If I were able to take you back to 2010, you’d see a very different mom, one who had ideals set forth in her head that she knew were absolutes.
One of them? There was no reason to send your kids to preschool, and I, for one, would never be doing it.
First of all, children didn’t need any formal instruction to learn during the preschool years.
And secondly, there was no way, no how I was going to let my children out from under my wings until absolutely necessary (which, back then, would have probably equated to age 18!).
I was going to homeschool full-time, and, quite frankly, I looked down upon those who sent their babies to preschool.
Fast forward a few months, and I was steeped in postpartum depression after my second baby’s birth. My firstborn, determined and strong-willed, was wildly entering the terrific twos, and I was stressed, overwhelmed and living in chaos (or so it felt).
Observing our firstborn’s personality and how utterly unorganized and at-my-wit’s end I was, my teacher-husband declared one day: “You are not homeschooling our children–at least not our firstborn–and I think we need to think about sending her to preschool.”
No! I was not going to have it. And besides, at the time, there was no way we could afford preschool–even if I had wanted it!
My Paradigm Shift
While chatting with a mentor-like friend on the phone one day, I poured out my heart:
“Janet, Will thinks we need to send Little Girl to preschool and that I’m not organized enough to homeschool. I can’t bear to think of this, and I’m just having a really hard time being a mom right now!” (insert tears)
This friend wasn’t just anyone: She was what I idealized as the perfect wife and mother. Her husband was a pastor, and she was a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom to four (and now five) children. No, she wasn’t perfect, but she was exactly who I aspired to be.
Her words surprised me.
“Erin,” she said. “I actually sent my kids to preschool.”
“You did what?”
“Yeah–I sent the little ones to the church preschool for my own sanity! And sending younger children to preschool can give a homeschooling mom like me more time to teach her older ones.”
It was a major lightbulb moment and relief for me. Something about Janet saying it was OK made it a little more OK with me.
Over the next year, we prayed more about preschool, and I began to seek out our options. In the end, I found a small, Christian school that was within minutes of our house–and we sent our firstborn there three mornings per week for two years on a partial scholarship.
It was a very good decision for our family.
That same year, a new school started in our town–a university model, which is basically a part-time homeschooling program, where the teachers partner with the parents, and the lessons are organized and planned by the teachers even during the home days.
This seemed like a perfect fit–and compromise–for our family. I began to monetize this blog in hopes that we could, somehow, send our daughter there by the time she started kindergarten.
(She’s now about to finish her third week at this school!)
In a nutshell, these past 4 1/2 years have taught me that each family is unique, all children are individuals, and what works for one does not work for all.
What a boring world this would be if we were all called to make the exact same choices! God is more creative than that.
Reasons to why you might want to consider preschool
1. Your child has a developmental delay.
Some preschools can help children with delays get a head start–or even offer special therapies.
2. You work (even from home).
This is actually a big motivator for our family now. I bring in a large portion of our income from home, so I can continue to be a stay-at-home mom. Sending our two younger girls to a church preschool two mornings per week gives me work hours, so when they are home, I am present (and not just physically!).
3. You’re suffering from extreme overwhelm, postpartum depression or depression in general.
If you feel like you want to hurt your children after being with them all day, by all means, consider sending them to preschool! (And consider getting some help for yourself as well. There is no shame in that!)
4. You are homeschooling your older children.
This can give you some good one-on-one time with older siblings!
5. You just need a break.
Moms are afraid to say this, but sometimes we do need a break. Don’t be too prideful to admit it.
Reasons why you would want to opt out
1. You can’t afford it.
Don’t pay for something you can’t afford!
2. There isn’t a good preschool in your area where you feel comfortable sending your children.
This is HUGE! Don’t just send your kids anywhere! Be very selective. We live in the “Bible Belt,” so we are blessed to have many good church preschool options in our town.
3. You just don’t want to.
No one is twisting your arm! Just say “no” if it’s not for you!
