doing laundry as soon as I got home. Recovery from surgery is different, everyone’s body heals differently, and everyone has their own ideal. IF i have another baby I will once again have a cesarean because aside from the outcome of my first experience it was easy and simple.
Andie @ RaisingPraise
Very thought-provoking post. I have not had a c-section though nearly all of my immediate and extended family members have. It’s sad how easy it is to judge mothers, regardless of their choices.
[email protected]
You are right. We can be so quick to judge as mamas. I never see dads giving each other flack for this stuff!
Laurie
I have never been “shamed” for my c section because I don’t discuss it. I don’t discuss whether my daughter was breast or bottle or whether she was cloth or disposable…. Because quite frankly, it’s no one’s business. When it comes up I just say that I don’t participate in such conversations. True empathy and “sisterhood” does not come from such nonsense.
I’m sorry, but we’ve become a society where everyone feels the need to share every bit of their personal lives opening themselves up to scrutiny and judgement when people really just need to MYOB and stop seeking validation from outside sources.
theogeek
I must echo the comments that the language of “grace” and “less than ideal” relegates c-sections to some sort of second-class status despite the very good intentions of this post. If we truly want to support women’s journeys in all cases then we need to be very careful about our choice of words and be aware that even words with the best intent behind them could sting.
I had two c-sections, the first one a “crash section” to save my child’s life. While he lived, he had already suffered a massive brain injury as a result of a complicated vaginal birth attempt. Today he is profoundly disabled and will be for life. I think we sometimes forget that childbirth for most of history was very dangerous, and in many cases, was the cause of death and/or injury for many women and babies. Yes childbirth is natural and many women will enjoy natural childbirth and a healthy baby. But, there will always be a percentage of the population that despite their best intentions, preparation, wishes, and yes, prayers, cannot and will not deliver naturally. The only reason my son and I survived his birth was because of our present day ability to medically manage pregnancies and respond to emergencies quickly. After that trauma I can assure you that there was never any discussion of a VBAC with any future pregnancies. A healthy baby was all I wanted.
The harshest critics of my birth story, one I had no control over, were always women.
[email protected]
You are absolutely right. We women can be so critical. I’m glad we live in an era that can save both the baby and the mother’s lives. I can only imagine how difficult that birth was was for you on so many levels, though your child is such a blessing.
For me, when I say give grace, I mean give kindness. Give encouragement. Politeness, courtesy, and kindness are the classic definitions of the word grace (as opposed to God’s grace which is unmerited favor). It’s not a second class birth and we are not second class mothers. For me, however, it was not my ideal birth. It was not the birth I wanted. Many women pursuing a natural lifestyle feel the same way, and this is not the birth they wanted, though we are so content with the outcome (a healthy baby). I hope we can give kindness instead of criticism to other moms.
Angela
My last birth was a c-section and it was horrific. I have tremendous respect for any woman who has had to experience a c-section. I had medical complications so maybe that’s why I never felt the “shame”that others have to contend with. But this article is absolutely right on! We need to honour every mother no matter what her birth experience. Leave the judgments at the door and listen to other woman with grace. I’m just very surprised to hear about woman having more than three c-sections. In my country (not USA) you can only have up to three. After that people choose to stop growing their families because of the risks involved with having more.
Jennifer S.
My first baby was a c-section. I think God in His grace allowed this to keep me from being prideful about birth. I’m afraid I would have been someone who passed judgment on c-section moms because they didn’t do it “right”. I’m thankful God allowed me to experience a cesarean so I could have a more understanding heart. I’ve also been allowed to have vbac’s by God’s grace, but I know I would never hesitate to have another cesarean if it was needed. I’m thankful we live in an age where moms and babies can be saved because we have the medical knowledge necessary. I think in many ways moms who have a cesarean are braver because they have weeks and even months of recovery after. It’s not easy to recover from a major surgery plus learn how to care for a newborn plus figure out breastfeeding. So kudos to all the moms who do this every day.
[email protected]
That’s exactly how I feel. It was a bit of humbling from the Lord, as were my struggles to breastfeed. I’ll never judge a mom for not nursing after all that we went through. I can’t. And I shouldn’t either.
