Good communication is key to intimacy in marriage! Here are some practical ways you can boost communication with your spouse to connect on a deeper level.
Guest post by Keelie of Love Hope Adventure
As humans, building intimate relationships is in the very fabric of our beings. We long for closeness and deep rooted connections with the special people in our lives. When it comes to our marriage, we have an even greater need to delve into the soul, mind, and body of our lover.
Intimacy in marriage does not consist of just one thing. It is a combination of emotional connection and physical affection that brings you closer to one another.
Great communication leads to emotional connection. In turn, the emotional connection you feel toward your spouse brings out the natural desire to show physical affection.
Through non-sexual affection, physical intimacy increases. This cycle of love continually builds upon itself as the couple grows in a closer relationship. But over time, the cycle can break and those natural desires fade.
Typical Interactions Between a Married Couple
Do you remember your dating days when you and your sweetheart hung on each other’s every word? You wanted to know anything and everything about who they were. Over the course of time the newness wears off; meaningful conversations become less intentional and more accidental.
Image by miamiamia
When our lives get busy, we fall into the habit of only doing drive-by chats. Your spouse texts you to pick up something from the store. You text to ask what should be done about dinner. When you see each other at home, the quick conversations continue.
As kids flurry around, you catch up from the day at work or what has to get done before you crash on the couch. Is this enough? Or is there a way to take it further and build a closer relationship?
Does it Matter What You Talk About?
Most married couples spend some amount of time in a day talking. That doesn’t necessarily mean they are engaging in conversation that will bring them into closer emotional intimacy. To truly build a deeper relationship, you need to have intentional conversations that reach the heart.
Growing closer to your spouse requires you to have conversations that are more than a recap of the day or things that have to be done. When you commit to having purposeful interactions, it will affect your emotional connection. Any time you feel emotionally connected to your spouse, your physical desire grows for them.
Image by chidsey
How Does Communication Lead to Greater Physical Intimacy?
Have you ever looked over at your spouse with love in your heart and all you wanted to do was kiss them? Often, this happens after you have felt an emotional connection. This connection is a result of your intentional communication.
Expressing yourself through physical means is a natural product of feeling emotionally close to someone. Physical intimacy is more than intercourse. It is an all-day love affair that takes place between two people that have connected on a mental and physical level.
Sometimes we get a bit lazy in our marriage when it comes to showing our spouses that we love them through non-sexual physical affection. The more hand holding, snuggling, kissing, and hugging that goes on, the more physical intimacy you will experience.
For a fun, non-threatening way to increase intimacy as a couple, check out Sheila Wray Gregoire’s eBook 31 Days to Great Sex.
Practical Ways You Can Boost Your Communication
Intimacy in marriage increases when you take the time to intentionally engage one another. It is important for you to take an active approach as opposed to a passive approach to building your marriage relationship. By making deep communication a priority, you will boost your intimacy.
There are a number of ways you can increase communication with your partner. Not all of these ideas will work for you. The thing to remember is that you have to be intentional with what you do.
Here are some things you can try:
- Spend time together where you both put down your phones.
- Have an at-home date night where you focus on each other.
- Use creative conversation starters to talk about something other than your day.
- Really listen to your spouse when they are talking and work on reading their non-verbal cues.
- Do a project that requires you to work together to accomplish it.
- Look in your spouse’s eyes while you talk.
- Find a way to communicate to your spouse through an action.
- Have conversations when your children go to bed so that you can talk without interruption.
Learning more about your partner and growing closer together as a couple is what makes marriage exciting. The connection you share is what sets your relationship apart from all others.
What have you found to be the best way to increase communication with your spouse?
Keelie is a wife, a mom, a creator, and a follower of Christ. She spends her days sipping coffee and blogging about the world around her. You can follower her at Love Hope Adventure where she explores the marriage relationship and making a house a home. When she isn’t writing her days away, you can find her in the kitchen, craft room, spending time with family or volunteering at church.
I know first-hand how true this is. Just a couple months ago I felt that my marriage was over. It had been MONTHS since my husband and I were intimate (not just sexually- I cringed when he hugged me or touched me affectionately) and I had finally had enough. I asked him, if he knew that we would be where we were at that time would he still choose me? Our biggest problem was not only not communicating, but being afraid of being judged by what the other has said or felt. Well, this one deep conversation ignited a spark, I think. We are back to our old selves for the most part and can finally communicate on a deeper and more honest level. Our intimacy has improved, too.
Wow….completely amazing story. I’m so happy that you and your husband have had a complete turn around. I think all marriages go through a period where you doubt whether or not you are on the same page anymore. You question if you will actually make it through or not. Those times are normal. I encourage you to continue communicating and really learn how to show love to each other in one another’s love languages. I know Erin is very big on the Love languages book for that reason. We can’t truly communicate with someone unless we know how they think. You might be saying something clear as day, but they are hearing it totally opposite. As you grow in intimacy with your spouse, you will understand them better and know how they interpret your words and actions. Thanks so much for sharing your story.
i cant communicate cause of being judged….its always my fault…and he even said so.
What are some ways to encourage my husband with this? He’s complacently content with little communication – unless it’s sexual. Thanks.
Heather @ My Overflowing Cup
Keelie, I love “drive-by chats”! Not that I love them, but I love that description. I have been married for 22 years and I definitely see the value in continuing to grow in our level of communication. It is such an important aspect of a healthy, happy marriage. Thanks so much for the reminder and for the encouraging post.
Blessings to you and yours!
Thanks so much for your encouragement. 🙂 Yes, it is so important to always build communication. You would think after that many years, you would have it nailed down. That is the amazing thing about communication, we can always get closer and more intimate.
I’m looking for advice to enhance my relationship with my girlfriend. We have been together now for almost 2 years and I can honestly say she is the love of my life. She is the mother of 3 beautiful children, whom I adore, and she works two jobs with changing hours and she picks up a lot of extra shifts all the time too so she is always busy. I work full time 7:30 to 3:30 mon to fri and I work a second job two days a week as well. When I’m not working I am watching her kids. I say all this to say we just don’t have a lot of time together. I tell her how much I love her every day and I tell her how beautiful she is and how much she means to me. I try to show her my love when she’s not home by sending her messages, buying her flowers, watching her kids, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry etc and when we are together I hold her hand and hug and kiss her all the time. Lately, in the last couple months, she has been so stressed about life and her job and she says that we don’t communicate well. The problem is we never have time together and when we do she is stressed out, upset or feeling sick. We haven’t had a date night alone in about 6 months and aren’t intimate very often. Infact it’s been a month since the last time. I was just wondering if we never see each other and I’m doing everything I can think of to show her my love, then how can I communicate better???