Healthy You
In an effort to be careful about what we say, and how we say it, here are 4 things women should stop saying to each other about their bodies.
By Dena Norton, Contributing Writer
We’ve all been there – gathered at the park or coffee shop, casually discussing dinner plans or how the kids are doing, when someone makes a confession. Maybe she singlehandedly finished off a pan of brownies last night…or is still wearing maternity jeans…or hasn’t worked out in months…or that she put on 15 pounds this year.
Suddenly, empathetic groans and nods of agreement erupt. Each woman takes a turn adding her own version of the struggle. And, just like that, the conversation devolves into a downward spiral of body-bashing and self-loathing.
By the time it’s over, there’s a definite sense of solidarity. But there’s also a sense that the ship’s going down with no hope for rescue! And that’s saying nothing of the internal conversations swirling around inside each woman’s mind as she drives home!
Conversations like these too often end in a tone of discouragement and defeatism. Like the life has been sucked out of us, not breathed into us. We can leave more overwhelmed by our situation and focused on ourselves, rather than hopeful for change and looking to the Lord to help us achieve it.
I’m not saying it’s not a struggle to maintain our health and care for our bodies. It is!
And I’m definitely not saying we don’t need friends to listen to our struggles and walk alongside us through them. We do!
But I do believe we need to be careful about what we say, and how we say it. Recently we talked about how desperately our daughters need to hear our encouragement and affirmation. But today we’re focusing on our conversations with each other.
With that in mind, here are four categories of comments about our bodies that we need to stop making, and how we can offer truth, encouragement, and accountability to one another instead!
4 Things Women Should Stop Saying to Each Other About Their Bodies
1. Comparing
What comparing can sound like:
- “You’re in such better shape than me.”
- “You eat way healthier than I do.”
- “How can you eat that and stay so thin?”
What we should be saying instead:
- “I admire how disciplined you are with exercise.”
- “I love that you eat so healthfully!”
- “What a blessing to be able to enjoy good food without worrying too much about your weight.”
Scripture Reference:
“…be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”’” – Hebrews 13:5
2. Coveting
What coveting can sound like:
- “I’d give anything to be your size.”
- “If only I had your metabolism.”
- “I wish I could afford a good gym.”
What we should be saying instead:
- “You have a great figure, but I know you’re also grateful for a body that’s healthy.”
- “I love that you work at staying healthy. It inspires me to take better care of my own health.”
- “It’s so great that you’re able to go to the gym regularly.”
Scripture reference:
“A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.” – Proverbs 14:30
3. Criticizing (self and others)
What criticizing can sound like:
- “I hate my (body part) .”
- “I’m so fat.”
- “I have no willpower.”
- “She’s too skinny.”
What we should be saying instead:
- “We’ve all got things we’d like to change about our bodies, but there’s a lot to be thankful for too!”
- “My body has changed so much since having kids, but I wouldn’t trade having them for anything!”
- “Could you hold me accountable to not snacking late at night?”
Scripture reference:
“for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church” – Ephesians 5:29
4. Cynical
What cynicism can sound like:
- “It’s no use – why even try to lose weight?”
- “Well, I’ve already blown my diet so I may as well have another cookie!”
- “You eat so healthy, it makes me sick.”
What we should be saying instead:
- “Sometimes I just feel like throwing my hands up, but I know that’s not the answer. I’m praying God will help me make healthy changes that last.”
- “It was so fun to have a splurge, but it will feel good to get back to eating healthy too.”
- “You seem to do a great job of consistently eating healthfully. That’s an encouragement to me – maybe I could pick your brain some time for ideas about my own eating.”
Scripture reference:
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” – Ephesians 4:29
Comparing, coveting, criticizing, and cynical comments undermine our value as women, promote insecurity in our relationships, and – most importantly – they distract us from the truth that we are wonderfully made by a God who sees and knows and is able to save even from our greatest struggles against the flesh!
But, we CAN redeem those conversations by disciplining ourselves to speak prayerfully and carefully about our bodies!
Proverbs 12:18 says, “the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Let’s be those whose tongues bring healing to one another!