Elisabeth
I’ve had one of each – a c-section and a natural birth. I finally decided that this question of birth is one that belongs in the same category with the fact that I may or may not read to my kids daily for half an our, feed my toddler purely organic salads, have a daily flashcard session with my infant (are you kidding…), that I may or may not co-sleep, sleep train, vaccinate, blah blah blah. These things, you just have to do your best, and give thanks in everything. The Bible says that “they who compare themselves among themselves are not wise.” Aren’t there bigger things to worry about? Such as human trafficking, earthquakes, wars….
Kelli @ eatprayreadlove
Gabby, you know my story- 4 c-sections and I’d there are any more babies they’ll be c-sections, too. I, like you, skipped the c-section classes in childbirth class because they weren’t “for me”. I am SO thankful for this medical intervention becauSe I really feel both my son and I would have died had I had him vaginally.
Thank you so much for a beautiful post!
Tracey
Wow – I guess I should feel even more thankful for my family, friends, and acquaintances as I’ve never felt judged for giving birth to my youngest daughter via C-section. Failure to progress in labor (with what turned out to be a large baby) while already a week overdue meant a C-section was the quickest and safest way to deliver my baby so that she and I would be healthy. Thankful for a God who saw us through it and wonderful medical personnel who assisted!!
Rebekah from Simply Rebekah
“Her birth story is valid and it is beautiful.” –> That is something that I needed to hear. I was very disappointed that I needed to have a c-section. Three years later, it is still hard for me to read articles like this and acknowledge my feelings about it all.
To those who are offended by this article, it isn’t meant for you. It is meant for me. It is meant for the mama who is struggling to accept the way she gave birth. If you don’t struggle, I’m so very happy for you, but please just move on. I needed this blog post. I need to continue to read these types of things so that someday I can be just as okay with my birth story as you are.
Crystal
I completely agree. Almost 8 years later, it’s still hard for me.
Also, saying it is less than ideal is not a judgment, it is a fact. Yes, we are glad it’s an option, but it’s not the ideal one. That’s okay! We don’t need to lie to make ourselves feel better.
Karen
I planned for a natural birth, with midwives, in a center located in a hospital. A few days after my due date at a routine non stress test my favorite midwife came in and said, “something’s wrong.”
The doctor (whom I’d never met) came and said c section. I cried and cried. My husband ran in to our new friend who had been in the natural birth class with us, she’d given birth, med free, the night before.
She came in and told me it was okay, reassured me.
I remember ever minute, it is an important story for our family. Especially the wave of love that came crashing over me when the doctor held my beautiful baby up for my first look at her. She’s perfectly fine, but the cord was wrapped around her arm and body. She could have died or had nerve damage in her arm. I know that the midwives and doctors were inspired.
So, even though I didn’t want a c-section, I’m glad it worked out the way it did. And I tell my birth story all the time!
Holly
Thank you for this blog post! I know it has gotten a lot of flack for the title, but the article spells out exactly what is meant. I needed this article not because of my c-section or my vbac, but because I want to always consider what I’m saying regarding parenting before I say it. Moms and dads work hard and do the very best for their kids. The choices are ours to make based on our families, but we start segregating ourselves based on the parenting decisions we make instead of celebrating the anazing choices and opportunities we have as parents! I don’t have anything figured out, but I enjoy the daily adventure of trading up my little men! Keep encouraging! It’s beautuful!
AwesomeSauce
I honestly don’t understand all the “birth shaming” that goes on. I’ve seen it done to other moms online, and I’ve experienced it a bit myself (though not over my c-section…)…why does the manner in which another woman gives birth have anything to do with anyone other than herself, her doctor, and her infant? Why does anyone feel like they have the right to judge something like that? It’s ridiculous. I’ve had a vaginal delivery that, aside from two shots of demerol which only made me pass out/vomit, was “natural”; I had an emergency c-section; and I had an induction to deliver a stillborn baby at term (she passed away the day before and I didn’t end up going into labour on my own). Each birth was different but none was any less valid than the other; at the end of the day all that matters is that mom and baby are alive. All we should do for one another is pat each other on the back and acknowledge how freaking hard it is to produce a child from one’s body regardless of which opening it exits from, and regardless of whether you’re feeling every pain or floating on a gentle cloud of painkillers (drugs are the bomb why did I do without the first time why oh why?? lol). We are fellow soldiers and there’s no reason to say anything other than “way to go, you did it!”