Preschool at Home
Many stay-at-home moms today are choosing to do preschool at home. This is the approach we took until our firstborn turned 4.
There are SO many good affordable (or free!) homeschool preschool resources on the web!
If you do not need preschool for childcare or feel strongly that they (or you!) need outside-of-the-home preschool, yet you desire that your child get a head start on formal education, this might be the best choice for your family.
Some preschool at home resources I recommend:
ABC Jesus Loves Me: A comprehensive online curriculum for ages 2-5. You can purchase teacher’s manuals and workbooks, or you can print the entire curriculum online for free!
Fruit of the Spirit Curriculum: This is a brand new resource from Leigh Ann at Intentional by Grace. I consider Leigh Ann a personal friend, and she is probably the most intentional mom I know! She is very hands-on with her two boys–age {almost} 4 and 1!
The Fruit of the Spirit Curriculum for Toddlers is divided into eighteen weeks of lesson plans designed to help you make God’s Word central in your child’s everyday learning. In addition, you will expose your child to each letter of the alphabet, identify numbers one through ten, explore the colors of the rainbow, and enjoy learning basic shapes in hands-on and age-appropriate ways.
I just purchased this curriculum for myself, and I am very excited about using it to supplement what my girls are already learning at school!
EmbarK12: This is an online program that I reviewed. If you get the resources option, it gives you a TON of books and manipulatives! I am using many of these with my kindergartener still!
The ABC’s for Godly Boys and Godly Girls: This curriculum teaches the alphabet and godly character traits to preschoolers on up to older children as well!
Cheap or Free Preschool Activities: Here is a collection I curated a few years back!
Also, you can follow my Schooling Resources board on Pinterest!
Regardless of what your feelings are about preschool right now, I encourage you to chat with your husband about it and seek the Lord for His direction in this area. (You might just be surprised at what it is!)
Did you send your children to preschool? Why or why not?
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Claire
There really are no absolutes when it comes to preschool. It drives me crazy when I hear people say “preschool isn’t necessary”. Conversely, some people have the attitude that preschool is essential in every circumstance. Both extremes are blanket statements that don’t apply to every situation. My son is an only child who has a shy temperament. There was no way I could meet his social needs without preschool. If we lived in a neighborhood with lots of young kids and stay-at-home moms I might have been able to swing it, but that was not the case for us. He attended a wonderful Christian preschool two mornings/week for his first year and three mornings/week for his second year. It wasn’t because I needed a break, it was so he could learn to relate to other kids. Yes, I took him to the Community Center, Kindermusik, Story Hour at the library, playgroups, playdates, etc. But it was piecemeal. He didn’t see the same kids with enough frequency to learn how to develop a real bond/friendship with another child. At age 6.5, he is still learning, and I can’t imagine where he would be if he hadn’t gone to preschool. Social issues aside, preschool was just plain fun. It was like Disneyland for him. It was a very hands-on environment where all the learning was developmentally appropriate and very engaging, and his teacher was so loving. I’m so thankful that he had that experience. That being said, I would never criticize a mother who chose to opt out of preschool. For many families, doing preschool at home is the right choice. It really does depend on the situation.
Erin
Claire, it sounds like we are 100% on the same page!
Amanda
We just started our 2 year – old in a local church preschool this week. I have always been excited to get her involved in new things. I was so nervous to let go of her since I am a SAHM, but after seeing how excited she was at meet the teacher night I knew it was the right decision. I went to preschool as a child and I run an I home daycare. I can see both sides of the fence, but for some kids it’s almost necessary. My child is one of those.
Erin
I hope he or she is having a great week, Amanda! I see both sides of the fence, too! I love when we can respect each other’s decisions! I was a bit worried about my 2-year-old too, but she was so eager to go to “school” like her big sisters, and she’s loving it! Today is her second day!
Pam
We did. Never a question whether to send or not. We wanted them to experience things that we could not provide at home. While we did not need daycare or babysitting, our work schedules are a little unusual so the routine and structure of preschool were wonderful! We had fantastic teachers and all 3 kids thrived in preschool. But I do completely agree that there are good and not so good preschools, so do your research!
