Healthy YouLife with a baby and a toddler can be incredibly overwhelming! I hope this letter will be an encouragement to you, mama!
This post is part of the Dear Mom Letters series.
Dear Mom of a Baby and a Toddler,
You, my dear, are in the trenches.
I have three children now–ages 1, 3, and 5. So, technically, I’m right there with you.
But, really? I’m not.
What I am going to tell you now, dear mama of a baby and a toddler, may just be revolutionary: My life was harder then than it is now.
I made it. And you will, too!
Looking back, I often wonder how I survived my second baby’s first year. My first two girls are just over two years apart in age. Yet, even at 28 months, my oldest was still in diapers.
The baby was constantly sick, and my toddler had undiagnosed food allergies that caused her to have chronic physical ailments and major mood swings.
Steeped in postpartum depression, anxiety plagued me every time we left the house.
My mantra of the day was: “I just can’t get it together. I just can’t get it together!!”
“God, please H-E-L-P me!”
My Facebook statuses consisted of the likes of “My child has smeared her poop on the wall…again.” and “Should I call poison control if my baby has eaten some of my toddler’s poop?”
I am sure I grossed people out. But it was my cry for help.
My mom joked that I should have been a pooptologist. Changing diapers and scrubbing potty accidents from the carpet consumed my days.
I turned 30 three weeks after my second baby was born, and I quickly traded in any stylish clothes from my 20s with booger-encrusted, snot-smeared sweats.
I lived the mom frump.
Getting out the door was a nightmare. For some reason I thought it would benefit me to be involved in not one but in two in-depth Bible studies each week. This meant getting out the door by 9 a.m. two mornings per week–with an infant and a toddler.
Did I have the diapers? Did I have the pull-ups? Did I have their wipes and sippy cups and snacks and hairbows? And where were their jackets and their socks and their shoes?
That time I locked my keys in the car on the day I was supposed to be keeping nursery? I almost lost it.
After a while, I decided not to leave the house any more.
I stayed home. I was utterly embarrassed. I lived in a daze.
And in my darkest moments I mulled over in my head how my life was harder than everyone else’s.
(Oh how humbling…how incredibly humbling!…that is to admit!)
But you know what? It all was but a blip in time.
Dear Mama of a Baby and a Toddler,
If you are overwhelmed right now, know that it does get better.
Things changed when baby #3 came along. I don’t know if it’s that the depression had subsided or if I just felt more comfortable in my not-so-new-anymore mama skin, but things just got easier.
I have to laugh when I think back over this past year with three: We leave the house with the bare minimum possible. You see, once baby girl #3 arrived, I realized that I just could never have all three perfectly dressed and just together all at the same time.
And I embraced that.
Baby Girl has gone without hairbows. She is now 15 months and has worn shoes all of maybe five times in her life.
And when I drop her off at the church nursery I don’t even leave a diaper bag. “No bag? No snacks? No bibs or pacifiers?”
“Nope,” I laugh. “Here’s a diaper in case she needs changing.” And I hand it over–one.single.diaper.
I pinch myself at my new-found confidence–how I can get out of my mini van without feeling my blood pressure rising, even if my kids are screaming…(which happens, often).
My days are still not easy. No, sometimes they are very, very hard–but I delight in each of my three girls. They are one of the greatest joys in my life.
I wouldn’t trade any one of them for the world.
Those days when I had a baby and a toddler were not all bad. But they were not at all easy. And without postpartum depression, perhaps they would have been more manageable.
Regardless, mothering a baby and a toddler at the same time is always a challenge.
Dear Mama of a Baby and a Toddler,
I know life may be very overwhelming right now. Sometimes you just want to throw up your hands in the air and cry.
I know that you sometimes tell God that you don’t know what He was thinking when He made you a mother.
(I promise you…He knew exactly what He was doing when He picked you to mother your children!)
I know that sometimes you feel frumpy and lonely and at your wit’s end.
It will get better.
Go in grace, Mama. Go in grace.
Amy Talbott
I am a mom of 5. The oldest is 5.
Before the youngest was born I was doing pretty good with 4, days were stressful and money is tight but things were managed ok….. when I wasn’t pregnant that is. (Which wasn’t often!)
But my youngest has been different. She was in the NICU at birth, then at 2 months we almost lost her when she got face down in her bed.
