This post is part of the Breast-Kept Secrets: Breastfeeding Advice from One Mom to Another series. Go back and read all posts here.
This post was originally published August 28, 2011.
The first breastfeeding challenge I ever faced was opposition. Some of my family didn’t understand why I wanted to breastfeed. Most everyone else in the family had formula fed their babies for years.
Why would I choose a different path?
Even at my first baby shower, a well-meaning family member told me: “You can never breastfeed. Your breasts are too small.”
Another aunt chimed in: “What are you going to do? You know nothing about babies.”
Well…the latter was probably right. But what mom-to-be does know a lot about raising children? It’s something most of us learn as we go.
(I wish I HAD done more to prepare earlier in life, though!)
Here are 5 things I’ve learned about how to handle opposition to breastfeeding:
1. Know WHY you want to breastfeed and be determined that no one will sway you with discouragement.
Remember your goals. If you are determined to stay the course despite opposition, you will be more likely to succeed.
2. Surround yourself with breastfeeding friends.
You will need the support. This could be in-person or online friends–wherever you can find each other!
3. Arm yourself with knowledge about the benefits of breastfeeding
…but be careful how you share them. When a family member questioned our reasoning for breastfeeding, my husband sent them an e-mail with a link to KellyMom.com. Well, this family member forwarded the e-mail to another family member who was currently formula feeding. The formula-feeding mom was sorely offended.
Be careful how and with whom you share. Relationships are more important than proving a point!
3. Respect their choices as well.
You may know breast is best for your family, but don’t preach at others who are formula feeding. I am a huge breastfeeding advocate, but we need not judge when others don’t take our same path.
We never know why another mom may not breastfeed.
4. Educate but don’t harass.
If others ask you about your choice, by all means, gush about all the wonderful benefits of breastfeeding. But if they don’t? Don’t beat them over their heads with The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.
5. Take a break from the conversation or situation.
Walk away, go nurse your baby, eat a lactation cookie (or two).
Remember: This is YOUR baby and YOUR life.
Only you can decide how to feed your child.
What do you think is the best way to handle opposition to breastfeeding?
Bottom image by Mothering Touch via Flickr Creative Commons
mom of 2
Why anyone would think it is any of their business if someone chooses to breastfeed is beyond me. I would tell the offending person that it is my decision, and I would have hoped they would be supportive, not negative about MY decisions. As for people who aren’t family? Their opinion does not matter one bit.
Julie C
Great article! Great advice! I have learned to let the negative comments go in one ear and out the other. I am settled in what I do and no one can stop me! My children are more important to me than other people’s opinions.
Melinda
Thanks for sharing! I was quite fortunate that I’ve never received opposition to my decision to breastfeed our daughter. Honestly, I’m not sure how long I would have made it if a lot of my family had been unsupportive.
Hannah Jurgelis @ Dreaming of Perfect
I didn’t receive a lot of opposition to breastfeeding in general, I received opposition more recently when people asked “when are you going to stop?” My son is 9.5 months old right now, and my plan was to let him self-wean. Unfortunately, I’m drying out. We feed on demand, but I don’t know how much longer we’ll be able to go. I’m doing everything in my power to keep up my supply; I eat oatmeal, I don’t eat parsley, I stay hydrated, I’m taking fenugreek(herb known to increase milk supply), I’m praying…. Although it has increased some, I know it’s only a matter of time… It just hurts that people can’t understand why I’d want to continue, and how hard it is that my body doesn’t. I know all of the medical benefits to breastfeeding, but more than that to me it’s special bonding. It’s something that only I can do with my son.
Thanks for the post! Sorry for the sad story.
MrsHLBjr (Jennifer)
There is a tea made by Traditional Medicinals called “Mother’s Milk”. It has fenugreek, along with several others that help aide milk production (blessed thistle, I think, plus more). I’ve found it in the health/organic food aisle at Kroger and the tea aisle at HEB–we’re in Texas, so don’t know if it’s elsewhere, but I’ve seen it on Amazon, too.
I would drink one or two at night right before bed and I would notice a vast difference in the morning for the first feeding.
Yogi teas also make a similar tea (“nursing support” I think??).