Lisa @ This Pilgrim Life
I really appreciate the Scripture you included. It’s one thing to be motivated to change, but God’s word is what transforms our hearts and minds! So thank you!
I agree that we should be careful in what we say. And as someone who has naturally had to struggle less with weight issues, there’s still plenty to be careful about. Like being grateful for the body God has given me, and recognizing that looking “in shape” doesn’t mean being healthy. The focus should always be on taking care of our bodies to the end that we will be ready and able to love and serve our families and communities. No matter what my pants’ size is, if I am feeding my body junk and am too tired and unmotivated to get up and do anything, then that’s a problem. (And believe me, I’m totally preaching to my own heart here!)
Dena Norton
So true, Lisa – thanks for that input, and for the encouraging words about the post!
Claire
Thank you, Erin, for this encouraging post! I have celiac disease and the comments I often receive from other women are so discouraging: “Oh, you’re SO skinny!” and “Oh, that’s because she eats so healthy” and “Oh, she must just think we’re all a bunch of fatties.” (Which I wasn’t thinking at all.) I got so tired of being picked on that I stopped eating lunch in the work break room, just so I could eat my gluten-free lunch in peace! Let’s build each other up, not tear each other down! You never know, the other person could be suffering from say, an autoimmune disorder (my case), or an eating disorder, etc.
Dena Norton
You’re so right, Claire – we assume a lot when we make comments like the ones you mentioned. Your story is a great reminder that we really don’t know what someone might be struggling with personally, and we can’t predict how our loose words will affect them. Thanks for sharing!
Lisa
Yes yes yes and yes! I love this! It’s hard for me to put into words why I feel so uncomfortable when all my girlfriends just start self-shaming in conversation and this post is exactly what I needed to read! I guess it all starts with me, though – I need to be aware of what I’m saying about myself to others, as well.
Dena Norton
Thank you, Lisa – I’m so glad my words were an encouragement to you! And, 1,000% agree – it can start with you! It’s beautiful when a single positive comment so resonates with people that it turns the tone of the entire conversation upward! 🙂
Aimee
This is SO good. Some of the things we say can seem subtle but they really are all about envy and comparison. Thank you for sharing!
Dena Norton
Thanks so much, Aimee! <3
Mary LaCombe
I’ve noticed this a lot, not just in older women but in teenagers too. It was a wake up call when my daughter started to complain about her body. And she’s five! Obviously, she picked up on my own body insecurities.
I now try to go out of my way to compliment something on another women. “I like your earrings” or “Those shoes are adorable” really seems to uplift other women. Give it a try!
Dena Norton
Those little ones are always watching and listening, aren’t they?! I love your idea of modeling building other women up in front of you daughter!
Keelie Reason
Great points here! I completely agree with you. As friends, we shouldn’t let our friends say these things. We do need to stop the body shaming on all accounts.
Dena Norton
Thanks, Keelie!
Wells
“But I do believe we need to be careful about what we say, and how we say it.”
WHOA lady, you’re reading my mind!!! I wrote almost this exact same sentence in my e-book, but it’s about labor and how our conversations about how hard and horrible our birth was tend to go in that “downward spiral” when I believe God wants us to infuse HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT for a happy labor. I am going back over this post cause I think you are right on. I will commit some of these positive responses to memory. What we SAY can bring death or LIFE! (Prov. 18:21) Thank you!
Wells
PS–I think my body has gotten better since having children, and that most moms look GREAT after childbearing. There is a maturity and glow and beauty there that is so amazing. =)
I actually work out now, and that is major progress! I’m so much stronger, even if I’m not skinnier. The goal was to be healthy and energetic. I was never able to afford the gym… I looked up HIIT youtube workouts and did them whenever I could, 20 mins or less. They were SO HARD at first, but now I can see I have muscles, and my endurance is way up! AND–of course I wouldn’t trade my 5 children for anything. =) WE CAN DO THIS.
Dena Norton
I love your enthusiasm and your story! YES to infusing hope, encouragement, and life into one another!!!