I have been a nervous wreck for most of the past 6.75 months.
I have decided that even in the dark days and even in the trenches we much Fight for Joy.
*must
Each day has its own struggles. Somedays I have it all figured out and can handle everything.
The next day I am crying over a sink of dirty dishes asking God why did he make me a mom because I feel like a total failure.
We cannot trust these emotional swings. Our enemy goes around like a roaring lion seeking who he can destroy. We must fight
And we must fight for Joy.
Thank you for this post. It brought tears to my eyes.
Jamie K.
Your advice is beautiful ❤️❤️❤️
Jennifer S.
So well said. I have eight now and it really does get better. Sometimes when I home with just the baby and toddler I hardly know how to do it. 🙂 And I wonder how I managed just two so many years ago. You are right that are expectations of ourselves changes and as we give ourselves more grace it becomes easier. The problems don’t disappear, but we seem to handle them better.
Donna Crawford
My oldest was 2.5 when my twins were born. My absolute worst was the morning the twins had tagged teamed me all night and I had NO sleep. None. My husband worked long hard hours which allowed me to stay home with the kids but meant he couldn’t help much at night. He woke to find me bawling holding our sleeping son who woke crying as soon as you set him down. My husband took the baby and told me to get my bible out and spend a few minutes with God before he had to head to work. My reading that day was Jesus’ suffering and death on the cross. What did I have to complain about? I had 3 healthy kids and a wonderful husband. My suffering(?!) was nothing compared to what Jesus went through! Was I still tired? yes but God gave me the comfort to make it through that day and many others.
After that day I always kept a bible in my bathroom. Every potty break for mom meant I could read at least part of a Psalm, some of the most comforting words there are. My kids are all teenagers now but that’s my number one advice for mothers of young children. Keep your bible close!
Vanessa
Wow, thank u for that very simple but very much well needed advice, keeping ur bible in the bathroom and reading during potty breaks.! Thank u so much for sharing.
April
Thank you. I will remember this. I am 33 weeks along and we have a five year old and a 15 month old. Gonna need all the help I can get!
Kristie
So glad to have read this post! I felt like my head was spinning so much of the time. I was so so so angry at my husband for not helping me with the new babies but with our last one, it clicked, thankfully that he wasn’t sleeping all that well either then going to work all day until night! Grace is work when mom is soooooo exhausted. Getting to know God and His ways have been life/marriage changing. Our kids have reached the next stage, toddler, K, 5th grader and college. Days don’t feel quite like a pressure cooker like they were mostly due to more sleep. But staying in His Word & being intentionally joyful, purposely seeking out the blessings in every day have helped so much. If mom needs to nap on the couch while toddler and baby are in separate play pens in the living room… do it! Perfection is an illusion. Prioritizing what realistically needs to happen and keep it simple… Oh, any time you make dinner if you’re able, double it and freeze the rest. So much less cooking!!! Congrats & blessings, enjoy the new stages of your growing family. <3
Katie Rutecki
Hi there! I’m not sure if you’ll ever see this, but if you do, please know that your reply brought me to tears and I screenshot it to save on the hard days! I have a 2 year old and a 1 month old. Some days are easier than others haha
nicole
I needed to read your comment. I have twins and a toddler. There have been many days and nights ive cried but putting his suffering into perspective is humbling
Jules
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Tiffany
Thank you! I have a newly 4 year old, almost 3 year old, 1 1/2 year old. It’s been amazingly hard and wonderful. Thank you for the encouragement and the view at an easier future.
Molly
My first two boys are 19 months apart, and are currently one month shy of turning three and 16 months. Having a baby and a two year old was much easier, I thought, then having two rambunctious toddlers! I always have at least one of them hanging on me desperately for something….and the amount of work they create in messes with toys, emptying cabinets, the couch cushions, the food that gets dumped under the table, taking all the books off the bookshelves….oh my gosh, my carpets do not get vaccummed for months at a time because all I can manage is the general putting away of things throughout the day!
But it is blessed, I know, and the truth is that I don’t need the sympathy of others in order to feel that this work is validated. For a season, I felt that a pity party was clearly the best route, and if only I could express how hard this was, then somehow someone would make it better. But now I see that God does not allow me “to be tempted beyond what I am able” and that He really has provided a way out of my overwhelming parenting “failures” by showing me that the victory is found in my inability, not my capability, as His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
Bless all of you mamas out there! Just keep your heads up and your eyes peeled for the escape He has provided!
