I had no earthly idea what I was getting myself into.
And, really, I think few of us do.
I had met him two years before at a party for ESL students in Costa Rica. I had flown in a few days before to spend a year there teaching the children of missionaries.
It was a dream come true–moving to Costa Rica, that is. My heart and life and passions intersected. I had breathed mission work and international service and the Latino culture and Spanish language since childhood.
Soon after we met, I sat on the stairway dividing the tiny room I rented from the home of my Costa Rican landlords. I looked around at the mountains and tin-roofed houses, listened to the birds singing, inhaled the gallo pinto cooking and prayed: “Lord, I love this. I love this place, and I love these people. Will you give me a man who loves this just as much? A man I can spend my life with, serving you together?”
And He did just that. He gave me that man I met at the party. The extroverted event planner who thrived (and still does) around people. The one who was found bringing international students home for holidays during his college years. The disciplined and orderly and practical teacher, whereas I often fly around in my own little dream world of imaginations. I’m the sky, and he’s my earth.
Not long after we married, I prayed: “God, please give us a long and happy marriage. Please, God, please…please give us a long and happy marriage.”
Fear has always plagued me, and I feared the worst and hoped for the best.
Sometimes the worst happens because it is the best for our souls.
It’s not always been happy. But it’s been good. We’ve had to fight. We’ve had to fight hard.
We mark 9 years today.
I don’t often write about marriage here because, well, my marriage has been the most humbling of all. But if God had left me in my pride, I’d never be the person I am today.
Ten summers ago I was finishing up my year in Costa Rica and had fallen in love with the man I would marry.
Nine summers ago I was walking down the aisle to “How Great Thou Art” and committing my love and life to the man who would travel with me to Latin America, Africa, China and Canada; become daddy to three little redheaded girls; work tirelessly at extra jobs when we could barely make ends meet and fight hard to save us when all felt lost.
Five summers ago my whole world fell apart in a tiny apartment 3,000 miles from home. Some stories are best told to bring God glory. And some stories are best left unwritten, when the Enemy would be more glorified.
And so, I write about how I have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
I write about how our struggles God intended for good.
I write about He has restored and is restoring the years the locusts ate.
Today I celebrate the fact that we’ve made it longer since than before, and God continues to teach us humility, forgiveness, grace and redemption through our marriage.
Yes, how great HE is.
I love my husband, and even though these nine years have not been easy, I am thankful. I’m thankful that God saw fit to not leave me where I was but to work all things in my life for my good and His glory.
“I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.” ~Psalm 40: 1-3
Wherever you are today, dear friend. Whatever you are going through: God is not done with you yet. Your story is still unfolding. All hope is not lost. And he can restore and heal and breathe new life in you…and make things even better than they were before.
Go in grace,
~Erin
Megan Tietz
“I’m the sky, and he’s my earth.” This brought tears to my eyes because I know exactly what you mean. EXACTLY.
One of the best books on marriage I’ve ever read is Gary Thomas’s Sacred Marriage. The subtitle is “what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy.” I have found that to be true countless times through the past 16 years. Marriage is a beautiful dance at times, and other times, it’s a painful refining fire. Through it all, though, it has taught me more about mercy and grace and forgiveness and humility than ANYTHING else in my life.
Such beautiful words and darling pictures. Happy day to you, sweet friend.
Erin
I love you, sweet friend! I really hope we can meet in person one day. We are two peas in a pod, it seems! And our hubbies do sound so much alike! Thank you so much for the book recommendation! I would have to agree with that quote…I think it does make us holier if we allow it to! Have a great day, and thank you again for ALL your encouragement!! 🙂
Beth
Beautifully written my dear friend. I read it with tears running down my face. I remember watching you all fall in love in Costa Rica. I remember the beautiful wedding day 9 years ago. And I remember the phone call on that day five years ago. I am so thankful to have walked through these times with you and look forward to years more of friendship. I am so grateful the Father has allowed me to watch as He restored and redeemed. I am thankful for the chance to walk beside you, celebrate with you, weep with you, and rejoice with you. Love you both so much!
