Healthy You
I surveyed friends and readers to come up with this list of 10 things pregnant women WANT to hear. Try one of these the next time you see a pregnant friend!
A few weeks ago, I wrote about 10 things never to say to pregnant women. I realize now it may have come across a little negative–and maybe even left you floundering.
So if you shouldn’t ask a pregnant woman if she’s “about to pop” or if she’s having twins, then what in the world can you talk to her about?
I did a survey of some friends and readers to come up with this list of 10 things pregnant women want to hear. Try one of these out the next time you see a pregnant friend:
1. “You’ve never looked better!”
2. “It doesn’t matter your due date! No pressure if he or she isn’t here yet.”
3. “You look beautiful!”
4. “You are ALL belly!”
5. “God has blessed you so much!”
6. “You’re going to be a great mom!”
7. “Children are such a blessing. You’ll never regret this!”
8. “You’re wearing compression hose? I never noticed! I just thought you had a really amazing tan!”
9. “What can I do to help you now or after the baby arrives? Can I help you with your other children? Can I bring you a meal? Babysit while you go get a massage and pedicure?”
10. “You think your belly is growing…just wait until you see how big your heart will grow!”
So try these out the next time you run into a pregnant friend…or a stranger who happens to tell you she is pregnant. (Never, ever assume that someone with “the pregnant look” is!)
Are you expecting your own little one? Get FREE week-by-week pregnancy updates here!
What do you think every pregnant woman wants to hear?
Check out the other posts in this series:
- 5 Simple Tips for Combating Morning Sickness
- Reflections on my First Pregnancy
- 10 Reasons We Opted to Give Birth at a Birth Center
- Easing Leg Pain During Pregnancy
- Pregnancy Posts Around the Web
- A Tale of Two Births: Medicated vs. Natural Hospital Births, part 2
- A Tale of Two Births: Medicated vs. Natural Hospital Births, part 1
- How to Achieve a Natural Birth in a Hospital Setting
- Real Food Pregnancy Cheats/Shortcuts
- OB or Midwife: Finding the Birth Provider Who Works for You
- A Comparison of Birth Settings: Home, Hospital and Birth Center
- Resources for a Natural Pregnancy
- 10 Things Never to Say to Pregnant Women
- Hyperemesis Gravidarum: Much More than Severe Morning Sickness
*This post first appeared in my “Motherhood” column of the Mooresville Weekly newspaper.
Melissa
Well number 2 can backfire. It is possible to be as subconscious about being small as it is about being big. I was very small for my whole pregnancy and people used to tell me things similar to number 2, but it was always said in a way like they were questioning what was going on and that my baby was okay and healthy. He was, I just never got really big.
Hannah Tonce
Thanks I agree also, my sister in law is the same!
Holly
Same here. I only gained 10 lbs during my pregnancy (and I was already small before pregnancy). People made comments like #2 & it was not encouraging, it just made me worry that there was something wrong. However, my baby boy is now 9 months & a whopping 22 lbs, so all is well. 🙂
Melissa
Yes I agree as well! I was very small and people were always saying number two in that there must be something wrong tone of voice. Rule of thumb for pregnant women – you should never, ever comment on their size.
Melissa
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Melissa
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Melissa
I just realized this an own article and I am replying to my own comment. Haha! Pregnancy 2 and I still feel the same way.
Stephanie
It’s true about #2. I would not have thought about this until I had a complicated pregnancy. There are multiple health issues that can cause a mom to be either larger or smaller. I had a complicated pregnancy; my baby had a chromosome disorder that caused her to be very small among other issues. Every time someone would comment about my size, it was a constant reminder of the health issues my baby had and that she may not make it after birth. Our baby girl did pass away. It’s best not to comment on size but rather tell someone that they look great, or beautiful, etc.
Erin
This is really insightful. Thanks so much for the input. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Caitlyn
I agree with the comments on point #2. Calling a woman small is not always something she wants to hear. I never gained a lb with my second pregnancy, it was something I was very worried about – I wanted to gain weight. That pregnancy ultimately ended in a still birth. When someone would tell me that I was “So small” with any of the following pregnancies I can only say that what I experienced was PTSD. Never comment on someone’s size, unless you can tell what comment they are fishing for. Best to say, “Your body is looking exactly as it should!”
Lily
So true. My roommate from college had people asking her that question till she had her baby. She was not happy to hear that!
[email protected]
You know, I heard “You’re all belly!” all the time toward the end of my pregnancy with my first (currently only), and I had no idea what it meant. Reading this, if finally clicked, for some reason – it means all your baby weight is in your belly, right?? I wish I’d known that while pregnant – every time I heard it, I smiled and said thanks, but then thought like crazy “what does that mean??” and “does that mean my belly is super huge??” etc. Kinda funny now that I know it’s more of a compliment!! 😛
Erin
That’s what it means!
