Guest Post by Erinn of Embracing Everything
This post is part of the Breast-Kept Secrets: Breastfeeding Advice from One Mom to Another series. Go back and read all posts here.
If I learned anything during the first few months of exclusively pumping, it was that it’s HARD. Not just hard physically but emotionally, too. I became an EP mom when my daughter was six weeks old and I was definitely not past my postpartum stage.
Beyond the fact that I hadn’t fully recovered, I was dealing with A LOT of mommy guilt for not being able to nurse my child. I had dreamt of the days and nights that I would nurse my child and planned on only pumping when I couldn’t get away from work to come home and nurse her.
Imagine my surprise when at four weeks I had such raw nipples that even the idea of nursing sent me into severe pain. I remember my final doctor’s visit before moving to exclusive pumping and the doctor telling me that I was the toughest woman she had ever met after seeing my nipples.
Ouch. My daughter had a posterior tongue-tie that wasn’t found until then. Even after a few weeks in recovery after having it clipped, I was still in no physical shape to nurse. After two weeks of her being bottle fed, we determined this was what was best for our family. I was heartbroken.
Let me clarify here that not all EP moms are like me. Some moms choose to be EP moms from the beginning and others, due to circumstances beyond their control, become EP moms (I fall into this category).
It is so important to have a support system.
I truly believe you will rise or fall based on those around you. If the people you surround yourself with don’t support your choice, you will more than likely quit. If you surround yourself with people who encourage, support, and push you, I promise you can make it.
I determined at four weeks that no matter what decision we had to make, my daughter would receive breast milk. It was our goal and plan from the beginning and I knew it was what was best for her. I want to share the most important things to get under your belt when you’re picking your support group:
1. Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page.
Not all husbands support breastfeeding. I was blessed with a husband who couldn’t imagine me doing anything else and he was by far my biggest support.
If your husband is on the line or not for it at all, I would encourage you to do some research and share it with him. Be sure to point out all the benefits it will give not only you, but your child, too! The biggest one for me was the reduction in cancer. Cancer is so prevalent in just about every family now that this one was enough reason for me (even though I already advocated breastfeeding from the beginning).
If your husband doesn’t support your decision, this is going to be a hard road for you. You CAN do it without his support but I promise it will be so much easier if you have it.
2. Support yourself.
At the end of the day, you can only control YOU. You own this decision and have to support it yourself before you can ask others to get on board. How do you feel about being an EP mom? Do you believe in why you’re doing it? If you’re unsure, now is the time to start deciding what you believe.
One of the best ways I found to support myself and not get too overwhelmed was I “reevaluated” my decision every three months. I told myself I would commit to three months and then decide if I would keep going. By the time I got to six months, I was in such a routine that I didn’t think about it again until Emma turned one.
No matter how supportive your husband, friends, or family are for you, this is about you making a choice to feed your child breast milk and needs to be one you willingly make. If you don’t support yourself, it doesn’t matter if anyone else does.
3. Be careful who you allow in your circle.
The verse is true that “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33). The same would be true of the people you surround yourself with while being an EP mom. If you surround yourself with people who constantly say things like, “how long is this going to take?,” “why in the world are you wasting your time?,” “is it really a benefit for your child?,” etc, then you need to reconsider who you are allowing in your circle. There are even some comments that are meant to be helpful that become harmful.
My question would be, “why are they so invested in the decisions you make for your child?” Are they the parent? Are they making life-important decisions for your child? If not, then I would ask them to reconsider sharing their opinion when it differs from yours in such a huge way. It’s so important to let the people who are in your circle know how you feel from the beginning. Those who really love and care about you and your child will support you even if it’s not a decision they themselves would make.
4. Make God the center.
This is truthfully the most important step you will take. There were times I would fall on my knees in despair, not sure I could make it one more day. Not sure if I could get another ounce of milk. Not sure I could spend another 2+ hours of my day hooked to a machine. These days were often in the beginning and had I not had the loving support of my Savior, I’m not sure I would have made it through 1+ years of being an EP mom. It was only by Him carrying me that I truly believe I made it. I’m so grateful that I turned it all over to Him and trusted Him to help me and guide me along the way.