Jessica Lambert
Your comment about a “pity party” being the best route was like a lightbulb going off in my head. I often feel I need to tell my poor husband about all the bad parts of my day at home with the kids so he understands why the house isn’t clean and dinner isn’t ready. But he didn’t ask for an explanation, nor did he make me feel guilty for the mess. He’d probably rather not attend my nightly pity parties…. so it’s probably time to stop having them and to rejoice in the good together instead
Katie Rutecki
I needed to read this! Thank you!!
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace
This was so encouraging, Erin! I am gearing up to leave the house and I dread it. At home, I can manage. But heading out of the house can be such a headache. And then other days I have to laugh at the absurdity of situations I find myself in. Sometimes I wonder if there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for sharing this, friend! It really encouraged me today.
Donna Crawford
One of the best days ever is when you can tell them to get in the car and buckle up. And they do!
Asha
Thank you. .with tears in my eyes
website
There’s a secret about your post. ICTYBTIHTKY
Amber
You are right on. My first two are 18 months apart & when my second was born, my FIL was in the hospital for 3 months already & was having a difficult week. A week later, when he finally got to meet her (he was in IC so we couldn’t take her to meet him until he went to hospice) he passed. So add that stress to our family plus a newborn & a toddler. I honestly have no idea how we survived. It did cause us to give up on having 4 kids as planned. We just didn’t see how it would happen without me losing my sanity. Well shortly after my second turned 2 and life was manageable again & of course after I gave away all my baby stuff (grandmother warned me about it) we decided we were ready for baby #3. She arrived this pass Sept & it’s nothing like the first two. Since we had no baby stuff except the things my sister kept that I gave her, it was so much less stress not worrying about having everything you’re told you need. No diaper bag, just a few in my purse, a cover to feed & a burp rag, no crib/bassinet, we bought another rock n roll sleep that helped us cosleep last time, a bottle cause she ebf and no to the million gadgets that we had to have the first time around. A ton less stress & frustration this time around even with money issues & living arrangements being changed when we brought her home. It just amazes me how much more confident I am in the mothering now. We plan on baby 3 & 4 being 18 months apart too since I don’t like regressing 3 year olds…I’d rather deal with 2 little people at one time then a potty trained pre-k wetting herself for attention. And when he or she comes, I with still boycott a diaper bag, but def have to give into getting the mini van.
Courtney
Thanks for this post. So encouraging. This was me last year. I’m thankfully on the other side of it now, but I still struggle somedays.
Breanna
Thank you! I have a daughter almost 3 and a son that’s 7 months and all I can say is thank you!
Jaime @ Slightly Steady
Oh my goodness, I needed this today. This is where I am Right. Now. My DD is 2 1/2, and potty trained….mostly. My son is 10 months old and still hasn’t slept through the night. I stay home basically all the time because it’s just too hard to go anywhere….thank you so much for the hope!!!
Jasmine
Yes! This was God’s word to me today.
I have a 3 yr old, an almost-2-yr-old and a 4mth old baby!
I am alone day and night since my husband works out of state and although I want to enjoy this time with my kids, it’s tough just to keep everything together! I never have time to just be a woman and not a mom.
This was such an encouragement and I needed it.
Thank you, Erin!
Kaleena
I am so glad I came across this post. It’s been a rough day. I have two boys: one will be three in less than two weeks, and the other is 14.5 months. My oldest is potty training, so we’re dealing with lots of wet undies and poop. My youngest HATES to have his diaper changed…it’s like trying to diaper an octopus. With all the parenting and activity going on for the holidays now and keeping up on the home stuff and church commitments, I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water. It’s nice to hear that others have been where I am and have come out just fine. I am glad to hear it gets easier…I needed to be reminded of it. Thanks!
Sky
Thank you.
Hilary
I love this post, Erin! It is SO true. This perfectly describes my life three years ago … oh, how the time flies. Now my youngest is turning 4. I can vividly remember what trying times I had, but the toddler and baby stage is gone! And part of me misses having such little ones around.