Erin
I love you so much, dear friend! To quote you, thank you for walking beside me, celebrating with me, weeping with me and rejoicing with me! I absolutely, positively cannot wait to see you soon!!
Susan
Thank you for this. I so need it right now. God is not through with me, or my marriage. Thank you Jesus!
Erin
He is the Great Redeemer. He is still writing your story. No, he is not through yet!!
mary willis
Can relate!
Erin
I hope you are encouraged today!
Angelia
One of the hardest things to do is leave your pride at the door and give total faith in your partner, but in order to really live as man and wife happily there will be a time where you must move forward and do just that or risk the stability in your marriage. We all have been there I was stubborn to the core, but I was only hurting myself and my marriage. Showing my vulnerabilities wide just left me feeling exposed but you see when you show your partner how much you trust then it will bring you closer. I am always finding more things to work on when it comes to myself and our marriage. It is a never ending process, but very well worth the time. I have been married 23 years now and I hope for many many more years to come..
Erin
Thank you so much for sharing your story and this encouragement, Angelia!
Sarah @The Teacher's Wife
Happy anniversary! Marriage has been so much harder than I imagined, but it’s been in the trenches where God has revealed so much about His own character and love and how I need to step aside and let him work. We’ll be celebrating 11 years this weekend and I’m looking forward to many more!
Erin
Congrats on 11 years, Sarah! I 100% agree with what you wrote!
Allison
beautiful post!
Erin
Thank you, Allison!
Beth Walker
Thank you!
Erin
🙂
Michelle
Loved reading this! I’ll be married 5 years come October…I can so relate! And so glad Jesus is our rock! Happy Anniversary today and many blessings for many more to come!!
Erin
Thank you, Michelle! Yes, Jesus is our Rock in every storm!
Stephanie Allen
Absolutely beautiful and thank you for sharing, the truth and encouragement is much needed. God bless.
Erin
Thanks so much, Stephanie. I hope you are encouraged indeed today!
Michelle F.
Amen! And God bless your marriage! My own marriage of 8 years started going really downhill in the third year. The last five years were unspeakably horrible as I became a rage filled shrike! I couldn’t live this way any more, and I wanted out, but my husband held on at God’s direction. Elijah House Ministries saved me, and thus, my marriage. We are happier now than ever, and being almost 60 now, I am praying for extra happy years to replace the ones we lost. God is good! Bless you!
Erin
I’m so happy to hear of God’s restoration in your marriage, too, Michelle! Thank you so much for sharing your story, and I hope you find even more encouragement today! I know God can use you to help others, too! 🙂
Chris
Love, love, love this post! Happy anniversary! I love to read all of your writings, but this one touched me. I have a few years on you (26 years this summer), but I know the story. I have read so many Christian women authors who gloss over the tough times, if they mention it at all. Don’t you know satan goes after Christian marriages about as much as he goes after Christian household on Sunday mornings???! Our tough time came at seven years and after some counseling and self examination, we got through it. But there was nothing easy about it. I share my story with young women friends and so many say why would I share something so personal. To give hope! I appreciate your transparency and it is my prayer that you will touch many lives. Congratulations, again!
Erin
Thank you so much for commenting and for sharing your story, too, Chris! I agree that so many of us Christians like to gloss over the hard times. It’s not easy sharing, but I feel exactly as you do–we must share to give hope to others! Have a great day! 🙂
jacquie
Thanks for sharing! He truly can restore! We’re celebrating 10 years tomorrow and we’ve definitely had our share of bumps along the way and many times of wanting to give up. He can work miracles and make marriages last if we are willing to let Him! Congrats on your 9 years!
Erin
Thank you for writing, Jacquie! Congrats on 10 years! Yes, He can and does work miracles!
Damaris
Happy Anniversary! I have been married 20 years it’s been very hard, and very humbling. Just yesterday and today with your post, God is reminding me I’m not done. I want to reveal my plan of redemption and restoration through you, just work with me. This is what keeps me going and gives me hope when times are tough. Thank you for your transparency.