As you make the decision, whether by choice or circumstance, to become an EP mom, please consider these things. It will really make a world of difference in the outcome and experience you have! Remember first and foremost that being an EP mom is still being a breastfeeding mom and YOU are doing a job for your child that ONLY YOU can do!
Were you an EP mom? Who did you enlist in your support group?
Erinn is the wife to her wonderful husband, J.R., a mom to her precious little girl, Emma Grayce (1), and an adopted mother to her adorable puppy, Allie (3). She started the idea for Embracing Everything when her daughter, Emma, was born in August of last year. When Erinn and JR were choosing her name, they tried to pick a name that meant something important and signified the life they wanted her to live. Emma means “embracing everything” and this is the life they want her to live. Through that meaning, Erinn decided to write a blog that will cover how they raise their daughter to be the woman God has created her to be through following their lifestyle as well as teaching her in everyday habits, even things as simple as the way she dresses. Be sure to follow her blog, Embracing Everything, as well her Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram (@embracingeverything).
Hope
Awwww, I have to say, I identify with your story a lot! All three of my kids have been born with a posterior tongue tie, (and 2 had severe upper lip ties) however, it wasn’t ever diagnosed in my first two. I EPed for my first babe. He was simply unable to transfer milk and after 3 months I was still in so much pain (and he was starting to prefer bottles) that I gave up nursing. I have to say, a lot of BREASTFEEDING mothers were negative with me…telling me where I went wrong or what I should have done differently, and making me feel inferior for not actually nursing. EPing is no joke. It takes an incredible amount of dedication! My second babe did nurse for 18 months but I struggled with low milk supply the entire time. She gained weight very slowly and I ended up just staying of domperidone in order to have enough milk. My third babe had all the same issues my first did and so I decided to push through the pain, pump and nurse with an SNS. Eventually the pain went away and he nursed til he suddenly decided he was done at 13 months. That too was a lot of work and some frustration as well because using an SNS can be really maddening at times. It was something I was proud of though, and don’t regret my decision one bit. I know there were people out there that thought I was insane but it really didn’t matter to me. I loved nursing my babe it is was always worth the frustration pumping and the SNS caused. I’m a little sad I haven’t ever had a “normal” experience with nursing, but maybe God knew what he was doing giving me these tongue tied babies. I’m so stinking hardheaded, there was no way I was giving up! LoL
Erinn Linkous
Thank you so much for your encouraging words! I hate that you went through this but I do believe it makes us tougher and goes to show that you will do ANYTHING for your child!
Stacy @Stacy Makes Cents
Erinn is one amazing mama. She deserves an award. I love her.
Erinn Linkous
Aw, thank you so much Stacy! I love you, too!
Jess
I’m EPing for my five-month-old daughter for a variety of reasons. It’s hard work but well worth it. I will be done pumping in a few months. She’s exclusively on breast milk AND we have 1,700 ounces frozen. We’ll have close to 2,500 when I will be stopping which will be enough to get her through to her first birthday. Thank you for sharing your story. No one I know really talks about EPing but those I have talked to who’ve breastfed their babes have been incredibly supportive.
Erinn Linkous
That’s impressive! I never had a great supply but God always provided me with just enough! Prayers for you as you begin to wean!
Mattie
I am EP mom and have been for 12 months this week! I breastfed our oldest 2 for 18 months and even though it wasn’t always easy it was very important to me and I loved doing it. Then we found out (at 18 wks preggo) that our son would be born with a cleft lip and possible cleft palate. It was scary to deal with at first, but eventually, we realized that it could be much worse, and there was much to be grateful for. I think the hardest thing for me was the fact the I was probably not going to be able to breastfeed. I was so discouraged about it! Sometimes with just a cleft lip, it is possible to breastfeed, and believe me I did all the research and talked to anyone who knew anything about it! But with a cleft palate, its pretty much impossible to breastfeed, because there isn’t anyway for the baby to create any suction. We weren’t able to know if he had the cleft palate as well until he was born. Timmy was born Aug 9th, with a unilateral cleft lip and palate, and so I knew immediately, that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed, but God gave me peace and a sense of purpose and I started pumping and through God’s grace and an amazing husband and support system, we have made it so far. I do agree though, its hard to spend so much time hooked to a machine, and then you have the whole bra situation, which is frustrating to say the least! It isn’t easy but I wouldn’t take it back, and I love hearing about other moms who are EP!