But I also want to encourage you not to feel discouraged if he does wean before you are ready, for whatever reason. The bonding doesn’t stop happening just because you stop breastfeeding (as proven by moms and babies who couldn’t or didn’t breastfeed). You’ve had 9-1/2 months of bonding that you will not loose! Because you have laid that foundation, you have something to build on and will continue to bond through other means. Yes, it may be different, but it really will be just as sweet as it was before.
And the point of all that bonding isn’t to stay in the bonding phase anyway…it’s to help him become independent of you so he can be a productive, involved member of your family and, later, society, while still loving and respecting you as his mother. Each year will bring a new stage of development for him and that will require a new stage of bonding with you.
Embrace each stage as you have this one; don’t morn the one that’s past!
Best wishes to you!!
Shauna
Mother’s milk tea helped me tremendously as well. I was pumping for a 35-weeker that could very slowly breastfeed. She would fatigue easily, so after she nursed, I would give her a bottle of breast milk. My supply dwindled probably due to exhaustion. It doubled the amount I could pump. And it probably doesn’t hurt that it hydrates as well. 🙂
sherri
I began to dry up at one point and it was a matter of more water. I saw you said you stay hydrated, just wanted to let you know. I thought I was doing the same thing…turns out…I really wasn’t drinking enough water. May be worth a try???
Melinda
Do you have any suggestions for when that opposition comes from your 8-year-old step daughter? The first week she was with us it was no big deal that I was breast feeding. However, after spending a week with her mom, she now comments on how it’s disgusting, it takes too long, it was so much better the way her mom bottle fed her and her brother. Each time I feed my son now when she is with us, she makes comments about how gross it is and how she doesn’t need to see my “you know whats”. I always leave the room or cover up when they are around. Sometimes I have a hard time letting the comments just roll off, and I can’t figure out a diplomatic way of justifying to an 8-year-old what I do without making her feel like I’m bashing her mom. I would like to educate her, however she is 8 and she does seem to exaggerate things especially when it comes to telling her mom things that her dad and I say and do. That is a rocky enough relationship without adding fuel to the fire.
karie
Melinda, I am so sorry you are dealing with that. I had a very difficult step situation myself. If the Mom is that hostile you are probably not going to get anywhere with the daughter. I would suggest you ask your husband to be openly supportive of you breastfeeding and let him guide the daughter in other ways to bond with the baby. Let her pick the baby’s outfits. Trust me nothing coming from you will be valid. Keep being patient and loving and you will get there!
Michelle
I’d take her to see mommy and baby animals and talk about the babies nursing. I’m sure she’ll love that. Then you can talk about how horse mommies make horse milk for thier babies and cat mommies make cat milk…. a calf doesn’t drink milk from a dog mommy… and plant positive seeds in her head. Maybe it’ll open her up a bit.
Kaytie
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said “You never know why another mom isn’t breastfeeding.” I was bull-headedly determined to nurse my daughter when she was born. How true that pride goeth before the fall, because my body made no milk. None. After six weeks of a constantly crying baby and threats of hospitalization for extreme weight loss (hers), we finally had to formula feed. Emotionally, I’m still not okay with it, but oh how I have learned to reserve judgement of other moms!
Vic Sluys
Yikes! That is rough! I always say, “if a mom is feeding her baby, she made the right choice!” Isn’t it odd how we can feel like we failed (or are less of a woman)in things like this? I feel like I failed because I couldn’t birth my babies naturally and had c-sections with all of them for various reasons but I have healthy children so I should feel like a success story.
MrsHLBjr (Jennifer)
“Relationships are more important than proving a point!”
I wish people making comments about my breastfeeding would remember this! I never got comments from people outside my family, so in order to protect the relationship, I would hold my tongue. However, their comments hurt me and I still feel the marks today–and my youngest weaned himself 4 years ago!
I think that quote is applicable to all parenting decisions that are questioned by our family. And now that I’m “4-kids-deep”, with another on the way (and just turned 40), I think I would feel more confident in reminding them of this point. (Actually, it’s probably the turning 40 that has made the biggest change in my confidence…something to that, I think!)
So, something to the affect of, “When you make comments and judgements about our decisions that we make AS THE PARENTS of these children, please realize your comments hurt our hearts and affect our relationship with you.”