Christine
i don’t agree at all that c section births are “far from ideal”. Ideal to me is leaving with with a living, unharmed baby. I had five vaginal births and two c sections, and I’m grateful for each of them. While this article speaks of not judging the initial words and verbiage of “we all agree” is exclusive as well. Color me disappointed. I’m glad I have confidence in the reasoning/medical team behind my 2 sections.
Crystal
I’m really surprised to think that being in a health crisis is anyone’s idea of an ideal birth. I literally cannot wrap my mind around that.
Sam
Why are you assuming that because someone had a c-section that they had a health crisis? Has anyone stopped to consider that some women choose c-section as their first choice?
Amanda
You took the words right out of my mouth. I too skipped the c-section parts in all the books. I didn’t want pain medicine NOTHING… just have the baby.
He saw it another way… I love telling my birth story though, because unlike a lot of c-sections. I was in labor… Hard labor for a long time… The baby never dropped and I stopped dialating…. There was no doubt I was okay with a section. He was healthy, despite all the things that could of been wrong bearing the things that went all that last week. {He trashed the apartment, if you know what I mean}.
I’m thankful that he was eager to breastfeed about a half hour after birth, and that his daddy was the first to hold him. We will always have that day as a good memory.
Thank you for this post, everyone should read it… Going to share on FB !!!
<3 Amanda @AmandaUnfolded 🙂
Michelle
I have also had three C-sections. My first C-section was after a difficult labour and haemorrhaging and saved both myself and my son. The first thing every one said was sorry…. my answer…why on earth are you sorry, my son was born healthy, that’s the result you want from every pregnancy. I was hoping for a VBAC for my second, but my stubborn little man was both posterior and breech, so there was no choice. Of course after two C-section already, the third was automatically planned for a C-section as well. I must admit I am a little sad that I never got to experience a natural birth and the speedy recovery that normally follows, but I am more then happy to give that up when the result is three healthy babies.
Thank you so much for addressing such an important subject.
[email protected]
Thank you! Slow recovery is my least favorite part. But I do love the healthy baby part. 🙂 They are precious.
Allison
This was a well written, thoughtful, appreciated post. The only thing I may suggest is removing the thinking that every mom tries to avoid a c section (or should) and thinks that it’s not the/ an ideal way to birth their baby. Even they assumption I think could be ugly to some… I personally know a doctor that wants his three daughters to all have c sections for certain reasons, having nothing to do with their personal medical reasons or conditions…. Whether we understand or agree w that or not isn’t the point… Point being people see things different ways 🙂
(This is coming from a c section mama very much not by choice…. 😉 )
[email protected]
You’re right that people definitely see things different ways, and I do think that even the mommy judgment needs to stop with that. But this wasn’t written for a woman who chooses a c-section as her first option. It’s written for the mom who, like me, gravitates towards natural and organic in her life. That’s the audience for this blog in general, and definitely the intended audience for my post. For many of us, we never wanted a c-section but find ourselves “stuck” with one. And more importantly, it’s written for the natural minded mom who (unintentionally or intentionally) judges and doesn’t encourage her friends who are stuck with c-sections. It’s my hope that women will choose kind words to their friends who are disappointed in their c-section births instead of criticism.
Ashley
Thank you for this article! My baby boy was a C-section. When the doctor said this I broke down in tears but I came away with a beautiful healthy child. I’ve never had anything truly awful said to me but when I went back to work and the girls asked about the birth the moment I said C-section the response was “Oh” and a loss of interest. I felt shamed for having the surgery.
This was all going on during some ruff things in our lives(hubby losing job, emergency room visit, death in the family) that led me to getting a second job and making the incredibly hard decision to stop breastfeeding because of all the stress. I’ve had more unkind comments about that including “Formula is bad for babies”. It’s gotten to the point of me lying that I do still breastfeed so I avoid the pain of people’s judgement.
I wanted it all natural. I wanted the birth at home. I wanted to hold my baby the moment he came into the world and not just have a 30 second glance. But now almost a year later he is happy and thriving and so active. Thank you for this article. It reminded me that whenever the next baby comes along and I want to try for the VBAC to be more accepting if the C-section has to happen again.
