Yesterday, I shared with you five of the 10 things I said I’d never do as a mom that I now do. I sometimes chuckle when I hear a single or married-without-children friend say that they will never do this or that with their future kids, because really, we never know what we will or will not do until we are in a given situation.
Here are five more things I do now that I said I would never do when I became a mother (that I now do):
1. I said I would never feed my kids hot dogs.
I actually gave up hot dogs when I was about 5 years old. I’ve never been a big meat eater, and once I knew where hot dogs came from, I never allowed one to grace my lunch plate again.
However, my girls love them. And, let’s face it: Hot dogs are easy to prepare. I only serve my children the “healthy” uncured, nitrite-free hotdogs, but they are still hot dogs nonetheless.
And shock of all shockers: I’ve actually started eating them myself! The other day as I was biting into a turkey hotdog, my mom said to my sister over the phone: “Would you have ever guessed your sister would start eating hot dogs one day?”
I think the last time–up until about 6 months ago–that I had eaten one was when I had been babysitting for a family when I was 11 years old. I felt rude saying no, so I gagged down one bite and said I wasn’t hungry and wanted to “save the rest for later” in my purse.
2. I said I wouldn’t let my children watch TV.
This is another one that makes me chuckle. I still admonish others – and myself – to limit the use of the tube, but with three pregnancies in three years, I simply succumbed to letting my girls watch kids’ shows.
I now think I have just about every “Dora the Explorer” episode memorized. Sometimes I forget that TV shows exist for adults. When the kids are in bed, my husband and I often find ourselves watching “Curious George.” Hey, he taught us all about composting and recycling!
I actually looked at my husband one day and said: “Why didn’t we ever watch these shows before we had kids?” He thought I was a little crazy with that one!
3. I said I would never send my kids to preschool.
To be honest, I didn’t think we could afford preschool, and I also didn’t want any of my children away from me any earlier than they had to. But last spring, my husband suggested that our oldest might benefit from some preschool before starting kindergarten.
We found a wonderful school at a church just down the street, and God provided for us to send her there. Our daughter loves her teacher and new friends, and she’s learning a lot. It was a great decision to send her!
4. I said I would never yell at my children.
How could I ever lose my temper with my sweet babies? I would be the mother who always spoke gently and kindly and never let them frustrate me.
I know not one mother who has never lost her cool with her children. Do I make a habit out of it? No. Is it wrong? Yes. But have I ever yelled at my children? Regretfully, I have.
5. I said I would never want to work.
I grew up with a stay-at-home mom, and I knew from a young age that if I ever married and had children that I would want to stay at home. It is still my goal, and I have been blessed with ways to be able to work from home, making me primarily a stay-at-home mom.
But something I never expected to experience was the actual desire to want to take in some work from home. Even if we could afford for me to never bring in a dime, I think I would still want to write.
Thank you for keeping it real. I think more mom bloggers should follow in your footsteps. Some seem to want you to think they are “perfect”. I have even run across some who seem a little judgmental.
Andrea @the Distracted Housewife.com
I have run across this exact problem too many times to count. I blog about being VERY imperfect and I have had a few other bigger bloggers look down at me or act like I’m crazy. It’s so refreshing when a blogger keeps it real like this.
I said I would never buy Barbies. Then, one day when she was 4 yrs old, my oldest wandered into the Barbie isle at the toy store and exclaimed, with all the wonder and amazement of a sweet child, “Oooooohhhhh Mommy! Just look at aaalllll the princesses!”
That’s all it took. I caved right then and there. 🙂
Love your blog 🙂 I remember once seeing someone swipe at their child’s runny nose with their hand…I thought that it was the most disgusting thing ever! But yesterday at the playground my little guy sneezed snot & blood everwhere and I didn’t think twice about swiping it with my hand and pinching his nose to make the bleeding stop…even though it really does gross me out thinking about it! Ick!
I said I would never give my child even an ounce of formula. But then she had a lot of trouble latching when she was a newborn and it took a lot of work for her to get the hang of nursing. There came a point when we had been up for hours in the middle of the night trying to nurse and it just wasn’t working. I was crying from exhaustion and frustration and she was crying from hunger and frustration, so I gave her a couple ounces of formula so that we could both get some sleep before trying again in the morning. Now she nurses like a pro and we don’t have to do that anymore, but there were a couple times when formula was the best option.
Let’s see….when I was pregnant with my first I swore I would never use formula. Turns out my milk supply was and still is low, so sometimes I had to give my first formula. By the time I had my second, I knew it would be the same and I had to get over it quickly. I swore I would not let my daughter get sucked into Disney Princess stuff. Well, after a trip to Disneyland she decided she really likes the Princesses. Took me a few years to finally figure out I can’t control her environment 100% and being flexible is the best gift I can give myself.
