Inside: The working poor want you to know some things during the holidays–but they won’t come right out and say them. Here are some ways to better understand–and help–the working poor.
I’ll never forget the Christmas that Will and I discovered we were among the working poor.
Frustrated by our financial situation at the time, Will had walked out of a financial planning class we were taking at church.
Our teachers–an older, retired couple–volunteered to come to our home the next Sunday afternoon and pore over our finances in order to help us come up with a plan.
While our two toddler girls played beside our already-decorated tree that early December day, we spread all of our financial statements across our kitchen table.
After musing over our finances for several minutes, our teacher, Randy, took off his glasses, rubbed his forehead, and placed our bank statements back on the table.
“Well, one thing is clear,” he smiled. “You don’t have a spending problem.”
“We don’t?” I was shocked. I was sure we must be doing something wrong to be experiencing so much stress. Wasn’t there some area of our budget we could cut to allow for a little breathing room? But here was Randy, a financial expert, telling us we were doing everything right.
“What you have,” Randy continued, “is an income problem. You simply don’t have enough money to live.”
We were the working poor.
I’d never heard of the term “working poor” until then, but millions of Americans exist like this. They are working, but they aren’t making enough money to pull themselves out of poverty.
This results in their debts going unpaid, and, in the worst cases, their children going hungry.
Whether you are working poor yourself or have never heard this description of this often-hidden subset of society until now, know that the working poor are everywhere.
It might be the receptionist at your doctor’s office, the cashier at your favorite grocery store, your children’s classmates, and, yes, even your children’s teachers.
What the Working Poor Want You to Know During the Holidays
Suburbia is filled with people who are barely making ends meet, and this is what they want you to know:
Related: Staying at Home With Your Kids When You Can Barely Afford It
1. They don’t want to ask for charity.
The working need your charity, but the last thing they want to do is ask for it.
Most likely, the working poor are people with whom you rub shoulders on a daily basis–at your church, at our child’s school, in the doctor’s office, at the store.
It might be the mom you sat next to at your child’s basketball game or served with in the church nursery last Sunday.
The last thing the working poor want to do is ask those whom they see on a weekly basis for help.
They prefer that you give anonymously–or in a non fanfare way. Don’t make a big deal out of your giving, but do so nonchalantly or secretly.
The solution:
Be observant. Notice the single mom or the family living on a teacher or public service worker’s salary? They most likely need help.
Leave food or toys on their doorstep. Don’t go when they are home. Just leave things with a note.
We had people do this for us, and it took the embarrassment out of us having to ask for help when we needed it.
Related: Do You Have a Spending Problem or An Income Problem?
2. They can’t afford to donate.
One struggle for the working poor is that most people don’t know they are struggling financially. Since they are, in a way, “hidden” in society, they often feel the expectation from others to give generously during the holidays.
The problem is–they don’t have much (if anything) to give.
I began thinking about this a few months ago when I was bombarded with gift giving opportunities and had to choose which ones to support–and which ones to leave for someone else to contribute to.
In the course of a few weeks, we had a snack drive for a backpack ministry at our church, a call for Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes, another food drive for Thanksgiving sacks (including a $25 gift card to a grocery store), a fundraiser to support artisans in developing countries, and a request to donate a slow cooker full of spaghetti sauce for a dinner in a low-income neighborhood.
None of these were over-the-top on their own, but even a donation of just a few dollars (and especially upwards of $25+) can break the working poor’s budget.
The working poor have, literally, no wiggle room.
If you feel frustrated that it seems like you are the “only family” that gives to every cause your church, child’s school, or community requests of you each holiday season–while your fellow church member gives nothing to very little–remember this:
The working poor might not have anything else left to give.
Instead of resenting that others around you “aren’t giving” like you think they should be, trust that you don’t know the full picture.
Are those other church members being selfish or lazy? Perhaps. But if you’re giving out of a pure heart and not out of obligation, then it shouldn’t matter what others do.
The solution:
Give to others with a cheerful heart and without looking around at what others are doing.
Give as you can afford and feel led. Realize that others might not have the same resources (or even calling) as you do.
Besides the working poor, there might be others that are “debt poor” or “house poor.” These families may have jobs that provide good incomes, but they might be drowning in debt or have a big house note (which is not an easily resolved problem either: it takes time and money to refinance or sell a home).
If someone says they can’t afford to give, trust that they really can’t. Don’t pressure them to give if they say no.
And if you’re reading this and you are the working poor (or struggling financially in some way), realize that you can only give what you have.
Yes, give sacrificially, but that does not mean you have to go into debt in order to give. As well, realize that you can give of your time (although if you are working several jobs just to make ends meet, I realize that can be limited as well!)
Don’t feel pressure to give just to keep up with appearances. It’s ok to say “no” to some causes. None of us can give to it all.
Related: How to Have a Debt-Free Christmas
3. They’re not snubbing your party invite.
When we were the working poor, party invitations were exciting but stressful. Why?