Alicia
I am so there right now! A 22 mo old and a 7 wk old wiith reflux and random vomiting episodes. Nursing is challenging, and i have yet to leave my house alone with my two girls. Just cant seem to muster up the courage to attempt it.
Often i feel alone, and too have to remind myself that it will get better!
Erin
It WILL get better! Be encouraged!
Jules
I absolutely love everything you just conveyed. What I also love equally, are all these mommas commenting here saying ‘thank you God that I’m not the only one who doesn’t have it together!’ I would imagine, there are very few if any that actually do! It’s such a tough job being a mom, so much pressure to do everything right and sometimes, when things fail miserably it can be comforting to hear another mom tell you they’ve been there and they’ve made it through. In a time where it feels like many women are not there for each other but are competitive and arguing over silly things, this was really refreshing.
Oh and I have four under four so needless to say, I get it! Thanks so much for your honesty and encouragement!
Erin
Thank you for YOUR encouragement, Jules!
raisingcropsandbabies
For me, the number that got me was 3… I had 3 kids in 2-1/2 years. The oldest was 2-1/2, then 1 year old, and the youngest was a newborn. I was soooo busy and had to go to appts. for my oldest who has special needs. It was so hard.
What helped me:
-going from the mentality of, “I got this. I don’t need help” to “I will NEVER turn down help”. As soon as I let people carry things or babies for me in and out of buildings, load groceries in my van, etc… the less I had to do. IT WAS MAGIC!!! And a lot of times, people want to help you when they see you with lots of little ones…
-asking my husband the top 3 things he wanted to see when he got home. I never was able to get all the cleaning done and all that. When I asked him, I was shocked to discover it was a meal from scratch, sweet tea in the fridge, no laundry on the couch, and a wife who wasn’t so tired she was a zombie when he got home. Well, that was 4, but you get my drift.
Karen
Thank you for this. I haven’t been the mom of a baby and a toddler,but I do have 15 month old twins. No hair bows, shoes only when necessary, and bathing daily…impossible! It has gotten so much easier. But your post made me feel better for thinking it was so hard.
Erin
Wow–twins!! You are a strong woman!! My sister has 2-year-old twins–and a 4-year-old single!
suz s.
I soooo needed to read this!!! I have a 4-mo-old and 22-mo-old … and postpartum depression. My husband decided to take parental leave, so he’s home for 9 months …. and I think that’s a huge source of guilt for me. He’s in the military, so it was important to him to be able to spend some quality time with out babies, because we never know when he’ll be around. But …. I have all that help from him … and I’m STILL a wreck! The daily narration in my head consists of an angry voice hollering “why can’t you pull it together?! what’s wrong with you?!” My husband and I don’t believe in birth control, but I’ve been finding myself avoiding intimacy for fear of getting pregnant again. I often feel like God made a mistake giving me two kids and I doubt that I could handle another one! So … thank you for letting me know that it will get better and that I’m not alone in the stress and helplessness!
And as a side note …. you ladies keep mentioning the whole leaving the house without shoes dealio. Well, my toddler rarely even has socks! There’s just no point, because she rips them off within minutes of me putting them on … and if it happens in the van or the store, I’m hard-pressed to even find them again! But every time I take the kids anywhere, there’s always a judgemental someone (or two or three) who stop at the stroller and let me know that I’m a bad mom. Of course, they don’t speak to me directly (cuz that would be “rude!”) …. they just say to my toddler “where are your shoes and socks?! did you leave your house without them? …. that’s not good … you’re going to get cold!” And then they shake their heads somberly, and glance at me out of the corner of their eyes, hoping that I caught the hint …. and I stand there with a stiff smile, pretending to be oblivious, and biting my tongue with ALL my might. Seriously … if I had a nickel for the times I’ve heard that …. I could afford a nanny whose ONLY job would be to put shoes and socks on my toddler …. 30 times a day!!!
Erin
I am so sorry you are going through a rough time, Suz! I know how you feel–except I think it would be a lot harder with a husband gone in the military. I pray God helps you through this season. It WILL get better! I feel like it’s just been the past 6 months or so that a near-3-yearfog has lifted. I didn’t even realize how deep the fog was. Try to ignore those judgmental people! I have to bite my tongue not to say: “You come get my kids dressed!” LOL!!