[email protected]
Yes, definitely prepare yourself emotionally, just in case. I’m so glad it encouraged you. I hate that so many people have made you feel that way about breastfeeding & formula. It just shouldn’t be that way. You, mama, are doing the best thing you can for your baby. That’s all that really matters.
Marisa
I had a section with my second baby. It was an emergency section, and to this day they’re still not quite sure what happened, other than the baby’s heart rate dropped to nearly zero and I was in excruciating pain. They told me that if circumstances had been any different that day, both the baby and I would likely have died. I’ve never been shamed by anyone for having a section. And, frankly, I wouldn’t care if anyone did say something negative about it. I know that my baby was a miracle, no matter how he was delivered. I struggle to understand why women allow others to dictate their feelings. What another person says about how we’ve birthed our children or how we raise our children shouldn’t matter one iota to us, so long as we know we’re doing right by our children. My birth story is a fascinating one, and if a person chooses not ask me about it because they think a section is somehow inferior, well… that’s their loss, not mine.
[email protected]
I love that you’re so confident, but not all of us are. Many women struggle with people pleasing and can even feel “left out” of the natural mom community because of the births of our babies. I’ve reached the same conclusions as you, but it took a couple of babies for me to reach that point. This was written for the woman who struggles with accepting her birth, and the friends who don’t accept it either.
Christina
thank you for this beautiful reminder that I am not alone in my struggles to accept my pregnancy and birth of my first daughter, 4 and 1/2 years ago … It went much like the other moms who have left comments … I went from hopeful first time home birth, to the midwives turning me over to a dr because I was just completely unfit to labor at home … What’s hardest was I had my dear sister in law as the main person I felt I had disappointed …. Not only with the c section but unsuccessful breastfeeding, etc. because she had been successful at all of it.
This is so timely, as I am due any day now with my third daughter, and I’m praying that when the time comes, it will go beautifully like my second daughter’s birth (all natural, out in three pushes, I mean the complete opposite of the first) But if it doesn’t, I think I will have an easier time of just rejoicing that He granted me this beautiful gift, and not worrying so much about anyone else’s judgement. That peace can only come from the Lord.
Leah
**Great article. I have a mom friend who I met at a mom’s group. She planned to have her son at the same freestanding birth center where I had mine. She ended up with some unforeseen complications and had to transfer to the hospital and have a c-section. She is devastated about her birth since it all turned out awful even though she did all the right things to avoid it. Some people tend to shrug her off and tell her “at least you have a healthy baby”. Which makes her feel even worse about her feelings. I told her that it is okay to mourn the experience, it doesn’t mean she isn’t thankful to have a healthy child.
We have to keep in mind that some moms did do all the right things and were properly informed beforehand. But birth is unpredictable and it’s ok to be upset when things didn’t go how we wished.
emily
I had several friends tell me how hard it must be to not have a special birth or the right birth and honestly, I could have cared less that I had to be e c sections, but I felt like everyone has had comments about it. I just had my 3rd c section, turns out my uterus was in really bad shape and it was a life saving decision to not even try to labor, and I know my uterus was like that from the first 2 c sections, but both of those saved my babies lives. maybe not ideal situation but they seemed to be meant to be in a way since afterwards each doctor told me things would have been very bad if we had attempted a vaginal birth. I hate that I have to explain myself though, why the first 2 happened, why I didn’t fight for the 3rd
Laurie anders
Thanks so much for this!! I like so many of the other mom’s who had c-sections have struggled with my feelings and comments made by friends who don’t understand. I get that, like you said, how many of us who breastfeed or mother differently than others have made uncaring comments. I too, am having my 4th c-section in December. My first son was born 10 years ago and was an emergency c-section because his heart rate was dropping and I wasn’t progressing. I am very blessed by your story, and thank you for sharing. We do need to show Grace to other mom’s and be thankful to God for our healthy babies!!
Audrey
My first child was a cesarean after 22 hrs. of labor because he came down brow first and became stuck. My second child was a successful VBAC but she unexpectedly had a cleft in the soft palate. My third child was a cesarean because I was in danger. All three births were a success in my opinion because the end result was a child.
Cindy
Encouraging post. Thank you!
I’ve had 9 C-Sections. My C-Section “Birth Stories” are online for all to read.
http://manymcdaniels.com/birthstories-html
I hope you share your 4th C-Section “birth story” in November!!