Erin
Thank you for sharing, Damaris. It is so humbling–but God is so good to teach us! I pray you find encouragement today! 🙂
Jennifer Deibel
Erin, this is so stunningly beautiful. Love it, love y’all. So glad for the little bit of face to face time we’ve gotten to share over the years. Love you, friend.
Erin
Love you, too, friend. I love that we can walk this journey together from afar. You’re a blessing!
Sarah
Thank you for your honesty & hope. We will be married 8 years this month and it feels very hard and dry. I stay at home with our 3 littles that are 5, 2.5, and 2 months. Right now, this life God has given me feels lonely and challenging.
Erin
Thanks for writing, Sarah. I so know that hard and dry feeling. I pray you find encouragement and hope from the Lord today! All is not lost! He still redeems!
Sarah
Thank you Erin & I hope you have a wonderful anniversary!
Whitney
Beautiful.
Happy Anniversary to you both!! So thankful to know you in this chapter of your life.
Love you, sweet friend!
Angela
God’s got me in His hands because I am coming across encouragements like this that speak to my heart all the time these days. We’re coming up on 9 years too and I understand the fight that it takes sometimes to keep going. I also have been clinging to the promise of God restoring the years the locusts have eaten. I too have dreams of the mission field but have not been released yet to go overseas full-time. I too have three little girls and God has kept me here in North America so far. Oswald Chambers writes in his devotional book about God giving vision but needing to take His children through the valley of humiliation in order to prepare them for the vision. He also talks about how you will never to satisfied with living at a lower level. I think it was the devotional for July 6th.
Shanti @ Life Made Full
Congrats!! I just shared a video about my crazy experience with the song How Great Thou Art! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rPd4Xv4ettU
Rebekah F
I celebrated my 5th wedding anniversary last month and I can totally relate to your post. I didn’t meet my husband on the mission field but its never been what I expected but God’s done exceedingly above and beyond what I could’ve dreamed up or imagined. Everytime I read a post or email from you I get encouraged! Soo blessed to have your posts!! Congratulations on 9 years blessed with bumps and restoration from a loving, merciful God!!
Anita
Thank you for sharing your personal story and how God truly sustained you through your struggles. I’m so happy that God has blessed you and that you share your blessings with others.
Janet
Erin, I don’t usually post comments but I just felt like I wanted to this time. Our Lord is so gracious to us. His mercies are new every morning!! My husband and I have been married 52 + years. It has not been easy but He has been glorified through it all. There is so much I would like to say as I sit here with tears in my eyes but I’m just not a writer. So it is hard for me to express my feelings. I just know He is answering all your prayers!!! I THANK-YOU for sharing your story. It has meant a lot too me! May the Lord bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you and yours and give you PEACE!!
amy
Happy Anniversary to you. It sounds like you are truly living to glorify God and that is amazing. I am, however, a bit confused by this post….it seems as though only people that know you personally understand it. I find it odd to dedicate a whole post to an unknown plot. Maybe its just me missing something though. Much respect….God bless.
Michelle Wickline
I can’t tell you just how much this message meant to me today. It was just what I needed to hear. Thank you. I have struggled a great deal this year and I can’t be reminded enough of God’s promises.
Heather @ My Overflowing Cup
Thank you for this thoughtful, beautiful, and encouraging post! Congratulations on your Anniversary. My high school sweetheart and I have been married for 21 years, and it hasn’t always been easy, so I can relate to that. Most people I know say that marriage is often very difficult at times. We have learned that when we put God first in our marriage, everything else is less of a struggle. We have a very blessed marriage today because of God’s grace. I have a passion for blessed marriages. I’m looking forward to reading some of the links you included. Thanks for sharing your pictures and your heart. May God bless you with many, many more years of happiness together.
Sara G
Thank you for sharing your heart and your story. It encourages me so much today!