Kari
I’ve never thought of it sa fog before, but that perfectly describes the feeling I have. I’m encouraged I’m not the only one.
Joy
Suz, I am so sorry that you are going through that. I can relate to your frustrations as I have felt them also. I have had a sister in-law who has nit picked everything and anything possibly imperfect about my children’s appearances, it greatly upset me. My babies also do not usually wear socks in the summertime (we do live in OK so the weather is usually hot). My husband and I also do not use birth control and have 4 children ages 5,4, 2, and 8M. I think that people just generally seem to look down their nose or judgmental to us moms who have children close in age. I am so used to getting odd comments that one day at Walmart when a older gentleman asked me if I knew where the candy aisle was, I thought that he was about to make a wise crack joke relating the candy aisle to my 4 children and I was taken a back when I realized he was seriously wanting me to point him to it. Lol. Hang in there Mama, you are not alone!
Kari
I needed this. 2 years ago. I have a 3 and 2 yo. Yes i asked for it. Yes I wanted babies close together in age. What I didn’t know is the challenges of just getting up in the morning. Just getting dressed. Just trying to feed them. I was nursing and that was a huge relief, when she nursed. My daughter had colic and my son couldn’t understand why I couldn’t drop everything for him anymore. Going back to work was a blessing and a crushing blow. I wanted to stay home with them but I knew I’d have those melt downs and it wasn’t fair to my babies. Today, we are an awesome unit. Those 2 years brought us so far and I feel like they are my best friends. I couldn’t have done any of it without my partner, my best friend, my husband. He was my solid rock. I love my children more than anything and I just wish I had more support and more education about what we were going through.
Erin
I love hearing they are your best friends…I feel the same about mine!
Deb
Nice post. I had 3 kids in 3 yrs. and 5 mos. and all before I turned 27 yrs. of age. I didn’t find it all that ahrd to get out the door with all of us dressed and diaper bag at the ready. of course they didn’t do daycare ever. If we went out couple times/yr. my younger sis or mom watched them a few hrs., not long as breastfeeding was being done. I ahd 2 in cloth diapers twice. 4 doz. for 2 kids. I was a SAHM till the oldest was about 12 maybe, and then worked part time only while they were in school. Actually I did good and was rarely late to church, familky gatherings, etc. You just allow more time to get ready. I did lots of gardening and canning and etc. even while having the youngest under 1 yr. old. I worked during naps, the best time. That with the first quitting naps at age 3, the second quitting at 2, and the last quitting naps at age 1. They ‘rested’, but no napping past those ages. It is a challenge and with school came 3 kids graduating in 2004, 2005, 2006, then college 2009, and 2010. the oldest had college courses through one of his jobs, but never completed all for a degree. It can be done, I did and didn’t really think about it, it was jsut life, and there was no option in the matter. 🙂 Youd o what you have to do.
Deb
I might add that I never had help with cleaning house,dishes, laundry, cooking, etc. Hubby worked alot and had no time to help. But I was much younger and could go 14-16 hrs./day so that helped. i was much slimmer also. 🙂
Kristin
Almost the same story here, 4 kids in 5 years. Husband is a fireman, so lots of time on my own. It can be done!
Erin
Thanks for sharing!
Erin
Wow! That is a lot!
Rochelle
It can be done, but emotions and horomones can hugely factor in. Two babies in 23 mos with several moves, grad school and working part time (bring my baby with me) wore me out. And I was young (24-26).
Now I have 4 children (6, 4, 2, 7 weeks), have no help and we are doing SO much better. But I’m taking better care of myself with nutritian and proper diet/exercise and rest. The Lord has been gracious and I actually need less sleep now than I did then (and my 3rd and 4th babies have slept tons better!!). I just say this to point out there are *many* factors to consider and while you coped very well in one situation, you might have struggled in another. Be gracious.