Cris
I have had two c-sections and never was demeaned nor discounted. I am a generation Xer and I believe the millennials and those behind are so much more judgmental, expecting perfection and not willing to compromise to reality. The supposed tolerant generation is the most intolerant. It is ridiculous to blame the ending birthing method on the lack of self awareness or assertiveness toward the medical community. It is a selfish, self-centered crass person who would even think that a c-section birth is valued less than a vaginal birth. We are on our way toward a society who classify the worth of the mother or baby based on the type of birth, causing a system of haves and have nots or socially acceptable types versus abnormal. Welcome to the world of tolerance based upon criteria of accepted tolerance. I guess those who pass this type of judgement would rather the woman be forced to have a vaginal birth, even when her mortality rate is less than fifty percent.
Sharon
I have never felt ashamed or less than a woman for having a c-section. My son would have died if I was able to have a natural birth since his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck two times. Not to mention that I only dilalated to a 1 and would not go any further. I am proud of my scar, because without it I wouldn’t be a mom to the most amazing 13 year old son. No one has ever looked down on me or discredit me as a mom just because I didn’t push him out. I have 3 older sister and all 3 of them also had c-sections, so it was nothing to me when I had to have one. Be proud of every scar and stretch mark, they were very well earned.
Connie
Three c-sections(1986, 90, and 96), three large, handsome baby boys,,
no regrets, helped a young friend, with her labor and delivery, beautiful baby girl, amazing, and grateful for the chance to share that experience,
Alexa
You state twice that we can all agree that a c-section is not the “ideal” birth. THAT, my friend, is the mentality that has caused women to feel the way you describe and is the whole reason you needed to write this post. Why do you still feel the need to temper your give-grace-to-c-section-mammas post with reminders that it was never and will never be the ideal way to go? You are perpetuating the mindset that caused you and many other women to feel inferior in the first place.
The definition of the “ideal” birth is elusive. Is it whatever makes the mom feel most comfortable? Is it whatever “they” say results in a “healthier” baby? Is it whatever saves the life of either mom or child? Is it based on today’s popular methods? Is it the same for every mom? Is it even the same between a mother’s children?
For me, my c-section became my ideal and I wouldn’t have it any other way. At first, I was completely devastated that my plans for an unmedicated birth went down the drains, but that was only because I had bought into the idea that anything except an unmedicated “natural” birth was somehow inferior or less-than-ideal, as you repeatedly insist. Personally, I have no desire for a VBAC. I loved my c-section and can’t wait for my next one.
We wouldn’t have a need to give grace to c-section mamas if, in the first place, we had fewer “rules” about how it’s “supposed” to be done.
Erin
Every woman’s situation is different, and, for many women, a C-section is not ideal. This post is meant to encourage those women. I am glad yours was ideal for you!
Suzanne
Thank you! This article is so well written.
I had two planned C-sections (for both medical and size reasons [giant husband and tiny me]) and the only disappointing thing I found was from the “breastfeeding Nazi” (lactation specialist & nurse at the hospital). Once I couldn’t breastfeed, she no longer chose to be assigned to my room and treated me like I had made the wrong decision to bottle rather than breastfeed.
Marian
It’s amazing how women feel judged and allow others to judge them based on how they gave birth . Meanwhile I’m here , a few days to my SCHEDULED CS. My baby and I are very healthy by God’s grace but even before pregnancy I decided i would choose a CS . I don’t see it as the easy way out because im scared of the surgery and recovery but I rather see it as an ideal way out . There are sooo many complications that can arise with a natural birth , complications that are endless because i unlike most women in this world know how dangerous childbirth actually is , and choosing between all those complications and very unpredictable scenarios that can lead to death /health complications for my baby and I , I would rather opt for a safe delivery and a very safe and healthy baby(my prayer even before i got pregnant) than proving to myself or anyone that im a woman etc , I know im a woman .. and no amount of judgment will make me feel any less..along with the fact that i wont allow any one to have the nerve to judge me. What makes CS horrible for most women is the fact that they go through days of painful labour and birth complications before going for the CS as the last option and end up with nightmares about their CS when those nightmares weren’t caused by the CS itself , as the CS was rather their saving grace . I choose not to go through drama before reluctantly choosing CS .. i see it as a very good choice that women should feel free to opt for without feeling any less of a woman.”