Tammy
Thank you for this post. I’m going thru the roughest patch my marriage has ever been thru. Praying for God’s will to be done. I’ve discovered the sweetest worship is when you are totally broken, and feel like you have nothing but your still loving and praising God!
Bianca A
Happy Anniversary! I am so relieved to hear that there is hope. My husband walked out on myself and our two small children four months ago, a week before our first wedding anniversary. I pray daily for God to pull us through this.
Lynn
Tears are still streaming down my face as I can so relate to your story. But what spoke to me the most was your short encouragement at the end. Thank you so much. I so needed to read just that at this moment.
Wherever you are today, dear friend. Whatever you are going through: God is not done with you yet. Your story is still unfolding. All hope is not lost. And he can restore and heal and breathe new life in you…and make things even better than they were before.
– See more at: https://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2014/07/god-restores-marriages.html#sthash.Elb0T33D.dpuf
erickajen
great cake! 10 years ago this past summer i had one like it, shorter, but the same. with fruit all over it. mmmmm i want a fruit covered cake again.
Breanna
Thank you for this Erin! I must say, my relationship has been quite humbling as well. We’ve faced trials and tribulations a multitude of times. The devil has pushed me so close to leaving several times. I am so thrilled to say, however, both my husband and I have renewed and deepened our relationship with The Lord snd
Breanna
And we’ve reached a humbleness and a level of love and communication we’ve never before had! Praise The Lord!!
(Sorry phones acting up)
Tiffaney
Thanks for resisting or sharing on FB!
I have a hope in Jesus that he will restore my marriage! My husband has recently filed for divorce and I do not want it. He has done some things that I have chosen to forgive and have stayed with him. Now, after working and trying and whatever else he just doesn’t want to be here anymore. I’m heartbroken to say the least. And he wants to have the kiddos 50/50. Even more heartache! I’m praying so much that God will soften my husband’s heart and turn him back to Him and also make me aware of changes I need to make. Everyone keeps telling me I will be better off without him but I still love him so so much! Please pray for us in SD! My hope is in Jesus!
Tiffaney
*Reposting*
Allison
Today is mine and my fiancé’s 59 month anniversary, and it has been a rough 59 months to say the least. As I plan and prepare for our marriage in April, fear of the unknown and doubts about our future still plague me at times, but I can’t imagine life without this imperfect man that loves me fiercely enough to hold on to me even when I wanted to let go of him. This relationship has brought out both the best and worst in me and today as on many other days, I’ve been shocked and shamed by my own selfishness and pride. I don’t know what lies ahead, but I know there will be much refining fire…I know it will be painful but I’m reminded that I need God’s Grace and redemption daily and I can’t rely on my own strength to love another human unconditionally. When your story came across my newsfeed this evening, I was so grateful for this encouragement and honesty! I needed this today of all days! Thank you so much for sharing your heart! I would appreciate your prayers as I prepare for this new season of life!
Diana
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story! May God continue to bless you and your precious family!
Erin
Thank you!
Valerie
I really want to be live this. But right now it’s hard to. When you have fought 13 years. It is like a farmer who is trying to plow a field and one ox is going left and the other wants to go right.Nothing is going to get done. I am just a little bit worn out. What do you do when you are just to worn out to fight. Not trying to be a downer, but it’s nice to see others kinda in the same boat.Thank you for sharing.
Erin
Hi Valerie, thank you for sharing, and I am sorry I didn’t see your comment until just now. We have now been married 11 years (in July) and our crisis was almost 7 years ago. It has been a fight and a daily choice to forgive and love each other. I think the biggest thing is to try to get involved in a good church with people who will love and support you and hold you accountable. If you can afford counseling, that is also very good. I will pray for you right now, and I am so sorry you are going through this.
Steph
I so needed this tonight. And it’s incredible that God led me to this article, seeing as I met my husband in Costa Rica. Sometimes you just need to hear that you’re not the only one who is struggling in marriage.
Erin
You are so not the only one! There is hope and there is life after crisis.