Joy
Thanks for sharing Rochelle. Would you mind sharing how you changed your habits so that you got to be healthier? I am really struggling with that area in my life. I have had 4 children in a 5 year time period and have lately had several health issues come up, not significant ones but enough to make a difference and I am really trying to focus more on my nourishment and nutrition. I would love to hear how another Mama did it! 🙂
Kelly
Your blog couldn’t have found me at a better time. I have 3 boys, the babies are 19 months and 6 months. Some days I just pray we survive. Don’t always get a shower or make it to appointments on time or anywhere else for that matter. The different stages are a challenge to deal with at the same time. I actually have people offering assistance in almost every public place I end up with out daddy. then there’s my oldest who’s 9 and ADHD, poor guy probably feels like he lives at a daycare. But at the end of every day we are still for the most part in one piece, and after all I WOULDN’T CHANGE A THING…. but much encouragement needed. THANKS for today’s dose.
Erin
It makes me smile to know you were encouraged! I pray you know you are NOT alone!!
Susan Alexander
Each child – new and different challenges. But, by far, each additional child has been less difficult than the one before. For me, one was the hardest. Such a huge shift in my life to suddenly be a MOM. And she wasn’t easy. Then 21 months later, #2 – also difficult, especially since my husband was deployed the first few months, but yet, somehow easier because I had done it already. 20 months later, #3 – challenging to get the hang of all these kids, but still easier with the baby. 19 months later, #4 – she has by far been the easiest – partly it’s personality, but partly it’s also confidence of being a mother. And there is something to be said for children close in age who can play together while you tend baby. 😉
Erin
I do think confidence in motherhood has a lot to do with the subsequent children being “easier”–at least for me!
Rochelle
Definitely! The baby thing does seem to improve with practice. 🙂
Kristin
I can relate to this post. I gad 4 girls in just under 5 years. My first were premie twins who required a lot more care and attention than your average child, followed by 2 more who are 15 months apart. I never stopped putting in hair bows and fixing hair, packing an appropriate diaper bag, or doing any of the “extra” or nonessential things for my babies. What it stopped doing was thinking I could do all the extras outside of the house. When you have young children you need to put your focus on what you need to do vs. what you want or what other people want of you. So many new moms think their life will go on just the same but with kids in tow. I was guilty of that too for a short time. Having twins as my first made me realize I couldn’t do it all quicker than most and I was able to adjust. So if I had anything to say to new mothers it would be to ignore everything that can be ignored, focus on your kds, and make peace with the fact that you can’t just get up and run at a whim anymore.
Erin
“When you have young children you need to put your focus on what you need to do vs. what you want or what other people want of you.” AMEN!
claudia
Thank you ladies for sharing!I am a mommy to a 28 month old tazmanian devil lol..and there are days that I seriously ask myself what I got myself into??? But I do adore him to pieces. Myhusband and I have decided to stop at one child for many reasons mmostly health on my side. I get sad sometimes but then I look at my sweet litle boy and realize that HE was a miracle! I LOVE how all you mommas are soooo real!
Jennifer DeFrates
The fact is that God gave us the right children and gave the right parents to our children. But the first year of my daughter’s life, my husband was deployed, and I was teaching full time 14 hours from the closest family. I felt overwhelmed, alone, at my wit’s end. But there was her, this tiny thing that is just the center of my heart. She taught me that there are more important things than a clean house. She taught me to spend more time singing and praying and less time crying. She changed me from the inside out. But there are still days I just say nope, not going out. And we don’t, we snuggle, read, play in her tent, and love each other like there is no tomorrow.
Katie Rutecki
This is beautiful and I want to do the same with my 2 kids! Enjoy the time now and housework will get done eventually (a struggle of mine to want my house clean like it used to be before kiddos haha)
Alicia
Thank you so much for this post! My oldest is about to turn 3 and her little sister is 1.5, and I am due any day now with our third. Some days I just think “What were we thinking”! But it is always overshadowed by the joy my girls bring me.
The comment about leaving a bible in the bathroom, what great advise! Thank you!
People think I’m crazy when I tell them that both of my girls have chores around the house, but AHHHH how nice when I can ask my 2 year old to clean the living room and about 10 min later it is spotless! I haven’t had to clean my living room in about a month (I do have to vacuum because she is scared of the vacuum). She is so proud of herself and I get 10 min of “I don’t have to worry about what she is getting into” time.
Elisabeth
oooh it’s nice to know I’m not the only one!!