Erin
Sounds like you made the right choice for your family, Pam! Thanks for sharing your experience!
just me
Thanks for this post! I’ve been struggling with the decision to send my oldest to kindergarten and feeling really down and like a failure because of it. We had intended to homeschool and had a great few years of preschool learning at home but between my youngest’s needs, working from home, running a farm, and my having a serious chronic illness I just felt so drained and discouraged. Also I can’t drive for health reasons so we could never go to any of the local homeschool group’s activities and it was hard finding ways to let them play with other kids and make more friends. My child wanted to go so badly that I worried that keeping them home against their will might cause a deep rift in our relationship. It’s been very hard but I think that they need a break from my being sick and having to be more responsible then a normal 5 year old should be and just have a few hours each day to go be a kid. This will let me devote more time to teaching the littlest and on my career to help our family’s finances. We’re keeping the option to homeschool in the future open because our school here is terrible and we are not in favor of the current educational system but for now anyway this is what our family needs.
lenah
We seen my son who just turned 4 in august to a public school preschool that was very nature and child friendly. He loved going to school and riding the school bus, but after the 3rd day he was done. He did not like school and dosent want to go back. I was giving it a try bc of pressure from family and a few sounds miss pronounced sometimes and he wanted to ride the school bus with all of his cousins, that live near us. But he doesn’t even care to ride the bus now. He would tell everyone school was pretty good. But he would tell me he liked it but missed me and didn’t really like school. I had him go tuesday so i could get the house cleaned up so I could only focus on him and make sure he really was done with school, and I wanted to be prepared with what to do, teaching/learning wise, an I was going to have him finish today and tomorrow. We’ll today he broke down and cried and let everyone know how he felt, he doesn’t want to go to school right now, he wants me to teach him, he wants to stay home, play outside and with his trucks and learn from me. And that’s exactly what we plan to do….but I think every family is different. There is no one size fits all for schooling…
lenah
Also my son for on bus, went to school and rode bus back home from 7am to 330pm…that’s along time for a child. *auto correct is messing up my typing above
Amy Clark Scheren @ Gospel Homemaking
When my oldest kiddo was preschool age (he’s now an 18yo freshman in college!), EVERYBODY sent their kids to preschool. When I would tell someone that we did preschool at home, they would look at me like I had just said I feed him dirt for dinner every night! We couldn’t have afforded preschool, and I honestly don’t think preschool would have met his educational needs at that time (he was rather advanced for his age). Teaching him at home was the right thing for him and our family.
I think your point about our changing views and our individual differences is really important. We ended up sending our oldest to public school for two years before pulling him out to homeschool. I thought we might homeschool each of our kids all the way up through high school. That just isn’t what ended up being the best thing for our family. Our oldest started in school when he was in the 9th grade, and a few years later we started our other two in the 5th grade and 8th grade. It absolutely broke my heart and wounded my pride. But now, I wouldn’t have it any other way! I am so thankful for the years I had them home, and I’m also thankful for the time they’re in school now.
We must realize that every family is different, every child is different, and every season of life is different. We need to drop the guilt over not doing things the same way that others do and recognize that we all love our children and want what’s best for them. We always said we would take things “one year at a time,” and in the end that attitude is how we were able to embrace what was best for our kids and our family.
Beverly Doucette
As a preschool teacher with 30plus years experience I see the benefits of preschool for some children . As a mother of 4 , only one of our children needed that benefit, our youngest. He did not have the social experience he needed to be ready for formal learning. I do believe that you need to choose your preschool carefully and be confident in where you send your little one. I have been fortunate to teach in a preschool where we can openly share our faith and our teachers are warm and caring and pray for our students daily. So choose what works for you and your family. Preschool is still no substitute for you as the parent to enjoy sharing learning with your child, but it can compliment your efforts as a parent.
Erin
Thanks for the input, Beverly!