5 Habits That Keep Real Moms Happy

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It’s time for real moms to get happy. Here are five habits that will help!

Guest Post by Kathy Helgemo and Melinda Means of Mothering From Scratch

Once upon a time, we had cheerful, compliant children. Our homes were clean, organized and perpetually peaceful. We were moms who set impossible goals and always achieved them.

The above scenario is from a fairy tale known as “What We Thought Motherhood Would Be Like Before We Had Kids.”

After giving birth, it didn’t take long to enter the world of “real” motherhood.

That place where kids are opinionated and strong-­willed. Where our homes are often ruled by chaos instead of Martha Stewart. And where our time and abilities don’t always seem to match up with our goals and expectations.

For a long time, we kept trying to achieve the fairy tale. The more we tried, the more exhausted, inadequate and unhappy we became.

Thankfully, we discovered the secret. Happiness began to materialize for us when we accepted we were real moms with real children. We quit chasing the fantasy and accepted our children as God made them. We began to accept how God made us.

It’s time to get real and get happy, Mom. Here are five habits that will help:

1. See Your Real Self.

Who we are is not defined by what we do or whose mother we are. Our real identity is firmly based on how uniquely God created each of us. Embracing our idiosyncrasies and working within our strengths is the only way we’ll find true happiness as a mom.

Will I ever have an elaborate filing system for every piece of artwork and award my four kids have? No. Can I make sure they are thrown into the same large plastic bin? Maybe.

One day, I will sort through all of those beautiful masterpieces and choose and file my favorites. But it won’t be today ­­and that’s okay.

Image by Pixabay.com

2. Have Real Routines. Simplify the complicated.

Simple routines reduce stress by allowing us to go on autopilot. Long, elaborate, complicated routines only pile it on. We just can’t stick to them!

I have a grudge against sticker charts. I used to make detailed systems for rewarding good behavior, completing chores and/or making good grades. I have ADD. Consistency is not always my strong suit. One by one, half­-completed sticker charts found their way to my trash can, along with a little bit of my “I’m a good mom” confidence.

Finally, I began to do what worked for me and my kids. I give more detailed tips in this post, but flexibility, as well as capitalizing on what motivated my kids ­­ instead of trying to stick to a rigid schedule ­­ was absolutely liberating for me.

Goodbye guilt!

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3. Set Real Goals.

Setting unrealistic goals makes us feel like a big, fat failure and causes untold stress. But what’s the difference?

Here’s an example of a fantasy goal:

I’m going to leave my house everyday by 7:15 a.m. If all the planets align, the drive from my house to school is exactly 14 minutes and 30 seconds. School starts at 7:35 a.m. We’ll be on time every day.

An example of a realistic goal:

I’m going to leave by 7 a.m. It takes 14 to ­20 minutes to get to school. Best case scenario? Kids are there 20 minutes early. The worst? They’re early, but have less time to relax before their day begins. The super worst? We screech into the parking lot because we had to go back and retrieve that stupid permission slip!

We’ve often longed to be the TV sitcom mom, who gets her kids out the door effortlessly. That’s not reality. We have to allow ourselves grace and margin.

Image by Pixabay.com

4. Make Real Friends.

Nothing sucks the joy out of mothering more than negative, competitive and/or self-­centered “friends” in your life.

But how do you attract “real friends? Ask God for them. Be real yourself. Genuine people tend to attract genuine people. You don’t need a tribe. One real friend is worth far more than a group of pretenders.

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5. Give Yourself a Real Break.

Parenting is a 24/7 occupation. Without a break, though, we become exhausted, resentful and irritable. But how do we get one on a regular basis?

As the mother of young ones, I was incredibly overcommitted. At a point of complete burnout, I made a list of the things and people that were most important to me.

When I was asked to take on a new activity, I went back to that list and asked myself, “Will this help or hurt my priorities?” It made it much easier to say no! I also had more margin in my life to recharge ­­ and enjoyed my family more, too.

Image by Pixabay.com

A “break” doesn’t have to be hours of time. It just has to be consistent. Lunch with a friend. A walk in the evening. Even just a 15­ minute solitary retreat to our bedrooms! Combined with starting the day with God, this makes such a difference in our perspective and state of mind.

Sure, the fairy tale would be nice. But we’re both much happier being real.

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Image by Pixabay.com

What is one habit that you’ve found has increased your happiness as a mom?

Between the two of them, Kathy Helgemo and Melinda Means have been mothering six kids for almost 40 years! They blog over at Mothering From Scratch where they encourage and support mothers in finding their unique mothering style. Their book Mothering From Scratch: Finding the Best Parenting Style that Works for You and Your Family is available on Amazon and in bookstores nationwide.