Nicole Joniec
My Advice- if you have a “friend” who likes to say- “it only gets harder- enjoy them while they are small!”….then avoid them like the plague and read this blog again. I HATE it when I am having a hard time and someone says- “little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems.” or….”It doesn’t get easier!”…..Because even if thats the truth- who wants to hear that when they are scraping for each and every last scrap of their sanity every day? No one. Mine are 2, 4, and 6 and I still feel like I am “in the trenches”. But, I am thankful that there are bloggers out there who are real and who make you feel human instead of sub-human. Thank you, Humbled Homemaker.
Amanda
Thank you, thank you, thank you! My oldest just turned 6 and baby #5 is due in 3 months. Between homeschooling, hubby’s 2 jobs, and my full-time job, I’m feeling really frazzled and not good enough lately! This post was such a breath of fresh air, and couldn’t have shown up in my facebook feed at a better time.
Rachel
It’s encouraging to hear that no everyone “has it together.” I have 4 children 4 and under-2 boys ages 4 and 2 and twin girls that are 9 months old. Some days I feel like such a bad mom because I didn’t take time to play with each one or the house is such a mess. But I know that God only asks for our best and that’s all I can do. It helps to take the time to shower and get ready in the morning so I can at least feel human-I try to squeeze it in while the girls are napping and the boys are watching a movie (yes they get far too much tv these days, but it’s something I’ve had to give in on temporarily.) The days are certainly getting easier as the twins become more independent. And last month I met a lady in my mother of twins club who is overwhelmed to be expecting twins and has a 2 and a 4 year old. I’m glad that I was able to be a success story for her to be encouraged by (no it is NOT easy, but it is possible to succeed.) I know that it is the Lord who gives me grace and strength for each day. There is no way I could do this otherwise. I have not just survived this phase, but I have actually enjoyed it-God is good and I am blessed to be their mommy.
Lisa @ This Pilgrim Life
I would definitely agree that it gets easier. I have three children (4, 2, 9mo) and I have felt like the transition to my third was easier too. For the most part, my oldest too were able to play well together while I attended to the baby. It actually was nice to be able to relax (a little!) because they were content to do their own thing for a lot of the time. Some days certainly are crazy (I had a hard day today) but the older and more independent they become, the easier it is.
Thanks for sharing this Erin. The perspective is really so helpful!
May
It gets easier! My two girls are 18 months apart. My oldest was diagnosed with a brain tumor a month after my youngest turned one. I now have 2 healthy girls, who adore each other. They are both potty trained (a huge help!). We became practiced in the art of getting out the house, going to all the doctors appointments. It is hard, but you will make it through. Focus on the important stuff. Pick your battles. Let them wear what they want (weather appropriate of course). And don’t stress. Your children love you. They don’t care if they have bows or matching socks. They care that Mama is there with them.
Erin
“Your children love you. They don’t care if they have bows or matching socks.” <----I love this! Praise God your little girl is ok now!
Sarah
Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you.
Erin
<3
Rachael
Love this! I wish I would have read this a year and a half ago. I have 3 kids – oldest is almost 3 and the twins are 18 months. My oldest was 17 months when my twins were born. Then we moved when the twins were barely 3 months old….I can totally relate to living in a fog. I am not the type to ever ask for help, and God has REALLY humbled me through the past couple years. It feels great to know I wasn’t alone – nor am I now! Thanks Erin, your blog is so encouraging to SAHM moms like me.
Claire
Thank you so so much Erin! Your words spoke right to my heart, and encouraged my latest blog post. I am 4 1/2 months pregnant and have an 11-month-old, and during early pregnancy, I genuinely questioned on some days whether I would make it through the day. I live in the UK, the land of cynicism, and those with older kids have a tendency to use the “just you wait” lines rather than actually encouraging us mothers of younger kids, and sometimes it is just so hard to get through the “trenches” time with little or no encouragement and hope for the future! So thank you. You have helped me more than you know.
Narina
Thank you for this article, although my children are not that small anymore, my son is 7 and my daughter turned 5 end of March this year, I’ve been there with a toddler and a baby. It defnitely does get easier, the homework is a lot, I still have to work every day and my children is at school, aftercare, creche and sometimes with my mom. But I must also say that I don’t know how I would have done it without the help of my mother, working full time and being a part-time mom is not the easiest thing to do.
My dream was always to be a full-time mother and have some kind of job or something that brings in the money on a part time basis, but I was not that lucky.