After riding in other peoples cars that smelled like old French fries and you could find old raisins in between the seats I swore I would never let my kids eat in the car!! Well that went out the window very quickly. You can find raisins, cereal and maybe even an old in n out burger in my car! However I have happy kids 🙂
For sure TV… from 3-11 months, she got max an hour a day, now that I am pregnant with number 2 on the way, I am exhausted and sometimes mommy needs a 20 minute break, so she gets a little extra TV. My mom always reminds me that the TV was ALWAYS on when I was growing up and I “turned out just fine.” It’s all about balance.
i said that i would never let my children be one of those kids who melts down in the store. HA! bet you can guess how that one went. while my little boys are pretty well behaved, sometimes my childs sin nature manifests itself in a temper tantrum. when it happens, often when i stop and talk to him it is enough to calm him and we can finish our shopping in peace, while other times i’m that mom who is quickly finishing her shopping while holding the hand of a little boy who is in full on melt down mode. (cuz let’s face it, sometime mommy can’t drop everything and leave. sometimes mommy just has to finish things up at the store). i no longer throw dirty looks to that mom with the bawling toddler, but instead try to show her compassion and say a prayer for her, cuz i’ve definitely been there.
I say that I will never spank my child. And like you said, I wouldn’t know until I’m in the situation. But sadly, I’m a bit too young to have kids. But growing up under violent disciplines from my parents had really set my older sibling into the wrong path in life with lots of hatred, anger and pain. I really admire your children with such a greater mother, hopefully I would be a good one one day.
what you experienced does NOT sound like a loving form of spanking or caring discipline, but sounds like parents out of control. spanking should never be violent or frequent. one firm smack on the clothed fanny for persistent deliberate and dangerous disobedience is fine (like if the child runs out into the street) and sometimes necessary, but should be done in a calm loving way, explaining why you had to do it and how much you love them and forgive them. It should never be done in anger but only for a reason and the child’s good and never just because a parent is embarrassed over her kid’s behavior. It should be FOR the child. If you are spanking your kids every day or even every week or month, it is not at all healthy and loses it’s meaning and shock value. I only remember being spanked twice as a kid, but it was memorable then, and only for very bad behavior. once when I trashed my room and broke everything because I was mad, and once when I climbed on the roof of the house and my dad injured his back getting me down.
A. Spanking IS a violent act. You are purposely inflicting pain on another human being – a helpless one at that.
B. You should not HIT your child, then tell them you forgive them! What kind of logic is that? It is you who needs to be forgiven. (Your child loves you and trusts you to protect them from harm so you physically hurt them?)
C. Spanking a child is NEVER an “ok”, “non-violent” act! Think about how much of an oxy-moron that is! No matter if you do it once a month or every day! You are giving this individual some very misguided advice!
D. Physically hurting a child does NOT teach them right from wrong! And let me guess…..you “teach” your children not to hit, correct? LOL SMH
How about you settle down a bit there Giggles! I understood quickly from your reply you’re not into spanking. Ok fine. But then to crucify someone and in such a hateful and condescending tone really isn’t necessary. We are all mothers and do the best we can at the time. So step off your “LOL’ing” high horse before you plummet off.
You know what? I would rather swat my toddler on the diapered hiney when they run in the street than bury a child. You cannot reason with an 18 month old.
The list of things I said I would never do that I now regularly do is hilarious…I would never have my infant sleep in the bed with us and would never nurse a baby to sleep…those are the two big ones that I chucked out the window pretty damn fast
One of my bog ones was wear I would change a diaper. I would see moms changing diapers in a disceetvspot on a bench or the floor at the mall, the park, wherever. I always looked at that and thought, why don’t they go to the bathroom or to their car… Then I had my own child and realized, there are big lines for changing tables, many changing tables are disgusting, no way I am putting my changing pad on that, NO place to change at park bathrooms… And have you tried to change a toddler on a car seat amongst all the other stuff you hall around… Yep, now I arrive at places and think, “hm, that could be a private spot for a change, or over there…”
I said I would never be “that Mom” who didn’t spank her kids. That’s what turns them into little brats, right? But now that I have a little baby, and I’ve been reading so much about gentle parenting techniques… I dunno, I have a feeling I’ll be doing it less than I thought. I got a swift hard spanking whenever my dad was mad about what I had done, but I’m starting to see that in order to get respect, you have to give it. I’m not going to rule it out, but I can see all my “great ideas” about discipline getting an overhaul now that I have her.