When faced with what to take to a party, I had to really think about it. I couldn’t just pick up an extra pack of cookies at the supermarket–and bringing a pricey side dish or meat to a party was simply impossible at times.
Sometimes, the working poor might turn down a party invitation because they simply can’t afford to bring anything.
This is especially true for direct sales parties when they feel rude to attend when they know they can’t afford to purchase anything.
But it’s also true for some holiday parties where they know they don’t have enough money to contribute any food or presents for even small gift exchanges.
The solution:
If a guest turns down your potluck party invitation, tell them that they can come without bringing anything.
Don’t say “if you can’t afford” (or even assume that, although it might be the case), but just say something like: “I know time is limited and the holidays are crazy. We would love for you to drop in even if you can’t bring anything. I know we will have more than enough food!”
If someone turns down your gift exchange or direct sales party invitation, do not pressure them to come.
Related: That Time the Bank Foreclosed On Our Home (And How You Can Avoid the Same)
4. They may not look poor.
The working poor (or those who are debt poor or house poor) can so easily blend in with society because sometimes they have things or do things that require money.
For example, when we were considered among the working poor, we were borrowing my parents mini van until we could slowly pay them for it. A mini van takes money to purchase, right? But no one knew it wasn’t our vehicle or that we didn’t own it outright.
We had a decent artificial Christmas tree because we had purchased it before the economic crash (of 2008), when our income level was more stable.
As well, the working poor may have friends and relatives that have gifted them things–like cell phones or manicures or video games.
When we were among the working poor, some wealthy friends of our sent us on a trip to Great Wolf Lodge. We could have never dreamed of paying for that trip on our own.
It’s easy to say: “Well, if they can afford that, then they should be able to afford food.”
But it’s not always the case.
We never know how people acquire things or what their bank accounts look like. And it’s not our place to assume or judge.
If people don’t look poor, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t struggling financially.
The solution:
Don’t make assumptions. If someone says they are struggling financially, they probably are.
Related: Dear Mom Who Can’t Afford Organic Food
5. The consumerism is just too much.
Gifts here. Gifts there. Gifts are simply everywhere.
And the more expensive and flashy the better, right?
That is what our culture would have us believe.
But the working poor long for simplicity.
They can’t afford the expensive and flashy for their families, but everywhere they go (because they are, again, everywhere you are–your churches, schools, stores, etc.), they are bombarded with it.
The consumerism is just too much for them. And really? It’s gotten to be just too much for everyone.
The solution:
Do your part to deny our high consumerism culture.
Cultivate a simple Christmas of your own–with the hopes that spending less on your own family will give you the means to give more to both the working poor and others who are in even greater need.
If you want to encourage your loved ones who might be struggling financially–or if you want to better understand what it’s like to live as one of the working poor–I encourage you to check out my book More Than Just Making It. More Than Just Making It is my family’s story of how we went from barely surviving to more than just making it financially. I wove this memoir with financial advice throughout–for those on any income level.
An easy read that packs both an emotional and practical punch, More Than Just Making It is a gift that will bless both you and your friends for many years to come.
Aimee Hadden
This is so, so good! We were in a similar situation several years ago where we had an income problem, not a spending problem. Some of the insensitive remarks made by well-meaning people during that time have made me very careful about what I say to others who may be in similar situation.
Tiffany
Years ago I was invited to a few direct sales parties… candles, if I remember correctly. I was new to the area, and my one and only friend invited me. I desperately wanted to go, but knew I couldn’t afford anything that was for sale, and bringing a dish would have put a very real strain on our very slim grocery budget.
I think a few of the ladies viewed me as cheap for not attending, but I knew in my heart not going was the right thing to do. Still, it didn’t make saying no any easier.
I love this post, and second your advice to not make assumptions. None of us know what our neighbors’ or friends’ finances look like. If they say they’re struggling financially, don’t doubt them – pray for them.
Janet
I get very frustrated when asked for a Christmas list and then get criticized for the items on my list being too practical. I cannot count how many times I heard comments such as “I do not want to buy someone socks for Christmas; I want to buy you something fun.” But when you are struggling to make ends, you often NEED practical items. I may need socks, underwear or a new frying pan. I may really want a pound or two of my favorite coffee or a tube of my favorite lipstick. If I do not ask for jewelry, chocolates, flowers, or a set of scented candles it is probably because I do not need them.
Erin
This is such a good point, Janet!