I always feel guilty about the house that is in permanent chaos and that I do not spend the time with the children I’m supposed to, but I still have the most beautiful gifts from God ever and He has been soo good to me.
To all the mothers out there, remember that God is thanking us every day for looking after His precious gifts that is on loan to us. And in return we should not forget that every day given to us is only by the grace of God.
mamaten
im a mom to two amazing boys. a 2yo and 8month old. when things get tough, ’cause sometimes the husband becomes one of the kids too, i pray. hard. intently. sometimes with tears even. follow these Pause. Resist first impulse. Ask the Holy Spirit. Yield, not yell, to the Holy Spirit. then i do my best in whatever i can and surrender to God things i cannot control. i ask for courage, strength, protection, wisdom and all the good things i need in taking care of my kids and family. oh, and self.
Aline Kaehler
I’m right there! Baby #1 is 2yo and today baby #2 is 1mo… they are really mellow kids, but it can get hectic…
Great post!
Katie Rutecki
Same! Great kids same ages as yours but it gets loud and hectic for sure!
Lauren
I guess you could say I’m the mother of a baby (8 months) and a baby (20 months). Actually my children are one day shy of a year apart. This post really resonated with me. My little guy just recently started crawling, which is the stage I find the most difficult. My dream in life was/is to be a wife and mother, but lately I’ve begun to doubt that because I feel so inadequate. My house is a wreck and it’s hard to not feel imensely guilty about that because I know it bothers my husband (even if he never mentions it). I love my children more than life itself, but I often feel like a failure at the end of the day because I wasn’t as kind as I wished I was. I’m relieved to know that other mothers have felt this way and that it was just a phase. I often see posts from bloggers about how they manage to run their eight or ten person households. To be honest, i know how they do that delegation and team work; I want to know how they did it when there were only kids under three or four. Thanks for reminding me that sometimes having everyone dressed, fed, and recently changed is something to feel proud of. That this isn’t the time for doing it all and that I don’t have to hold myself to those impossibly high standards- I too am an over achiever.
Jules
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Meredith
My first two are 23 months apart and my 2nd and 3rd are three years apart. But for me, it definitely has been transitioning to three that has been the hardest. The toddler and infant was tough, but I feel so overwhelmed with three. So it’s good to hear that I will survive – or we shall see at least.
Erin
My 3rd is now 3, and my other two are 5 and 7 1/2. I promise it gets better. You will make it!! <3
Stephanie
I’m in the midst of this right now. My little guys are 21 months and 6 months old (15 months apart) and my ppd and anxiety make it so hard to just get out of the house for a simple store run. I get through though just by reminding myself that this is such a short season and I try to treasure everything that I can!
SarahH
I am a soon to be mother of a 2 yr old and baby. I dread the day it happens unfortunately. With my last child being born my mother was able to be there for me since my husband worked long hours. Now, my mother is taking care of her mother and my husband not only works long hours but graves. This absolutely helped me remember that there is someone else who would like to help me with my struggles. No matter how many times I want to argue with myself about following Gods will or my own I know His will always prevails and I need to ask for his comfort and guidance. Thank you so much
Tiffany H.
This was for me too. I have a 22 month old and an almost 3 month old. PPD isn’t as bad this time, but sometimes the days get really hard. And dark and lonely. But going out is a huge stress! Thank you for the encouragement, I know this time is passing so quickly!
Erin
I’m so glad you were encouraged!
Jvelasquez20
I’m 20 years old had my son who is now 2 years 3 months old at 18. And now pregnant with our 2nd child who’s due in April. I had really bad postpartum depression with my son for the first 1 and a half. I guess I’m more scared with this baby not for only the postpartum depression but for the guilt I been having about my son. He has all my attention since I’m a stay at home mom we do everything together and he gets to go to the park daily even when it snows he loves outside so I’m just scared when the baby comes he’s gona have a tough time sharing my attention. I been trying to read up on how to handle it . He’s already really clingy lately and very crabby also trying to get him potty trained before the baby comes has been a struggle. I love being a mom and even at a young age it was a blessing but I been feeling so guilty lately and I don’t know if it’s normal. I have a very big and supportive family but it’s difficult for me to admit how I’m feeling since they all think I did a great job with handling everything even having postpartum I tried hiding it but this post was very reassuring that everything will be okay.