I said I would never sleep holding my baby. At four months old my little one has terrible gas at night keeping us both awake. I sleep propped up in bed and everytime he gets a gas bubble, I cuddle him til he falls back asleep. Is it prefrrable? NO! Is it better than accidentally falling asleep feeding him or driving, yes. Do I feel guilty? Every single day.
there has got to be a million things I said I would never do as a mother. after having two boys every single item on that list went out the window, from formula feeding to sleeping in the same bed to potty training. I even thought I was not going to be one of those moms that makes different dishes for different children, boy was I wrong!!!!
I say i’ll never take my kids 2 preschool. i wd like being with them 4 tht long, bt as u’ve said; i will nt know untill… Thanks 4 ur great talk, they’ve given m light 2 wait 4 the situation. So i wil not call them my follies… instead… Thank You So Much.
I said I would never feed my children mac and cheese for lunch. That is not a meal! Oops…guess what it is a meal and if you add tuna…well now it is a complete meal! Lol
I too am a stay at home mom who writes for my local papers. I love both worlds and as a freelancer, can do less work when i need more home. After two babies in a foreign country, away from family and far from friends, I was so ready to get dressed one or two days a week. Yet I would not give up being a homemaker even when offered a position to be groomed as editor. Thanks for the reinforcement and encouragement. Yeah, I’ve done all of your ten things too, except the preschool so far 😉
When I was a kid I loved road trips. We had to look out the window and play games like the alphabet game and license plate game. I said my kids wouldn’t have a DVD player in the car. Well that didn’t last long. My baby girl hates her car seat and car rides. We were going to see her Grandparents that are 6 hours away. I bought a DVD player, she was only 5 months old. But it is a lifesaver on those long car rides!
We were visiting a friend one day and their son gagged whenever she wanted him to eat something he didn’t want. Not something he didn’t like because he would be eating it fine and then get distracted and decide he didn’t want any more. On the way home I told my husband there was no way I would ever allow my child to get away with that. Guess what my son started doing not 2 weeks later? And there was NOTHING I could do about it!!
Your list is very similar to mine! I definitely can relate to the work thing. From a very young age all I wanted to be was a stay-at-home mom. Thank God he provided a husband who wanted the same and a couple of kids to stay at home with. I grew up with a mom who thought that if a mom worked, whether from home or outside of the home, that she wasn’t giving her all to her kids. I now run my own business from home and it is so rewarding! My kids are learning the values of hard work and determination!
On a funny note…I am pretty sure at some point pre-kids that I believed so strongly in my parenting abilities that my children would never throw a fit in public…. I’m at a point I can laugh about this now. 🙂
I said I would never let me babies sleep with me. It is amazing how the need for sleep changes your mind when the only place your newborn will sleep is on your chest.
I said I would never put fluffy dresses on my daughter or deck her out in pink. As soon as she was born, I couldn’t stop putting her in fluffy dresses and everything had to be pink and purple!
I said I’d never let my children eat fries…. Now I am just happy they are eating!
I said I would never own a white car and it most certainly would NEVER be a minivan when I had kids….. What beautiful piece of machinery sits in my driveway?? yep..a white minivan, and I LOVE it!
Chris Turner Pasek
My youngest daughter is 41 with a 4 yr old and an 18 month old. Her husband and her really sheltered the oldest one and he didn’t like car rides at all. He likes his “routine”. Now the 18 month old is his own person. He doesn’t sleep well (she still has to swaddle him using a pashmina to keep him down in the crib) and he needed to have an “extra harness” for the wooden high chair because he was standing up in it all the time. He loves to go in the car and will fall asleep in the car seat. She tells him not to do something and he continues to do it and she says “time out” and he puts himself in it. He decided to go potty after watching his brother go when they were visiting our house and now there is a sticker chart in the bathroom because the last couple of days he was telling her no he didn’t want to go. He LOVES corn dogs…..he loves chocolate….and he likes to sneak candy when ever he gets a chance and he will eat but not the vegetables the older one will eat. The older one LOVES vegetables and could get along without any meat and could care less about candy. Yep she is doing lots of things she said she would never do, especially with that younger one. Are they planning on another baby ? Who knows…. maybe that 2nd one broke the mold !
I always thought I’d teach professionally and let other people teach my kids. I know how being the teacher you have to push for excellence and being the mom you have to love them just the way they are. It does create difficulty. But here I am with a child with a learning disability and a high IQ. (When she was tested they looked at me strange and said “she qualifys for LD but she also qualifys for gifted) So here I am homeschooling and staying home with my kids and putting my teaching career on hold.
Diane Adamo Cassellius
I have a list and it’s huge. I think my biggest things are I would never:
-drive a mini van, like sports, put a bumper sticker on the back of my car……
No I am the proverbial soccer mom with the van AND the bumper sticker……Life with 5 kids!!!!