Erinn Linkous
So proud of you for making this decision for your little one! It’s so easy to let those little things drive you nuts (I’ve been there!) but when you keep WHY you’re doing it at the front of your mind, you can overcome anything!
Amber @ Tales of Domestica
I tried and tried to breastfeed with my kids many months( I have two and am pregnant with #3) and despite my best efforts I never produced enough milk for my kids. It was hard to accept, but I am still holding out that somehow my body will know what to do with this next baby. Thank you for sharing, we all deal with challenges and it is nice to support one another!
Erinn Linkous
Prayers for you and your milk supply this time around. Mine was never wonderful but somehow always enough. I thank God daily for that because I know some women aren’t able to. I rented a high grade pump but the first month/month and a half and I think that helped a lot. You can rent from the hospital or the LLL if you’re interested 🙂
Sara
So great! I feel like there should be more information for mother’s who can’t BF, that EP is a do-able option. Its not easy, oh Lord, I fought and struggled most days with EP. But thankful that I was able to stick with it for 6 months and provide all that milk to nourish my son. It can be overwhelming, especially if your a first time mom. Great tip on keeping a goal of 3 months and reevaluate.
Erinn Linkous
I agree! I felt very alone in the EP world. Not many people talk about it and there’s not a lot of info on it. Congratulations on reaching the 6 month mark!
Kim Kufus
So glad you wrote this! I, too, exclusively pumped with my special needs son. I wasn’t very successful at getting milk (I was so stressed), but I cherished what I could give him. Learning other ways of bonding like mouth to breast, and simple cuddle time, was so important, particularly since my son was low in muscle tone and could not suck. He was fed through a nasal tube the first few months. No, it wasn’t easy, but now my son is 9 and vibrant and healthy. He also turned out to be autistic, and I could not even imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t worked so hard to give him both my breast milk and that oh, so incredible baby and mommy bonding time.:-) Blessings to you! Kim http://www.hskfnaturalfamilies.com
Erinn Linkous
Thank you for sharing Kim! So blessed by your story and the blessing you gave your precious son!
Betsy
I am so happy to see this. I wish that I had read this when my now 2 year old was a few months old. My daughter was born 3 weeks early, and was in the NICU for 2 weeks. I tried so fervently to nurse her, but she truly had such a hard time (I had nursed my other daughter for 14 months when she was born, so I did have some experience). It was such a disappointment for me when nursing just wasn’t working out for us. After a month, I came down with mastitis, so I went to EPing. It was so difficult, and people didn’t understand that. Even the lactation consultant was condescending. Needless to say, I EPed for 15 months. It was time consuming, emotionally exhausting, and all the things you said, but worth it. Thank you for letting EP mothers know they are not alone!
Erinn Linkous
15 months is awesome! You did a great deed for your little one and one that you should be very proud of doing! I agree that it’s so important to let EP moms know they’re not alone. All moms need support from one another and guidance, too!
Muriel
Hi! I’ve just found your “Breastfeeding Advice” series, and I’m enjoying them very much!
It can be a heartbreaking experience to stop breastfeeding, and not many women are prepared to consider that as a possibility. However sometimes it’s our only choice – especially when breastfeeding becomes synonymous with suffering! The pain can be too much to bear at times.
I started pumping a little bit later, but thankfully my husband and I both wanted to keep giving our girls the benefits of breast milk and pumping was the obvious choice. Thanks for helping other moms find support online!