Holly
When I was getting my first blood draw at 5 weeks pregnant the lab guy was making small talk and asked if it was my first I said yes and joked that yeah I knew it was going to be a ton of work (all the stuff people always say) and he shocked me by pointing to a picture of his two girls one a baby and one a toddler and said that he loved being a dad and thought it was so fun, no regrets. I left feeling so encouraged.
Caroline
I have several people who always tell me that I have that pregnancy glow w/every single pregnancy. Or they’ll say something like “pregnancy becomes you” it’s such a blessing every time!
Megan Duncan
I always tell pregnant women the best parts of my pregnancy so that they can feel like they have something to look forward to. I don’t mention the hard parts because they will find those out for themselves, unless they ask me for advice or if it happened to me then of course I do. It is about helping each other through these things, and the negativity I saw in others throughout my pregnancy had me terrified of complications! I will never do that to a woman!
Robin
I love to say, “You have never looked more lovely.” “You truly have a glow.” “Babies are such blessings!”
Liz
I also have to disagree about #2. Please just don’t comment on my size in any manner! It is a touchy subject no matter what. My first pregnancy I was very small, lost too much weight in the beginning from being so sick, and wasn’t able to gain “enough” weight by the end of my pregnancy. I was tiny, and yes it was a sore subject! Thankfully my daughter was and is perfectly healthy.
katie
I agree with most. However, for some reason during this pregnancy (I’m a little over 38 weeks) the phrase “just wait”… No matter what it’s followed by… Has irritated me to no end. (I know it does w my pregnant friends too). I think it’s just bc it makes them sound like what I’m going through now, no matter good or bad, isn’t enough and I need to “just wait”. Just my personal pref though. I definitely agree with the others though 🙂
Lauren
I love them all except #2. I have always been on the smaller side with each of my preganacys (on #4 now) bc I start out tiny. starting ending I was gaining weight anywhere from 30 to 40 lbs depending on the kid we are talking about. Well given my normal size I felt huge proportionally to my normal self. (Just like any other pregnant woman!) My hormonal self always would get really irritated when ppl thought I didn’t look like I had gained anything and i had 20+lbs on me. I always wanted to ask so “you think I’m always this fat!? thanks!”
Ally
A co worker said to me “you’ve really blossomed!” I thought that was sweet. I was getting the twins question, so her tact was really appreciated!
Hannah
This is good! However, I got #2 a lot when I was 41 weeks, and it got a little annoying. Maybe because I was wanting my baby to come really bad at that point. I ended up having my son at 9 1/2 lbs half a week later!
Allison
I think people also need suggestions on what to say when they’ve discovered you’re having a c-section. I will have had 3 c/a in my lifetime by the end of this month and I do hate the odd comments that make me feel as if I was inferior or took “the easy way out.”
Kay
Having a C-section is not taking the easy way out. I don’t know why people would say that. My first was a C-section and the other two were VBACs. I had staples and had to be care for several weeks. Much faster healing with a natural birth.
Kat
I can honestly say I was never offended by people’s comments during my pregnancies. I was HUGE with both of kids. However since we announced to family and close friends that we are becoming foster parents and will hopefully get the chance to adopt one day, I have heard many offensive things, or total silence. I think people just aren’t sure what to say. I hope you will do a post one day on “Things to say to adoptive and foster care Mommas”.
Dani
Kat, why don’t you start off some ideas for that future post on Humbled Homemaker? What would be helpful to hear? We are in the same boat wanting to foster and adopt, and there are lots of unhelpful things people say (like, why don’t you try for your own? Hello, um, when someone’s dealing with infertility issues, this is a total slap in the face. I just smile and say, “We tried, and God had other plans.”), and I’m still waiting to hear someone say, “That’s fantastic–there are so many kids that need the love you can give” or “Some lucky kid out there doesn’t even know the blessing they have coming their way!”
Elizabeth
My favorite comment with my first pregnancy was: “You’re always glowing. Not like those unhappy pregnant women.”
I think this person was commenting that I tried to always smile and enjoy being pregnant; even on the rough days. Her wording was less than flattering to most, but I got her point.
I think it is important to encourage women. Help give a reason to smile.
Elise @frugalfarmwife.com
#4 can be a huge encouragement to a pregnant gal who feels all swollen and puffy, and like she’s about to break the scale.
It never bothered me, but I’ve been told that some women take offense at #2, or at least it worries them if they think they’re not big enough.
But in the end, the important thing is that folks are making an effort to be encouraging. THAT in itself is an encouragement. 🙂