Mary
I wholeheartedly agree. I have asked for things like flower bushes, socks, sweaters, and gift cards to places like once upon a child. I don’t need more toys with batteries that have to be replaced…or candy and things that aren’t essential or helpful. I have heard that before a few times, I don’t want to buy you that…I want to buy you something fun.. I was even given a gift once of cash and told the only rule was it could NOT be used for something I needed like groceries. That was the year I bought a hydrangea bush for my garden bed. We desperately needed more money for groceries and it was a challenge to follow her one rule. People don’t realize your financial situation and I learned the hard way most people don’t want to know…or if you share a little about your situation they may think that’s an invitation for them to tell you how to get a better job or save more money here…or be a better parent in this way. I just try to be grateful for people who care and want to give me fun things and I learned to stand up for myself and be more clear, direct, and gratiful in my language with those loving family and friends. As for strangers I just as calmly and kindly as I can tell them to mind their own business. I have had a lady in the WIC office ramble on and on about how she was the working poor and they could not afford steak for Christmas but I could because I qualified for handouts. That woman hurt me more deeply than I can describe. P.s. I didn’t eat steak either and I understand she was in a tight spot (I heard her) but it was rude. I swallowed HARD and quietly and calmly told her she might have the wrong job if she felt that way.
Jean | DelightfulRepast.com
Erin, what a wonderful post you’ve written! Such an important message about two huge problems these days — assuming and consuming!
Susan
Really appreciate this post. Keep up the good work.
However, I clicked on the ad in the middle of your page here – a green box for your book More Than Just Making It… and it leads to an error/warning msg that “this may be an imposter – someone may be trying to steal your information…”. Your other book on the page goes directly to Amazon, but not this one.
ssi123
Thank you! You get this subject in a way that no other financial blogger I have ever read does. What a gift you have given. Yes, no assumptions/ judgements needed here. Family thinks we “should be fine” because our income is good, but they don’t know and so they give generously to others and I am sure wonder why we don’t participate in gift exchanges, expensive meals out and travel. It is hard to watch, if I am honest.
PD
I grew up in a family that was very poor. Parents worked but the money just wasn’t enough. We honestly thought only rich people and cereal and milk because it was expensive. We got food boxes from local churches. My parents never asked for handouts they just did their best. Often we would skip lunches at school because we didn’t want to burden our parents by asking for lunch money when we new money was sparse.
The gifts of food and a warm new shirt were embarrassing sometimes but we were always thankful.
Tracee McLain
Nobody knows how much a family in this situation would be thrilled to go to the grocery store and plan a weeks worth of meals and be able to buy what is needed without worrying if you should spend the money. Yes we have to eat but what if something else comes up and you need it more? Can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished for a gift card to the grocery store for Christmas just so I could cook good meals for my family and not stress over the money to be able to buy it. My husband says gas cards to go to work would be something he would wish for to keep for emergencies. Sometimes the smallest things to you bring the very blessing another family would be so grateful to have. But In all situations God makes a way and we have learned just give it to God and do all we can. It’s just hard as a parent always wishing you could do more for your children, not the latest hot toy or gift but the security of dinner on the table every night like it used to be before disability and health issues lead us to where we are today.
Brenda
I did a research of the “working poor,” years ago for a one of my college class finals. Most of then are actually poor becuase they have kids and have to paid fir child care. Unfortunately they are poor enough to be considered poor, but not poor enough to received help from the government. What makes then poor is that the price for child is the same or almost the same as paying for a second rent. Since I have read a lot of finances book n my major at college was business finances I read about how to get out if it. If they can’t cut anything out of their budget, (many people in this situations still have met for their meals, when would do people budgets , I had them cut their cable, eating outside n to cut much of the nest they ate, it would save then from $300 to $500 a month ). I would recommend also people renting one of their bedrooms if they where buying a house (o had friends that live in one bedroom n rent the rest n they don’t even have a house payments, yes they don’t have kids at these stage). But sometimes you know all the tricks and you can’t get out of it until your kids go to elementary school. I remember having a job, my husband having a job n I wanted to offer babysitting Friday and Saturday nights for extra money (since we didn’t even had cable n lived in a one bedroom with 2 kids, we cut down as much as possible) , but I could not do that becuade my husband was really explosive becuase he is a veteran. I could not even get a second job becuase I could not leave my kids with my husband becuase he was too explosive, n @ that time selling stuff thru the internet for regular persons was not really heard about and we didn’t had social media except for my space. I didn’t aby trust worthy persons or family that could watch my kids fir free while I wokr to try to get out if that whole. Once the kids started elementary n we didn’t haf to paid for child care things improve soooo much. Thanks to God now my husband is heal, my husband has an amazing job. We have a house payments but are not house broke. I get stay at home to help my kids, specialy my son who was diagnosed with high adhd n needs apt of Xtra help. Thanks for writing this article. I’m not rich but I do find out that when I offer free budgets to the working poor most but not all of them can still cut things or add an Xtra litle side job like overnight babysitting, n instead of buying new chkothes that they need they can buy it at thrift shop, eating way less meat, n cutting some small unnecessary expenses that add up, selling things online from home can also help. Most people are able to do one thing ofr another. It may not make a big diference at the moment but on the long run it will make a diference becuase litle byvlitle things do add up