Quinnlin
Hi! Just found this series of posts in breastfeeding. They have been so encouraging. I have a seven week old I’m currently EPing. It has been a hard journey. He has several allergies including dairy, soy and nut. We suspect others but are not sure. He is also currently in therapy for having tongue muscle issues. It has been an emotionally exhaustive couple months and I was very encouraged by the posts here. I am currently thinking about stopping mainly because it is very difficult to function as our family with the pumping needs. Right now I have a two year old and between bottle feeding my newborn, pumping and rocking the newborn to sleep (he is also very colicky and tense ) I am left with maybe 30-45 min for my toddler every 2 – 2 1/2 hrs. I know the a Lord is gracious and toddlers will bounce back but it’s already been two months and he is really starting to struggle with security issues. My question is at what point does sacrificing to feed breastmilk become too much? We are struggling with this now. Training my children up in The Lord and loving them where they are at should have number one priority right? Anyway , sorry for the novel. Just struggling with this question right now .
Liani Lyttle
I cannot explain how God timed this blog is. My son is three months old and since birth he has been so lazy to suck. He had an amazing latch but would just not suck and it began affecting his weight. Three lactation consultants later we were treated as a hopeless case and the doctor began to push formula because if he didn’t meet his birth weight they would not release him. So before giving up completely I began pumping. I was devastated because the whole pregnancy I dreamt about the “bonding” the feeding and so on. I even kept trying to BF when we got home but he would just NOT eat. He would cry the entire time, he preferred the bottle. This made me feel inadequate and like a complete failure! Like my son was rejecting me, then the amount of negativity I got from other breast fed mothers was discouraging and heart breaking. I felt like they looked down on me, like the judged me, or like I was the topic of the breastfeeding club. It got to the point that I would hide that I was pumping just to not hear the negativity. To always be told should of done this, that or the other (which I did, it just did not WORK) or how I didn’t try hard enough was unbearable and added stress. My husband and family were my biggest supporters. There are days I still feel devastated and worn out by the negative comments and feel alone. But then I come across posts like this and it’s like God reminding me “ Li, you’re not alone You’re doing ok”. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your story, it has blessed my heart!
Wyndham Conway
Thank you so much for sharing this article! I had to start EP about 3 weeks ago b/c we discovered that my daughter asperates when she eats, so she’s now in a continuous feeding tube. Let me tell you, it is really hard! For a while I wasn’t keeping up the supply abd I nearly have up until I reduced how expensive the special feeding tube formula would be, but, I’ve been blessed with a breast feeding friend that agreed to pump extra for me while I worked up my supply. I have definitely had to rely on God to keep me going. The harder thing is waking up a couple times every night to pump. I am blessed with a husband that supports me whole heartedly.
Wyndham Conway
Sorry, my auto correct made my story really confusing. Hopefully you all can understand it.
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Melissa
I love reading about other moms EP journeys. I never thought I would be an EPer, but here I am EP for baby number 3 after nursing babies 1 & 2. I hope you don’t mind if I share a link to my EP story here. http://exclusivepumpingmoms.blogspot.com/
Sheri
I am also an EP mom. This baby is #9 and I am determined to give her Mama milk as long as possible. Next week she is going to be 1 year old and I have made my first goal. I would really like to be able to go at least 18 months as I did nursing my others.
Being an EP mom is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I set a timer 5 times a day to remember to pump, plus 1 time a night. It is hard to juggle schedules and fellowship time. It’s not like you can just whip the pump out in the middle of church or a family gathering, like you can if you are nursing. I also get easily discouraged because I know the exact amount my baby needs each day and the fact amount I produce. There is a lot of stress in knowing those numbers. Thankfully I have several women who do support me and even tell me how awesome it is that I choose to sacrifice for my daughter. My husband is also one of my biggest supporters and has let me cry on his shoulder many, many times.
When ever I do hear of moms wanting to EP just because they think it is an easy and convenient way to provide breastmilk, I counsel against it. EP is not easy or convenient. Sure giving a baby a bottle means that anyone can feed the baby, but EP means you have to pump and then feed. It’s double the time of nursing. Plus the planning….Anyways even though I am sad I can’t nurse this one, I am thankful that pumping if an option.